Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct, grammatical and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g. “Yes, I loved going to parks as a child.”) then give one or two specific supporting details. Use correct tense and avoid repetition. Use linking words (for example, because/so) to connect ideas and provide a clear reason or example.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. They were peaceful and safe places where I could play on swings and have picnics with my parents, so I have fond memories of spending whole afternoons there.

提案: Give a concise topic sentence and then one specific detail about how and why you visit parks now. Use natural phrasing for frequency and duration (e.g. “often visit,” “for a couple of hours”) and avoid filler words like ‘umm’ and repetition. Use a linking word (because/so) to explain the reason clearly.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I often visit a nearby park for an hour or two because it helps me relax and clear my mind after a busy day.

提案: Answer directly, then give a brief reason and one specific detail (e.g. lack of green space, crowded areas). Replace vague words and correct word choice (e.g. 'granny' is unclear; use 'green' or 'quiet'). Use linking words like ‘because’ to connect your reason.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because we only have two or three small ones. The main park is peaceful and green, and more parks would give people more places to relax and exercise.

提案: Be specific about which park you want to visit and why. Begin with a clear topic sentence (e.g. “Yes, I’d like to visit X park.”), then give one or two concrete reasons (features, activities, location). Avoid vague phrases and filler words.

例: Yes, I would like to visit the national park near the coast because I’ve heard it has beautiful beaches, hiking trails and birdwatching opportunities, which sounds relaxing and interesting.

× Yes, I love I went to go park when I was a child.

✓ Yes, I loved going to the park when I was a child.

The response mixes present tense 'love' with past action; the activity occurred in the past so use past tense 'loved'. Also use the gerund 'going' after verbs expressing enjoyment and include the article 'the' before 'park' when referring to parks in general or a specific park visited as a child. Suggestion: use 'loved going to the park'.

× I think a park is a very beautiful place for a kid to spend time with their parents, to have fun with their parents.

✓ I think a park is a very nice place for a child to spend time and have fun with their parents.

Redundant phrases 'to spend time with their parents, to have fun with their parents' create awkward repetition. Replace 'kid' with 'child' for formality. Use parallel structure 'to spend time and have fun' or omit the second 'with their parents' to avoid repetition. Use 'nice' or 'beautiful' consistently.

× Most I think so that child or.

✓ Most children think so.

This fragment is ungrammatical and unclear. Likely intended meaning is 'Most children think so.' Use plural noun 'children' and a complete sentence with subject and verb. Avoid filler words 'I think so' inside the fragment.

× Yes, I do. Yes I do. Umm, when I have to get some time, I often to visit a park, to spend my my couple of minutes, couple of hours to have some peace, to have to relax my mind.

✓ Yes, I do. When I have some free time, I often visit a park for a few minutes or a couple of hours to have some peace and relax my mind.

Problems: unnecessary repetition 'Yes, I do.' is acceptable but awkward, 'when I have to get some time' is incorrect—use 'when I have some free time'. 'Often to visit' should be 'often visit' (infinitive not needed). 'my my' is duplication. Use 'a few minutes' or 'a couple of hours' and parallel structure 'to have some peace and relax my mind' (use base verb 'relax' after 'to' or keep same form).

× Umm yes I like to see more parks in the city but where I live there is probably 2 parks or maybe 3 umm but I love the there is only one park which is very peaceful, very granary there and very relaxation when you visit there.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in the city, but where I live there are probably two or three. I love that there is one park nearby that is very peaceful and relaxing when you visit.

Use 'would like' for polite preference. Use plural verb 'there are' with plural 'two or three'. Spell out numbers 'two or three' in speech transcripts. 'I love the there is' is incorrect; use 'I love that there is'. 'Granary' is wrong word choice; likely intended 'greenery' or 'garden-like'—I replaced with 'peaceful and relaxing'. Use correct adjective 'relaxing' not noun 'relaxation'.

× Yes, I do there are many parts near my in my country, but I think so if there is some park so I love to visit umm it is a new sound and I think so that's so that please I want to visit there I've.

✓ Yes, there are many parks in my country that I would like to visit in the future.

This sentence is a run-on with many fragments and incorrect words. Use 'there are' to state existence of plural 'parks'. Replace 'parts' with 'parks', remove unnecessary fillers 'I think so' and 'so that please'. Use conditional 'would like to visit' or simple future desire 'I would like to visit them in the future.' Keep sentences concise and clear.