Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문법과 문장구조를 정확하게 고치고, 핵심 내용을 명확한 주제문으로 시작하세요. 불필요한 망설임 단어(umm, so)를 줄이고 과거 습관을 표현할 때는 과거형과 빈도부사(usually, often)를 정확히 사용하세요. 또한 이유를 말할 때는 연결어(because, so, therefore)를 사용해 문장을 논리적으로 연결하고 구체적인 활동 예시를 하나 정도 덧붙이면 좋습니다.

例: Not really. I wasn't very good at running or playing with other children when I was young, so I usually stayed at home. I often read books or did other indoor activities like drawing and puzzles because I felt more comfortable inside.

提案: 시제와 표현을 정확히 맞추고, 문장을 간결하게 정리하세요. 'When I was retired'는 상황에 맞지 않으니 삭제하거나 교체하세요. 현재의 취향 변화를 설명할 때는 과거와 현재를 비교하는 문장 구조(topic sentence + reason + example)를 사용하고 연결어(now, however, because)를 써 문맥을 명확히 하세요.

例: Yes, I do. I didn't enjoy parks much when I was younger, but as I grew up I started to appreciate nature and sunlight. Now I enjoy spending time outdoors because it helps me relax and stay active.

提案: 의미 전달이 흐릿합니다. 현재 도시에 공원이 없는 사실을 명확한 문장으로 표현하고, 자신의 의견(보고 싶은지 여부)과 그 이유를 덧붙이세요. 'there are no parks' 같은 표현을 정확한 어순으로 쓰고, 이유를 제시할 때는 구체적인 혜택(휴식, 환경 개선 등)을 언급하면 점수가 오릅니다.

例: Actually, there are no parks in the city where I live, so I would like to have more. Parks would provide places for people to relax and for children to play, and they would improve the city's environment.

提案: 공원 이름과 이유를 정확히 말하고 비교 표현을 올바르게 쓰세요. 영화에서 본 경험을 언급할 때는 'I saw it in a movie'처럼 자연스럽게 말하세요. 비교문장은 'bigger than'처럼 정확한 형용사 비교 형태를 사용하고, 방문 계획(when/how)도 간단히 덧붙이면 좋습니다.

例: Yes, I want to visit Central Park in New York. I first saw it in movies and it looks much bigger and more impressive than parks in Korea. I hope to go there someday to walk around the green spaces and see the famous landmarks.

× Umm, maybe not 'cause I was.

✓ Umm, maybe not, because I wasn't.

The original sentence is fragmented and omits the necessary verb and object; contracting 'because' to 'cause' is informal and the clause 'I was' is incomplete. Use 'I wasn't' to show negation with a clear main verb. Suggestion: complete clauses with subject + auxiliary + complement (e.g., 'I wasn't').

× So I was not good at the running or play other kids with.

✓ So I was not good at running or playing with other kids.

Incorrect use of 'the' before 'running' and wrong verb forms: after 'good at' use gerunds (verb+ing). 'Play' should be 'playing' and 'with other kids' is the correct prepositional phrase. Suggestion: after 'good at' use gerunds: 'good at running' and 'playing with other kids'. Also remove unnecessary definite article 'the'.

× So I usually in at the home and I almost read a book or doing other activities indoors.

✓ So I usually stayed at home and I mostly read a book or did other activities indoors.

Preposition 'in at the home' is incorrect; use 'at home'. Tense consistency: original shifts awkwardly; use past tense 'stayed' and 'did'. 'Almost' is incorrect here; 'mostly' fits. Also 'doing' should be past 'did' for parallel structure. Suggestion: keep consistent past tense and correct preposition 'at home'.

× So yeah.

✓ So yeah.

This filler is acceptable as an informal closing; no grammatical correction necessary. (No change required.)

× Umm, yes, When I was retired I didn't like the parks, but as I grow up I love the nature and sunshine and outdoors.

✓ Umm, yes. When I was younger I didn't like parks, but as I grew up I came to love nature, sunshine, and the outdoors.

'When I was retired' is incorrect for childhood context; use 'younger'. Tense agreement: 'as I grow up' should be past 'as I grew up'. 'I love the nature' should be 'I came to love nature' and 'outdoors' needs 'the' with 'outdoors' or use 'the outdoors'. Suggestion: maintain past perspective and use correct verb forms 'grew' and 'came to love'.

× So I think I love the parks then when I was young.

✓ So I think I love parks more now than when I was young.

Mixes present and past incorrectly and word order is wrong. Use comparative 'more now than when I was young' to express change. Suggestion: use 'more now than when I was young' or 'I love parks more now than I did when I was young.'

× Actually the city now I'm in, I'm leaves there are no parks.

✓ Actually, in the city where I live now, there are no parks.

'The city now I'm in' is awkward; use 'in the city where I live now'. 'I'm leaves' is ungrammatical. Correct structure is 'there are no parks.' Suggestion: use 'there are' to state existence and clear relative clause 'where I live now'.

× So I don't like the seeing the parks in my cities 'cause they are not exist.

✓ So I don't like seeing parks in my city because they don't exist.

'The seeing' is incorrect; use the verb 'seeing' without 'the'. 'My cities' should be singular 'my city' to match context. 'They are not exist' is incorrect; use 'they don't exist' or 'there aren't any'. Suggestion: use 'don't exist' and ensure noun/pronoun number agreement.

× Oh yes, uh, I want to go to Central city center Park in New York.

✓ Oh yes, I want to go to Central Park in New York City.

Incorrect name and word order: 'Central city center Park' is wrong. Correct proper noun is 'Central Park' and 'New York City' is the standard form. Suggestion: use correct proper names and consistent capitalization.

× So because I thought that in movie at 1st and I think it's the better than compared to other Korea perks because it's so big than other parks.

✓ I want to go because I first saw it in a movie, and I think it's better than other parks in Korea because it is much bigger.

Multiple issues: 'So because' is redundant; 'thought that in movie at 1st' is ungrammatical—use 'I first saw it in a movie'. 'It's the better than compared to' is incorrect; use 'better than'. 'Korea perks' should be 'parks in Korea'. 'So big than' should be 'much bigger' or 'bigger than'. Suggestion: simplify and use correct comparative structures: 'better than' and 'bigger than' or 'much bigger'.

× So I wanna go there in.

✓ So I want to go there.

'Wanna' is informal; use 'want to'. 'Go there in' is incomplete—likely an extra word 'in' should be removed. Suggestion: use full forms in formal tests and avoid stray prepositions.