Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct tense and article errors (e.g., “when I was a child,” “in the park,” “make new friends”). Avoid repetition.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks when I was a child. In the park I made new friends and played games with other kids, which helped me become more confident. Also, I enjoyed watching the sunrise there because it felt peaceful.

提案: Provide a complete, grammatical response and avoid trailing off. Use a topic sentence and one or two specific reasons with linking words. Correct collocations (e.g., “spend most of my free time”) and plural/singular agreement. Do not repeat short phrases.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I spend most of my free time there talking with friends because the weather is pleasant, especially in winter when it is cool but not cold. The fresh air and quiet paths make it a relaxing place to unwind.

提案: Answer directly and give specific reasons with linking words. Fix hesitations and article use (“in my city,” “in them” or “there”). Use varied vocabulary (e.g., “important for relaxation and exercise”). Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because currently there are only two or three. More parks would provide places for walking, exercising, and socializing, which would improve people’s health and community life.

提案: Give a clearer, more fluent reply: name the park or describe it, and explain why you want to visit using linking words. Avoid filler words and fragmented questions. Use correct grammar (“what makes it special”).

例: Yes, I want to visit a very large park in Egypt that I read about. I heard it has impressive gardens and cultural attractions, so I would like to see its architecture and experience the local atmosphere.

× Yes, of course I liked, I liked going to park when I was a child now, because at the in the park you can make a new relationship, new friends, you can talk to people, you can play with kids, you can admire the sunrise or the sun.

✓ Yes, of course I liked it. I liked going to the park when I was a child because in the park you could make new friendships and new friends, talk to people, play with other children, and admire the sunrise.

Multiple problems: sentence tense and phrasing. Use past tense consistently (liked, liked going, could) for childhood habits. Include object 'it' after 'liked'. Use the definite article 'the' with 'park' when referring to a specific place in general. Replace 'make a new relationship' with 'make new friendships' or 'form new relationships'. 'Kids' better as 'other children' in formal speech. Remove redundant 'the sun' and choose 'sunrise' for clarity. Combine clauses into clear, grammatical sentences.

× Yes, of course, I spend the most of my free time there talking with my friend, especially in winter, because the weather is cool. Not too hot, not too cold, it's cool. I smell the.

✓ Yes, of course. I spend most of my free time there talking with my friends, especially in winter because the weather is cool — not too hot, not too cold. I enjoy the smells there.

Use 'spend most of my free time' (remove 'the'). Use plural 'friends' if speaking generally. Keep present simple for habitual actions. Join short sentences for fluency. 'I smell the.' is incomplete; complete it to 'I enjoy the smells there' or specify what you smell. Ensure pronoun consistency and complete clause structure.

× Yes, why not, Uh, there, there are two or three parks in my city. I want to see more than that because it's important to spend free time in there and walk, speak.

✓ Yes, why not. There are two or three parks in my city. I would like to see more than that because it's important to spend free time there walking and talking.

Minor fixes: keep 'there are' is correct but remove filler repetition. Use 'would like' for polite desire. 'in there' is incorrect; use 'there'. Use gerunds after prepositions: 'walking and talking' rather than 'walk, speak'. Maintain parallel structure.

× Yeah, there is one. It is in Egypt. I heard that, uh, it's very huge, very big. I'm very confused, like what is the special? What? What does makes it special? I want to go see it.

✓ Yes, there is one. It is in Egypt. I heard that it is very large. I'm curious about what makes it special. I want to go and see it.

Replace colloquial 'very huge, very big' with 'very large' or 'huge'. 'I'm very confused, like what is the special?' is ungrammatical; use 'I'm curious about what makes it special.' Remove extra 'does' in 'does makes' — correct form is 'makes'. Use 'go and see it' or 'go to see it' for natural phrasing.