Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct grammar (use past tense and articles), avoid capitalized words in the middle, and add one specific supporting detail with a linking word. Keep to max 3–4 short sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child. They helped me relax and feel peaceful, especially when I watched other families having fun. For example, I used to feed ducks at a small lake near my home, which felt very calming.

提案: Improve grammar, fluency and clarity: use correct articles, remove fillers, and organise into a topic sentence plus one or two clear reasons linked with linking words (because, so, therefore). Keep sentences short and natural.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, especially as an adult because my job is stressful. For example, after a long day at work I walk in a nearby park to clear my mind, so I feel calmer and more focused.

提案: Be concise and avoid contradictory connectors ("but however"). State preference clearly, then explain constraints using linking words. Use correct phrasing for habits and possibilities.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they improve residents' quality of life. However, I rarely visit them due to my busy work schedule, so I would appreciate more parks close to my home or workplace.

提案: Be specific about which parks or countries and give a brief reason using linking words. Use correct article use and avoid unnecessary capitalization. Limit to 2–3 sentences with one clear example.

例: Yes, I would like to visit famous parks abroad, such as Central Park in New York or Hyde Park in London, because I enjoy traveling. I think these parks would be relaxing and offer different cultural experiences.

× Yes, I like going to park because it makes me relax and have a Peace of Mind while seeing other people enjoying their lives.

✓ Yes, I liked going to parks because they made me relax and gave me peace of mind while I saw other people enjoying their lives.

The sentence has plural/singular mismatches and tense issues. 'park' should be plural 'parks' to match general habit; 'like' should be past 'liked' because question asks about childhood. 'it makes me relax and have a Peace of Mind' uses singular pronoun 'it' for plural 'parks' and mixes verb forms; change to 'they made me relax and gave me peace of mind.' Also use lowercase for 'peace of mind.' Suggestion: match number between subject and pronoun, keep consistent past tense for past habits.

× Yes, I still like going to park, especially now that I'm already adult because a lot of, uh, stress is going to work, is happening in my work and going to park makes it me relax, OK? At least enjoy.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks, especially now that I'm an adult, because a lot of stress comes from work and going to parks helps me relax and enjoy myself.

Errors include singular/plural ('park' -> 'parks') and article use for 'an adult.' 'a lot of stress is going to work' is incorrect; use 'stress comes from work' or 'stress at work.' 'makes it me relax' is ungrammatical; use 'helps me relax' or 'makes me relax.' Also 'At least enjoy' is incomplete; use 'and enjoy myself.' Maintain present simple tense for current habits.

× If given a chance, yeah, I would love to see a lot of parks here in the city, but however, because of my work schedules or my busy appointments, I cannot do that.

✓ If given the chance, I would love to see many parks in the city, but because of my work schedule and busy appointments, I cannot do that.

Redundant connectors 'but however' should be reduced to one ('but' or 'however'). 'If given a chance' is better as 'If given the chance.' 'a lot of parks' is acceptable but 'many parks' is more natural. 'work schedules or my busy appointments' is awkward; use singular 'work schedule' and combine with 'busy appointments.' This clarifies sentence structure and improves fluency.

× Well I would love to go to the park in other country because I love traveling and it gives me Peace of Mind and makes me relax.

✓ Well, I would love to go to parks in other countries because I love traveling; they give me peace of mind and help me relax.

'the park in other country' has article and number errors: use plural 'parks' and 'countries' when speaking generally. 'it gives me Peace of Mind' should agree with plural 'parks' so 'they give me peace of mind.' 'makes me relax' is better as 'help me relax.' Also lowercase 'peace of mind.' Use plural forms for general preferences and ensure pronoun agreement.