Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cần trả lời trực tiếp, mạch lạc và tránh lặp từ/tiếng ồn (uh, um). Nên có câu chủ đề rõ ràng, tiếp đó thêm 1–2 chi tiết cụ thể (ví dụ ai đi cùng, hoạt động làm gì) và dùng liên từ để mạch lạc. Giữ độ dài dưới 5 câu.

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child. I often went with my parents because I wasn't allowed to go out with friends, and we usually had picnics or played on the swings. Those visits were relaxing and gave me a chance to play outdoors.

提案: Cần trả lời ngắn gọn, tránh mâu thuẫn và số liệu không rõ ("1112 hours"). Nên nêu câu chủ đề (có/không), giải thích lý do cụ thể bằng linking words như "because" hoặc "so" và kết thúc bằng một kết luận ngắn.

例: Yes, I still like parks, but I rarely visit them now because I work long hours. As a result, most of my free time is spent resting at home, so I only go to a park on weekends.

提案: Trả lời rõ ràng và dùng từ ngữ chính xác hơn (không lặp "umm" hay "you know"). Nên thêm lý do cụ thể vì sao muốn nhiều công viên (ví dụ: môi trường, sức khỏe) và dùng liên từ như "because" để liên kết ý.

例: Yes, I would love more parks in my city because they would improve air quality and provide places for people to relax. Instead of so much concrete, more green spaces would make the city healthier and more pleasant.

提案: Trả lời trực tiếp và giảm lặp từ ("one of the one of"). Thêm một hoặc hai chi tiết cụ thể về lý do muốn đến đó (ví dụ hoạt động bạn muốn làm hoặc điều nổi bật của công viên). Giữ 2–3 câu chặt chẽ.

例: Yes, I would love to visit Central Park in New York because it's famous for its beautiful landscapes and cultural events. I'd like to walk around the Reservoir and see the statues and gardens when I get the chance.

× I mean, going to the parks always been, uh, something that I did a lot when I was young and, uh, I usually went there with my parents because I was able to, I wasn't allowed to go, uh, with my friends back then.

✓ I mean, going to parks has always been something I did a lot when I was young, and I usually went there with my parents because I wasn't allowed to go with my friends back then.

The sentence mixes past simple and present perfect incorrectly. 'always been' requires a form of 'have' (present perfect) so use 'has always been.' Also 'the parks' is unnatural here; use 'parks' for general meaning. Remove unnecessary filler words. Suggestion: use present perfect for states that extend to a general truth and past simple for specific past actions. Use: 'has always been' and 'went' appropriately.

× So yeah, that's, uh, I went to the parking lot.

✓ So yeah, I used to go to parks.

The original is fragmented and contains a content error: 'parking lot' is different from 'parks' and the clause mix is awkward. Use a clear past habit structure 'used to' or 'I went to parks' to match earlier context. Keep sentences concise and on-topic.

× I mean, I do, it's just that I don't have a lot of time now to a lot of free time that I could have to go to parks.

✓ I do, but I don't have a lot of free time now to go to parks.

Redundant phrasing 'a lot of time now to a lot of free time' is incorrect. Use simple present 'I don't have' for current lack of time and 'to go' as infinitive purpose. Keep one clear expression 'a lot of free time.'

× I work like 1112 hours per day.

✓ I work about 11 to 12 hours per day.

The phrase 'like 1112 hours' is unclear and missing spacing; use 'about' for approximation and write the range '11 to 12 hours.' This matches typical present simple for habitual actions.

× And so most of my time, it's just most of my time is just spent at work.

✓ So most of my time is spent at work.

Redundant repetition 'most of my time' and filler 'it's just' create poor sentence structure. Use a single clear clause 'most of my time is spent at work.' Maintain present simple for habitual fact.

× Uh, I would love to. I just wish that umm, you know, my city is instead of being a concrete jungle, we can actually see jungles with trees in it.

✓ I would love to. I just wish that, instead of being a concrete jungle, my city could have more trees and green spaces.

Mixes present simple and modal 'can' awkwardly. Use 'could' for hypothetical wish and rephrase 'see jungles with trees in it' to natural 'have more trees and green spaces.' Keep conditional/modal consistency.

× Umm, I would love to visit Central Park in New York City in America.

✓ I would love to visit Central Park in New York City in the United States.

'In America' is acceptable colloquially but more precise is 'in the United States.' No major grammar error, but improve formality and clarity. Present conditional 'would love to' correctly expresses desire.

× It is one of the one of the places that are on my bucket list of places I need to visit before I die.

✓ It is one of the places on my bucket list that I need to visit before I die.

Redundant repetition 'one of the one of the places' is incorrect. Also relative clause ordering improved: 'one of the places on my bucket list that I need to visit' is clearer. Keep present simple 'need to visit' for future intention.

× And uh yeah, it's just a wonderful place and I wish I could go there one day.

✓ Yes, it's a wonderful place, and I hope I can go there one day.

Original mixes modal 'wish' with 'could'—'wish I could' implies hypothetical; 'hope I can' is more natural for a realistic future plan. Use 'hope' for future desire and maintain present tense for current opinion.