Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce repetition and produce a clear topic sentence followed by one or two concise supporting details. Use linking words and more specific vocabulary (e.g., ‘playing baseball with my friends on weekends’). Keep to at most five sentences and avoid hesitations.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often played baseball there with my friends on weekends, which helped me stay active and build friendships.

提案: Correct pronunciation and avoid filler words. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add a specific reason and a linking word (e.g., ‘because’ or ‘so’). Use precise verbs and reduce repetition.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because I like walking on the tree-lined paths and relaxing on a bench while reading.

提案: Be careful with word choice (use ‘parks’ or ‘green spaces’, not ‘products’) and provide one or two specific benefits with linking words (e.g., ‘for example’, ‘so’). Keep sentences varied and concise.

例: Yes, I would. There are very few parks in my city, so adding more green spaces would give residents places to exercise and relax and, for example, could improve local air quality and make neighborhoods more attractive.

提案: Fix vocabulary errors (‘products’→‘parks’, unclear park name ‘Ordinary Park’). Provide a clear topic sentence, then one specific reason and a linking phrase. Limit to three sentences and avoid over-strong adverbs like ‘exceptionally’—use natural phrases such as ‘really excited’.

例: Yes. Although I live in Tokyo now, I would love to visit Nakajima Park in Sapporo because I’ve heard its winter scenery is beautiful. I’m really excited to see the park during the snow festival.

× Yes I did. I loved, I loved going to the park when I was a child and then I I enjoyed playing, playing the playing baseball with my friends.

✓ Yes, I did. I loved going to the park when I was a child, and I enjoyed playing baseball with my friends.

Multiple repetitions and disfluent words do not change tense but create errors; main verbs are past tense and correct. Remove repeated words and extra commas to produce a clear past-tense sentence. Suggestion: keep verbs in simple past and avoid repeating words.

× Yes I do. I like to go to perks now 'cause I like walk through the parks and then I can I can relax there.

✓ Yes, I do. I like to go to parks now because I like to walk through them, and I can relax there.

Errors include spelling 'perks' for 'parks' and omission of 'to' after 'like' for the verb 'walk'. Also duplicated 'I can'. These are present-tense statements, so keep simple present: 'like to walk' or 'like walking'. Suggestion: use 'because' for formal responses, ensure infinitive 'to walk' or gerund 'walking', and avoid repetition.

× Yes, I would. There are no parks in my city, so I think getting more green spaces would give people places to exercise and relax. More products would also improve air quality and make the neighborhood more attractive.

✓ Yes, I would. There are no parks in my city, so I think getting more green spaces would give people places to exercise and relax. More plants would also improve air quality and make the neighborhood more attractive.

The sentence used 'products' incorrectly; context requires 'plants' or 'trees'. This is a vocabulary/preposition-type choice but fits 'There be' context regarding existence of parks. Replace incorrect noun to match meaning. Suggestion: use 'plants' or 'trees' to refer to vegetation that improves air quality.

× Yes, I live in Tokyo now, but I would really like to visit Nakajima Koen in Sapporo in the future because I've heard the products in winter scenery. They're beautiful. I'm exceptionally keen to see Ordinary Park during the snow festival.

✓ Yes, I live in Tokyo now, but I would really like to visit Nakajima Koen in Sapporo in the future because I've heard about its winter scenery. It's beautiful. I'm especially keen to see Odori Park during the snow festival.

Multiple errors: 'I've heard the products in winter scenery' is incorrect — use 'I've heard about its winter scenery' (present perfect + preposition). 'They're beautiful' should agree with singular 'scenery' so 'It's beautiful' or refer to 'scenes' or 'views'. 'Exceptionally keen' is grammatical but 'especially keen' is more natural. 'Ordinary Park' is a mistranslation of 'Odori Park'. Suggestions: use 'heard about', match subject-verb agreement, choose natural adverb, and use correct proper noun 'Odori Park'.