Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and give one specific supporting detail. Use linking words if needed.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, my family often had picnics under the big oak tree, and I remember taking photos on the swings, which made those visits very special.

提案: Answer directly and correct grammar. Use a topic sentence then give a brief reason or contrast. Avoid filler words like 'yeah' after a complete sentence.

例: I would like to go to parks now, but unfortunately there are none near my home. Because of that, I usually visit green spaces in nearby towns when I can.

提案: Make sentences grammatically correct and more specific. Give one clear reason with an example and use linking words to connect ideas. Avoid vague phrases like 'vibes with the peace.'

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they improve air quality and provide places for families to relax. For instance, a new park could include a playground and benches where parents can watch their children safely play.

提案: Provide a specific example and a short reason to make your answer concrete. Use a topic sentence then add a detail or plan.

例: Yes, I hope to visit Central Park in New York someday because I have seen pictures of its lakes and walking paths and I would enjoy a long walk there.

× I remember having many pictures being in the park while I was young.

✓ I remember having many pictures of me in the park when I was young.

The phrase 'being in the park' is awkward after 'pictures'. Use a preposition and object to show who is depicted: 'pictures of me in the park'. Also use 'when I was young' for time reference rather than 'while' to sound natural.

× So yes, I liked being going to parks.

✓ So yes, I liked going to parks.

The combination 'being going' is ungrammatical. Use the gerund 'going' after a verb like 'liked' to indicate a habitual action in the past: 'liked going'.

× Sadly, where I live there's no parks here, so yeah, I would love to go to the parks.

✓ Sadly, where I live there are no parks, so I would love to go to parks.

'There is' requires plural agreement with 'parks' so it should be 'there are'. Remove the redundant 'here' and the article 'the' before 'parks' unless referring to specific parks. Also 'would love to go to parks' sounds more natural.

× Yes, I would love to see many parks in my city because it brings environment to be more chill.

✓ Yes, I would love to see more parks in my city because they would make the environment more pleasant.

The clause 'it brings environment to be more chill' is ungrammatical and unclear. Replace with a clear subject 'they' (parks) and verb phrase 'would make the environment more pleasant' to express the intended result. 'More parks' is more natural than 'many parks' in this context.

× The children playing there with their parents.

✓ There would be children playing there with their parents.

This fragment lacks a main verb. To make a complete sentence, add an auxiliary/modal: 'There would be children playing there with their parents' or 'Children would play there with their parents.' Choose structure that matches the hypothetical tone.

× It's it's vibes with the peace.

✓ It has a peaceful vibe.

'It's it's vibes with the peace' is ungrammatical and redundant. Use 'It has a peaceful vibe' or 'It feels peaceful.' This corrects the noun/verb form and word choice.

× Are there any parks you want to go to in the future?

✓ Are there any parks you want to go to in the future?

This sentence is grammatically correct. No change needed. (Included for completeness.)

× Yes, there are parks I want to go in the future and I can't wait until I see them.

✓ Yes, there are parks I want to go to in the future, and I can't wait to see them.

Add the missing preposition 'to' after 'go'. Replace 'can't wait until I see them' with the more natural 'can't wait to see them'. Also add a comma before 'and' to join the clauses.