Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and precise. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid invented phrases (e.g., “park holy person”), and add one or two specific supporting details using a linking word. Keep it under five sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, I would spend every afternoon at the playground near my school, where I enjoyed climbing the jungle gym and playing tag with friends. This routine helped me stay active and made those years very memorable.

提案: Use accurate vocabulary and avoid repetition. Give a concise reason and one supporting detail with a linking word (e.g., “however” or “because”). Replace unclear words ("haptic") with correct ones such as "hectic" or "busy".

例: Yes, I still enjoy visiting parks; however, I rarely go now because I have a very hectic schedule due to work. When I do find time, I usually go for a short walk to relax and get some fresh air.

提案: Make the response more natural and specific. Start with a direct opinion, then give two clear benefits using linking words like "because" and "for example." Use more natural phrasing (e.g., "residents" instead of "people living in there").

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they would improve the urban environment and provide places for exercise. For example, new parks with playgrounds and walking trails would encourage residents to be more active and socialize.

提案: Avoid repeating phrases and be concise. Provide a clear topic sentence and, if possible, add a brief reason or a conditional note using a linking word like "because" or "unless."

例: At the moment, I don't have any plans to visit parks in the near future because my schedule is full. However, if I find some free time or if a new park opens nearby, I would consider going.

× No matter whether it is in my school or in my neighborhood, I was always park holy person.

✓ No matter whether it was at my school or in my neighborhood, I was always a park-loving person.

Tense consistency and word choice: 'is' should be 'was' to match past time frame 'as a child.' Preposition 'in' is wrong for specific locations like school; use 'at.' 'park holy person' is incorrect collocation; 'park-loving person' conveys intended meaning. Also add article 'a' before the noun phrase.

× I have a very haptic schedule.

✓ I have a very hectic schedule.

Word choice error: 'haptic' relates to touch and is not used to describe schedules. The correct adjective is 'hectic.' Use vocabulary appropriate to meaning.

× I would like to see more parks in my city as it will enhance the beauty of my hometown alongside fitness of my people living in there.

✓ I would like to see more parks in my city, as they would enhance the beauty of my hometown and the health of the people living there.

Preposition and collocation issues: 'alongside fitness of my people living in there' is unnatural. Use 'and the health of the people living there.' Also 'it will' should match plural 'parks' so use 'they would' for hypothetical polite preference. Remove extra 'in' before 'there.'

× Currently, I do not have any plans to visit any kind of park, so I do not think that I will be visiting any kind of parks in future.

✓ Currently, I do not have any plans to visit any kind of park, so I do not think that I will be visiting any kind of park in the future.

Article and number consistency: 'parks in future' needs 'in the future.' Maintain consistency in singular/plural after 'any kind of'—use singular 'park' both times. Also add definite article 'the' before 'future.'

× I like to visit parks, but I do not have sufficient time to visit parks nowadays because I have a very haptic schedule.

✓ I like to visit parks, but I do not have sufficient time to visit them nowadays because I have a very hectic schedule.

Pronoun reference and redundancy: Repeating 'visit parks' is redundant; replace second occurrence with pronoun 'them.' Also 'haptic' is incorrect as noted earlier; use 'hectic.'