Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Câu trả lời tự nhiên nhưng có một số lỗi nhỏ về ngữ pháp và từ vựng không chính xác (ví dụ: 'the the parks', 'can enjoy' thay vì 'could enjoy'). Nên tránh tiếng lắp (uh) và rút gọn thông tin để giữ trong giới hạn 3-5 câu. Thêm liên từ ngắn gọn để mạch lạc (e.g. 'also', 'and'). Hãy cụ thể hóa một chi tiết kỷ niệm để tăng điểm nội dung (ví dụ tên trò chơi hoặc nơi trong công viên).

例: Yes. When I was a child I visited the park every weekend with my parents. I often rode my bike around the big fountain and met my friends to play hide-and-seek. I also enjoyed the fresh air and sometimes played fetch with our dog near the lake.

提案: Ý chính rõ ràng nhưng câu hơi rời rạc, có lỗi ngữ pháp và sắp xếp từ (ví dụ: 'the deadline from the clubs', 'when have a free afternoon'). Nên kết hợp câu bằng liên từ và sửa cấu trúc để mạch lạc hơn. Cố gắng cung cấp một ví dụ cụ thể về khi nào bạn đi công viên để tăng tính cụ thể.

例: Yes, I still enjoy parks, but I'm quite busy at the moment. Between homework and club deadlines, I rarely find free time, so I usually visit a park only once a week when I have a free afternoon after classes.

提案: Nội dung tốt nhưng có lỗi từ vựng và collocation (ví dụ: 'my cities' nên 'my city'; 'closer to the nature' -> 'closer to nature'; 'meet neighborhoods' -> 'meet neighbours'; 'morning tide' không đúng — có thể là 'morning tai chi' hoặc 'morning events'). Tránh tiếng lắp và dùng từ chính xác. Bổ sung 1-2 ví dụ cụ thể về hoạt động cộng đồng để tăng tính thực tế.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they would make the area greener and help people feel closer to nature. More green spaces would encourage residents to exercise, meet their neighbours and hold community activities, such as morning tai chi or weekend farmers' markets.

提案: Câu trả lời rõ ràng và truyền đạt ý tốt, nhưng có một số lỗi nhỏ về diễn đạt ('parks that are like I really like to try' không chính xác). Nên dùng câu ngắn gọn, tránh 'you know' lặp lại và đưa vào một chi tiết cụ thể về trải nghiệm mong muốn (ví dụ tên một trò chơi hoặc khu vực ở Disneyland).

例: Yes, I'd love to visit the Disneyland parks someday. They are more than ordinary parks, offering many exciting attractions and famous characters. I especially want to try the Space Mountain roller coaster and watch the nightly fireworks show.

× I liked riding my bike around the the parks and I could always meet my friends there to play games together.

✓ I liked riding my bike around the parks and I could always meet my friends there to play games together.

There was a repeated word 'the the' which is a typographical error; remove the duplicate 'the'. Keep the present participle 'riding' as it correctly describes a past habitual action.

× Also, I can enjoy the fresh air and the nature and play with my dog.

✓ Also, I could enjoy the fresh air and the nature and play with my dog.

The context is past habitual (when I was a child), so present tense 'can' is inconsistent. Use 'could' to match past tense. 'The nature' is also unnatural; consider 'nature' without 'the' for smoother English.

× However, actually at the moment I'm very busy with my schedule.

✓ However, at the moment I'm very busy with my schedule.

Redundant adverb 'actually' with 'however' is stylistic rather than grammatical; removing 'actually' produces clearer sentence. Tense 'I'm' fits present continuous describing current situation.

× I don't have very much free time these days.

✓ I don't have much free time these days.

'Very much' is not strictly incorrect, but 'very much free time' is less natural than 'much free time'. This is a stylistic suggestion to improve naturalness.

× Yeah, the homework, the deadline from the clubs, so I rarely visit the park.

✓ Yeah, between homework and club deadlines, I rarely visit the park.

Original is a fragment/list lacking a main clause. Rewriting as 'between X and Y, I rarely...' creates a complete sentence and clearly links reasons to the result.

× Maybe once a week when have a free afternoon.

✓ Maybe once a week when I have a free afternoon.

Missing subject 'I' in the subordinate clause. Add 'I' to form a complete clause: 'when I have a free afternoon'.

× Yeah, I would like to see more parks in my cities as they would make my city fresher and bring people closer to the nature, you know?

✓ Yeah, I would like to see more parks in my city as they would make it fresher and bring people closer to nature, you know?

Mismatch: 'my cities' vs 'my city' — choose one; here 'my city' is consistent. Also 'bring people closer to the nature' is incorrect article use: 'nature' generally has no article in this sense. Replace 'they would make my city fresher' with 'make it fresher' to avoid repetition.

× More green spaces would encourage residents to exercise, meet neighborhoods, uh, and hold community activities like morning tide.

✓ More green spaces would encourage residents to exercise, meet their neighbours, and hold community activities like morning tai chi.

'Meet neighborhoods' is incorrect: people meet other people, not neighborhoods. Use 'meet their neighbours' or 'meet up with neighbours'. Also 'morning tide' seems to be a wrong word choice—likely 'morning tai chi' or 'morning tide' is incorrect in this context. Replace with a plausible activity 'morning tai chi'. Also standardize spelling 'neighbours' (or 'neighbors') consistently.

× They are more than just ordinary parks, you know.

✓ They are more than just ordinary parks, you know.

This sentence is grammatically correct. 'Are' plus complement correctly describes the parks. No correction needed.

× They offer a wide range of exciting attractions, famous Disney characters and thrilling rides that are like I really like to try.

✓ They offer a wide range of exciting attractions, famous Disney characters, and thrilling rides that I would really like to try.

Original 'that are like I really like to try' is ungrammatical. Replace with 'that I would really like to try' to express desire to try those rides. Use modal 'would' for hypothetical/future intent and reposition 'really' before 'like' for natural adverb placement.

× I've seen a lot about them online and in photos.

✓ I've seen a lot about them online and in photos.

This sentence is grammatically correct; present perfect 'I've seen' appropriately indicates experience up to now. No correction needed.