Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer, more grammatical and avoid short unclear fragments. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add specific supporting details (what you did, who you went with, a short reason). Use linking words and correct verb forms. Keep to 2–4 sentences and avoid invented phrases like “at a size” or “Make me.”

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often spent hours swimming and using the slides, and I usually went with neighborhood friends. These visits are strong memories because playing outdoors helped me make close friends and stay active.

提案: Correct awkward vocabulary and grammar (e.g. “gateways” and “beach” are wrong here). Use linking words to connect ideas and be specific about routines. Keep sentences concise and check article/noun agreements.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. They are a great place to unwind and get some fresh air, so I often go jogging or take walks to clear my mind. Also, I sometimes visit the park with my parents to spend quality time together.

提案: Improve grammar (plural/singular forms and articles) and give a concise reason with a linking word. Add a specific example of how extra parks would be used to show concrete benefits.

例: Yes, I would definitely like to see more parks in my city because they provide a peaceful escape from the hustle and bustle. For example, additional green spaces would let families have picnics and children have safe places to play nearby.

提案: Fix vocabulary errors and unclear words (e.g. “lilac” used incorrectly). Use correct verb forms and be specific about what attracts you to the park. Limit to a couple of sentences and link reasons clearly.

例: Yes, I would like to visit a newly opened park in my city because I have heard it has a beautiful garden and a large lake. I want to go there to enjoy the scenery, get some fresh air, and possibly try jogging or cycling around the lake.

× I love going to parks at a size.

✓ I loved going to parks as a child.

The phrase uses the wrong preposition and words ('at a size') not fitting context. Use 'as a child' to indicate when the action occurred. Also matched past tense with 'loved' to fit 'as a child'. Suggestion: Use 'as a child' to indicate childhood and use past tense when referring to past habits.

× I remember spending hour on swimming and slide.

✓ I remember spending hours swimming and on the slides.

'Hour' should be plural 'hours' to match general repeated past activity. 'On swimming' is incorrect: use 'swimming' (no preposition) and 'on the slides' for using slides. Suggestion: Use plural for general time (hours) and correct prepositions/phrasing for activities.

× It's a good memory park.

✓ Those are good memories of the park.

Original word order and forms are incorrect: 'memory' should be plural 'memories' and they are 'of the park', not 'memory park'. Suggestion: Use 'memories of the park' to describe recollections.

× Make me.

✓ They made me happy.

'Make me' is a fragment lacking context and proper tense. Likely intended to say the parks made the student feel something. Provide a complete clause with subject and verb in past tense for childhood recollection. Suggestion: Complete the sentence with a subject and appropriate verb/adjective.

× Park was a perfect pair to see other kids.

✓ The park was a perfect place to see other kids.

Missing definite article 'the' before 'park'. 'pair' is a wrong word; should be 'place'. Suggestion: Use 'the park' for a specific park and 'place' when indicating suitability.

× Yes, I still really enjoy going to the parks.

✓ Yes, I still really enjoy going to parks.

Using 'the parks' implies specific parks; general habit is better expressed without the definite article as 'going to parks'. Suggestion: Drop 'the' when speaking generally about parks.

× There are gateways to unwind and beach in some fresh air.

✓ They are great gateways to unwind and breathe some fresh air.

'Beach' is a wrong word here; likely 'breathe' was intended. Also sentence structure improved by clarifying subject and adjective 'great'. Suggestion: Use 'breathe' for inhaling air and ensure verbs fit context.

× it's also nice place to spend a quality time with my parents.

✓ It's also a nice place to spend quality time with my parents.

Missing article 'a' before 'nice place' and 'a quality time' is incorrect; 'quality time' is uncountable and should not use 'a'. Suggestion: Use 'a nice place' and 'quality time' without 'a'.

× Yes, definitely like to see more park in my city.

✓ Yes, I'd definitely like to see more parks in my city.

Missing subject/modal 'I'd' (I would) and singular/plural error 'park' should be 'parks' for general desire. Suggestion: Use 'I'd like' to express desire and pluralize when speaking generally.

× Park provide a guest escape from the hustle and bustle of city life and having a green space would be great.

✓ Parks provide a great escape from the hustle and bustle of city life, and having green spaces would be great.

'Park' should be plural 'Parks' to generalize, 'provide' must agree with plural, 'guest' is wrong word; 'great' fits. Also parallel structure improved. Suggestion: Match subject number and use appropriate adjectives ('great escape').

× I want to spend time with my family and friend.

✓ I want to spend time with my family and friends.

'Friend' should be plural 'friends' to match 'family' and general intent. Suggestion: Use plural when referring to multiple people or general companionship.

× Yes, I really like to visit a new park that's just open in my city.

✓ Yes, I'd really like to visit a new park that has just opened in my city.

To express future desire, use 'I'd like' or 'I would like'. 'Just open' should be past participle 'just opened' to describe recent opening. Suggestion: Use 'has just opened' or 'that just opened' to indicate recent past event.

× I have heard it is beautiful garden and a Big Lake and I would love to go there to lilac and get some fresh air and maybe even try jogging or cycling around the park.

✓ I have heard it is a beautiful garden with a big lake, and I would love to go there to relax, get some fresh air, and maybe even try jogging or cycling around the park.

Missing article 'a' before 'beautiful garden', 'Big Lake' should be 'big lake' (no capitalization), 'to lilac' is incorrect word; intended 'to relax'. Also use commas and conjunctions for lists. Suggestion: Use articles correctly ('a beautiful garden'), correct verb choice ('relax'), and lowercase common nouns.