Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Сократите паузы и заполнители (uh, hmm), давайте ясное вступление и поддерживающие детали. Постройте ответ из 2–4 предложений: тема + 1–2 конкретные причины/пример. Используйте связки (for example, because, also) и конкретные детали (игры, прогулки, природа).

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they were peaceful places where I could walk and relax. For example, I often played on the swings and had picnics with my family, which made those visits special.

提案: Исправьте грамматику и произношение, избегайте повторов. Дайте чёткое утверждение, затем 1–2 конкретные причины с примерами. Используйте связки (because, also, for example) и точные слова (attractions, scenery).

例: Yes, I still like going to parks because they are beautiful and relaxing. For example, I enjoy the scenery and sometimes I visit playgrounds where there are different attractions for children.

提案: Уберите неуверенные слова (maybe, um) и сформулируйте мнение ясно. Дайте одну конкретную позицию с причинами и примером: почему больше парков полезно или вредно. Используйте связки (however, because, therefore) и точные слова (safety, maintenance, green space).

例: I would generally like to see more parks in my city because they provide green space and places for children to play. However, new parks should be safe and well-maintained, otherwise they could become dangerous for kids.

提案: Сформулируйте конкретное желание и объясните причину кратко и ясно. Избегайте непонятных формулировок; используйте точную лексику (Disneyland, theme park, rides). Добавьте связку для примера (for example).

例: Yes, I would love to visit Disneyland in the future because it is a famous theme park with many attractions for children. For example, I want to try the rides and see characters from the Disney movies I watched as a child.

× Yes, because every park, hmm Why uh, going to park as a child. We walk and uh, relax. Also, uh, every people want to.

✓ Yes, because when I was a child I liked going to parks. We would walk and relax. Also, many people wanted to go.

The original contains sentence fragments, missing subjects and incorrect word order. Use a full clause 'when I was a child' to set the time and 'liked going to parks' for correct verb usage. 'We walk and relax' should be past habitual 'we would walk and relax' to match past context. 'Every people' is incorrect; use 'many people' or 'everyone' depending on meaning. Suggestions: make complete sentences with clear subjects and correct tense; replace 'every people' with 'many people' or 'everyone'.

× Yes, I like I'm going to pack now because in park is very beautiful. Also there is a lot attraction for children. Every attraction is perfect for every.

✓ Yes, I like going to parks now because the park is very beautiful. Also, there are a lot of attractions for children. Every attraction is perfect for everyone.

Errors include unnecessary 'I'm going to pack', missing articles and incorrect plural forms. Use 'going to parks' or 'going to the park' depending on meaning. 'In park is very beautiful' needs the definite article 'the park' or 'parks are'. 'A lot attraction' should be plural 'a lot of attractions' and 'every' at the end is vague; use 'everyone'. Suggestions: use correct articles ('the' or none) and pluralize nouns; replace vague 'every' with 'everyone'.

× MMM, it depends on situation because uh, every park, uh, is the base for children. Umm, but they have uh, harmful because they every child.

✓ It depends on the situation because parks are important for children. However, they can be harmful to some children.

Original is fragmented and ungrammatical. 'Depends on situation' needs the article 'the' and a clear subject-verb structure. 'Is the base for children' is awkward; use 'are important for children' or 'serve as a place for children'. The clause 'they have harmful because they every child' is unclear; likely intended 'they can be harmful to some children'. Suggestions: make clauses clear and logical, use plural agreement ('parks are') and correct preposition 'to' with 'harmful to'.

× Yes I want to Disney back because Disney park every child wish because we watch 2 cartoon every cartoon with Disney.

✓ Yes, I want to go to Disneyland because every child wishes to go to Disney parks; we watched two Disney cartoons.

Missing verbs and incorrect word order: 'I want to Disney back' should be 'I want to go to Disneyland'. 'Disney park every child wish' needs subject-verb agreement and articles: 'every child wishes to go to Disney parks'. 'We watch 2 cartoon every cartoon with Disney' should be past tense 'we watched two Disney cartoons' or present perfect depending on context. Suggestions: include correct infinitive 'to go to', ensure subject-verb agreement, use plural nouns and correct tense for actions.