Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and concise: start with a clear topic sentence about your memory, then give one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words (e.g., "because," "for example") and avoid vague words like "funny" when you mean "fun."

例: I don't remember much from my early childhood, but I think I enjoyed going to parks because they were fun and lively. For example, I used to play on the swings with my siblings and have picnics with my family, which made those visits memorable.

提案: Expand slightly with one specific reason and a linking word to make the answer more informative and natural. Keep it to one or two supporting sentences.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they are a peaceful place to relax and exercise. For instance, I often jog there in the morning and meet friends for a coffee afterward.

提案: Be specific about what you mean by "childish" and give one concrete improvement you'd like. Use clearer vocabulary (e.g., "small," "poor facilities") and avoid repetition.

例: Yes, I would like more parks because our city only has three, and most are small with poor facilities. For example, I would like parks with proper pathways, benches, and playgrounds suitable for all ages.

提案: Be precise: name one or two parks you want to visit and explain why with a specific reason. Avoid saying "all of them" and use linking words like "because" or "for example."

例: Yes, I would love to visit Disneyland because I enjoy themed attractions and shows. I also want to visit Central Park in New York to experience its large green spaces and cultural events.

× Honestly, I don't really remember, but I think every child likes to go to parks 'cause it's funny and amazing there especially for children to spend time with their family, friends and have fun.

✓ Honestly, I don't really remember, but I think every child likes going to parks because it's fun and exciting there, especially for children to spend time with their family and friends and have fun.

The original mixes 'to go to parks' with general habitual reference; use gerund 'likes going' for habits (present simple context). 'Cause' is informal; use 'because'. 'Funny' is incorrect adjective for parks — 'fun' fits. 'Amazing' better as 'exciting'. Also add ',' before 'especially' and remove redundant 'and' before 'have fun' by grouping activities.

× Yes, I still like to go to parks as a teenager.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks as a teenager.

For general preferences and habitual actions, gerund 'like going' is more natural than 'like to go'. Both are grammatically possible but gerund better matches continuous habit. Maintain present tense for current preference.

× I would really like to see more parks in our country because we only have three and two of them are very, very childish and not really good.

✓ I would really like to see more parks in our country because we only have three, and two of them are very childish and not very good.

The phrase 'two of them are very, very childish' uses 'childish' incorrectly for parks; better to say 'very childish' is acceptable but stylistically odd; kept here but reduced repetition. Replaced 'not really good' with 'not very good' for standard adverb use. Added a comma before 'and' to separate independent clauses.

× Yes, I would like to visit Disneyland and all of them 'cause there are many in the world.

✓ Yes, I would like to visit Disneyland and all of the other parks because there are many around the world.

'All of them' is vague; 'all of the other parks' clarifies reference. Replaced informal 'cause' with 'because'. 'In the world' changed to 'around the world' for natural phrasing. No tense change required; infinitive 'to visit' is correct.