Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details with correct verb forms and prepositions. Avoid repetition ("I was obsessed" and "I loved") and correct plural/singular and article use (e.g., "picnics" and "in the mornings").

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. My family and I went for picnics about three times a week, usually in the mornings, and I especially enjoyed playing on the swings with my best friend.

提案: Make a clear, simple statement and avoid filler words and repetition. Use correct articles and plural forms ("a park," "nearby parks"), and express condition concisely ("If there were a nearby park, I would visit more often"). Keep within three sentences maximum.

例: Yes, I still enjoy parks because I love green spaces. However, there aren't any parks near my home, so I can't visit often. If a park were nearby, I would go regularly.

提案: Give a clear opinion with one or two specific reasons and avoid hesitation sounds. Use natural collocations ("burned out" instead of "burnt") and correct article use ("the government"). Combine ideas with linking words (e.g., "because", "so").

例: Yes, I would. I think the government should create more parks instead of more shops because green spaces help people relax. For example, after long hours of work many people feel burned out, so visiting a park can refresh their mind.

提案: Be specific and avoid vague phrases and fillers. Name an example park or describe its features succinctly. Use correct vocabulary ("well-known parks", "surrounded by tall trees", "a wide variety of plants"). Limit to two or three sentences.

例: Yes. In the future I plan to visit several well-known parks, such as [Central Park / a famous local park], which I have seen in online videos. I want to see parks that are surrounded by tall trees and that have a wide variety of plants and walking trails.

× Yes I did. I remember when I was a child I was obsessed with going to parks with my loved ones such as my family and my best friends.

✓ Yes, I did. I remember that when I was a child I was obsessed with going to parks with my loved ones, such as my family and my best friends.

Missing comma after 'Yes' and after 'loved ones' improves readability; added 'that' after 'remember' is optional but clarifies the noun clause. This is primarily punctuation and sentence clarity in past-tense narration.

× We usually had picnic here regularly, just three times a week and the mornings.

✓ We usually had picnics here regularly, about three times a week in the mornings.

'Picnic' should be plural 'picnics' (countable noun) when referring to repeated events. 'About' is a better quantifier than 'just' here; 'in the mornings' is the correct prepositional phrase.

× Yes I do. I'll say that I'm a big fan of green spaces and the park is a definitely the one that I love and the I if I had a chance I would definitely visit the parks but as there is no nearby parks there are no any chances.

✓ Yes, I do. I'd say that I'm a big fan of green spaces, and the park is definitely one of the places I love. If I had a chance, I would definitely visit parks, but as there are no nearby parks, I don't have any chances to do so.

Multiple article and noun-number errors: remove extra 'the' before 'definitely'; use 'one of the places' instead of 'the one'; 'parks' should be plural and match verb 'are' for 'no nearby parks'; 'no any chances' is incorrect—use 'no chances' or 'don't have any chances'. Also punctuation and conditional punctuation improved.

× But in the future it will be my it will still be my favorite activity.

✓ But in the future it will still be my favorite activity.

Redundant repetition 'it will be my it will still be'—remove duplication. Future tense 'will still be' is appropriate.

× From my perspective government should provide more green spaces like parks rather than providing more shops.

✓ From my perspective, the government should provide more green spaces like parks rather than more shops.

Missing definite article 'the' before 'government' in this context; 'providing' repetition is unnecessary—use parallel structure 'provide more green spaces... rather than more shops.'

× When you work for longer hours you can get burnt uh easily and the the best way to relax and refresh your mind is to go and visit parks.

✓ When you work long hours, you can get burnt out easily, and the best way to relax and refresh your mind is to go and visit parks.

Use 'work long hours' rather than 'work for longer hours'; idiomatic 'burnt out' not 'burnt'; remove duplicate 'the'; commas improve clarity.

× Yes, there are. I have so many plans and the future and the first thing that I'm gonna do is to visit many well known parks.

✓ Yes, there are. I have so many plans for the future, and the first thing I'm going to do is visit many well-known parks.

Preposition 'for the future' required; 'gonna' is informal—use 'going to'; 'well known' should be hyphenated as 'well-known' when used as a compound adjective before a noun.

× So I've seen so many videos in the websites, umm, the best parish nearby parks, uh, which is surrounded by tall trees and the diversity of plant plants.

✓ So I've seen many videos on websites about the best nearby parks, which are surrounded by tall trees and a diverse range of plants.

Use 'on websites' not 'in the websites'; 'parish' is likely wrong—removed; 'nearby parks' is the intended noun; match plural 'parks' with plural verb 'are'; 'diversity of plant plants' is incorrect—use 'a diverse range of plants.'