Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Clarify and organize your answer with a clear topic sentence, correct grammar, and specific details. Use linking words to connect ideas and avoid repetition. Focus on correct verb forms (e.g., 'when I was a child', 'I used to play') and clearer vocabulary (e.g., 'games' instead of unclear phrases).

例: Yes. When I was a child, I used to go to the park every day after school. I often played games like hide-and-seek and made small obstacle courses using planks and doors. Because of these activities, I became more creative and confident when playing with other children.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence and correct grammatical structures. Use specific vocabulary (e.g., 'photograph' instead of 'take the Potter') and linking words like 'however' or 'now' to show the change in purpose. Be concise and avoid awkward phrases such as 'go to there.'

例: Yes, I still enjoy parks, but for a different reason now. Nowadays I visit parks to photograph scenery, especially flowers and trees, because I love nature. For instance, I often spend an hour taking close-up photos of blossoms and scenery when the light is good.

提案: Answer the question directly about whether you want more parks, then add reasons and specific examples. Correct vocabulary ('photographs' not 'Potter') and sentence structure. Use linking words like 'because' and 'for example' to explain why more parks would be good.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide green space and places to relax. For example, if there were more parks, I could visit in summer to photograph sunflowers and enjoy cold treats like kakigori while escaping the heat.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence naming the park or describing it, then give specific reasons and details. Avoid filler phrases and incomplete sentences. Use linking words such as 'for example' or 'because' to make your answer coherent. If you don't know the name, describe distinctive features clearly.

例: Yes, there are several parks I want to visit, especially the large park in Shinjuku. It is famous for its cherry blossoms and seasonal flower displays, so I would like to go there in spring to see and photograph the blossoms. I also hope to walk around the ponds and explore the gardens.

× Yes, when I was child I used to go to the park every day especially after school and played hide and seek or load planks such as door playing to us very fan and this activity made me creativity.

✓ Yes, when I was a child I used to go to the park every day, especially after school, and play hide-and-seek or make simple games using planks or doors; they were very fun, and these activities helped my creativity.

Multiple sentence structure problems: missing article 'a' before 'child' (article error, handled as sentence structure here), incorrect verb forms and tense consistency ('played' should be 'play' to match 'used to' habitual past), run-on sentence lacking proper punctuation and conjunctions, incorrect phrases like 'load planks' and 'door playing to us very fan' which are unclear. Suggestion: break into clearer clauses, use 'used to' + base verb for habitual past, insert articles, and replace unclear phrases with accurate descriptions (e.g., 'make simple games using planks or doors').

× Yes, that's the purpose is different now.

✓ Yes, the purpose is different now.

Incorrect use of 'that's' plus 'the' creates redundancy and ungrammatical structure. Use either 'that's' with a clause (that's because...) or 'the purpose is...'. Suggestion: remove 'that's' to form a correct declarative sentence.

× I mean I go to the park to take picture out there.

✓ I mean I go to the park to take pictures there.

Count noun 'picture' should be plural when speaking generally, and 'out there' is awkward—use 'there'. Also sentence flow: 'I mean' is conversational filler but acceptable; keep or remove. Suggestion: use 'take pictures there' for natural phrasing.

× For example, I usually take the Potter or flowers or trees because it is very beautiful and I naturally like the plants or flowers.

✓ For example, I usually take photos of people, flowers, or trees because they are very beautiful and I naturally like plants and flowers.

Several errors: 'Potter' is likely misused for 'photos' or 'potter' incorrect; 'take the Potter' wrong article and word choice. Use 'photos' as plural. Subject-verb agreement: 'it is very beautiful' should be 'they are' to match plural subjects. Redundant 'plants or flowers'—use 'plants and flowers'. Suggestion: choose correct noun ('photos') and match verb number to subject.

× So I go to there.

✓ So I go there.

Redundant preposition: English uses 'go there', not 'go to there'. Remove 'to'. Suggestion: use 'go there'.

× Yes, so I'm planning to go to the park this summer and take Potter this season.

✓ Yes, I'm planning to go to the park this summer and take photos this season.

'So' at start is unnecessary. 'Potter' is incorrect word choice; use 'photos'. Keep tense consistent: 'planning to go' and intended action 'take photos'. Suggestion: remove filler 'so' and use correct noun.

× I we can take the Potter of sunflower.

✓ We can take photos of sunflowers.

Nonstandard structure: 'I we' is invalid; likely intended 'we'. 'the Potter of sunflower' incorrect articles and word choice. Use plural 'photos' and plural 'sunflowers' or 'sunflowers' without article. Suggestion: use 'We can take photos of sunflowers.'

× So I want to take these them and also it is hot so I would like to eat kakigori at the park.

✓ So I want to take them, and because it is hot I would like to eat kakigori at the park.

Redundant pronouns 'these them' — choose one ('them'). Sentence needs conjunction and causal connector: 'because it is hot'. Suggestion: use a single pronoun and connect clauses clearly.

× Yes, a lot of.

✓ Yes, a lot of them.

Phrase 'a lot of' requires a noun or pronoun to complete it. Add 'them' to refer to parks. Suggestion: use 'a lot' or 'a lot of them' depending on context.

× For example, I would like to go to the park which is located in Shinjuku and the park is very big.

✓ For example, I would like to go to a park located in Shinjuku, and it is very big.

Awkward repetition 'the park ... the park'. Use 'a park located in Shinjuku' or 'the park located in Shinjuku' with clearer reference. Suggestion: combine into one sentence and use pronoun 'it' to avoid repetition.

× I don't know the name, but it is very famous for the flowers such as those tree blossoms or as you say, they are very cute and.

✓ I don't know the name, but it is very famous for its flowers, such as cherry blossoms; they are very pretty.

Run-on and unfinished sentence. 'those tree blossoms' is unnatural—use specific term 'cherry blossoms' if intended. 'as you say' is unnecessary. Sentence ends abruptly with 'and'. Suggestion: finish thought, choose correct noun phrase and adjective ('pretty' or 'beautiful').