Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Reduce hesitations ('uh', 'umm') and correct plural/singular forms (e.g. 'go to the park'). Use linking words to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child. I especially liked riverside parks because the greenery and the water helped me relax, and I often watched ducks and played by the riverbanks.

提案: Organize the response: give a clear topic sentence saying you still like parks, then explain reasons with linking words (for example, 'because' and 'so'). Avoid repetition and filler words. Correct awkward phrasing ('even more than I like to' → 'more than I did').

例: Yes, I like going to parks even more now than when I was a child because I can walk there by myself. For example, I often visit riverside parks to watch ducks and enjoy a peaceful walk.

提案: Begin with a direct answer, then give concise, specific reasons. Fix small errors ('visited to' → 'visited'). Use linking words (however, because) to improve coherence and avoid repetition.

例: Yes, I would like more parks, although Calgary already has many. I want more because parks improve residents' quality of life, and personally I hope to visit every park to discover what makes each one unique.

提案: Answer directly and give brief specific details about each park and why you want to visit. Remove fillers and combine sentences for clarity. Mention past visits and future plans clearly.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Stanley Park and Heritage Park. I once went to Snowy Park but couldn't complete the tour, and I've heard great things about Heritage Park, so I plan to explore both and spend enough time to see their main attractions.

× Yes, I love to go to park uh, when I was a child, even now, I love going to parks.

✓ Yes, I loved going to parks when I was a child; even now, I love going to parks.

The original mixes past and present incorrectly. 'When I was a child' requires past tense for the activity (loved). Keep 'even now' in present tense to contrast. Also 'to park' should be plural or include an article; 'going to parks' is consistent with general habit.

× So I love to go to park umm, especially around the river area.

✓ So I love to go to the park, especially areas around the river.

'Go to park' is missing the definite article 'the' for a specific park or needs plural 'parks'. Because the speaker refers to a particular setting ('around the river area') use 'the park' or rephrase to 'areas around the river'. Also avoid filler 'umm'.

× I love going to parks now, umm, even more than I like to.

✓ I love going to parks now, even more than I did before.

Comparative reference 'more than I like to' is ungrammatical. To compare present preference with the past use past tense 'did before' or 'when I was a child'. This clarifies the time frame.

× I used to like when I was a child.

✓ I used to like going to parks when I was a child.

The original 'I used to like when I was a child' lacks an object for 'like'. Add the activity 'going to parks' to make a complete thought and match the question about parks.

× Now I can just walk to the park on my own instead of asking some guardian or parent to take me there.

✓ Now I can just walk to the park on my own instead of asking a guardian or my parents to take me there.

'Some guardian or parent' is awkward. Use 'a guardian' or 'my parents' to be natural. Also 'parents' plural is common; keep pronoun consistency.

× I love going to parks by the rivers so that I can see some ducks and I love it.

✓ I love going to parks by the river so that I can see ducks, and I really enjoy it.

'By the rivers' is awkward unless referring to multiple rivers; 'by the river' is the natural phrase. 'Some ducks' is informal; 'ducks' is sufficient. Add a conjunction and natural intensifier 'really enjoy'.

× I would love to see more parks in the city already we have quite a lot of parks in Calgary, but I don't mind having more parks and I haven't visited to all of them, so I really want to go to all the parks we have in the city and see what's special about them in each individual park.

✓ I would love to see more parks in the city. We already have quite a lot of parks in Calgary, but I don't mind having more. I haven't visited all of them, so I want to visit every park in the city and see what is special about each one.

The original is a run-on sentence with redundant phrases and an incorrect preposition 'visited to'. Break into clear sentences, remove repetition ('parks' repeated), correct 'visited to all of them' to 'visited all of them', and use 'each one' for clarity.

× Are there any parks you want to go to in the future?

✓ Are there any parks you want to visit in the future?

'Go to' is not wrong, but 'visit' is more natural in this context. This is a stylistic improvement rather than a strict grammar error.

× I have been to Snowy Park once but I could not, uh, do the entire tour.

✓ I have been to Snowy Park once, but I could not do the entire tour.

Remove filler 'uh' and unnecessary comma placement. The tense 'have been' is fine; maintain clarity by simplifying sentence structure.

× Uh, and I haven't been to Heritage Park, but I heard a lot about it.

✓ I haven't been to Heritage Park, but I have heard a lot about it.

'Heard a lot about it' is acceptable, but in present perfect the auxiliary 'have' pairs with 'heard' to indicate experience up to now: 'I have heard a lot about it.' Remove filler 'uh'.

× So I would love to explore these two parks in Calgary.

✓ So I would love to explore those two parks in Calgary.

Using 'these' implies the parks are physically near the speaker; 'those' is more natural when speaking about parks mentioned earlier. Tense 'would love' is correct; change demonstrative for natural reference.