Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the tense consistent, use a clear topic sentence and add one specific supporting detail. Avoid repetition and keep it concise (max 5 sentences).

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child. I often visited the local park with my parents, where I played on the swings and fed the ducks, which made those visits very memorable.

提案: Use a more natural phrasing and provide a specific reason or example of what you do there. Remove awkward phrasing like “it is my hobby going to the park.” Keep sentences clear and linked.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I go regularly to jog and read under the trees because the fresh air helps me relax and clear my mind.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific benefits of more parks using linking words. Be slightly more concise and avoid filler phrases.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in the city because they provide green space for people to relax. For example, additional parks would encourage outdoor exercise and offer quiet areas for families and students to study.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and name specific parks, then explain why you want to visit one or what you expect to do there. Avoid fillers like “uh” and repeating similar names.

例: Yes, I want to visit large amusement parks such as Universal Studios and Hong Kong Disneyland because I’m excited to try the themed rides and see the parades and shows unique to those parks.

× Yes, I like to go to the park when I was a child.

✓ Yes, I liked going to the park when I was a child.

The time expression 'when I was a child' refers to the past, so the verb should be in the past tense. Use 'liked' (past) and 'going' (gerund) for a natural phrasing: 'I liked going to the park when I was a child.' Suggestion: Match verb tense to the time reference; use past simple for completed past habits.

× Yes, I still like going to the parks now, especially that it is my hobby going to the park.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks now; in fact, going to the park is one of my hobbies.

The original mixes singular/plural and unnatural phrasing. 'Going to the parks' or 'going to parks' is fine, but 'especially that it is my hobby going to the park' is ungrammatical. Reword to 'going to the park is one of my hobbies' for clarity and correct noun phrase structure. Suggestion: Keep consistent plural/singular and use natural noun phrases like 'one of my hobbies.'

× I think it is very important to have more parks in our city so we can go there to just unwind and then enjoy the place where we are.

✓ I think it is very important to have more parks in our city so we can go there to unwind and enjoy the surroundings.

The sentence is mostly correct but wordy and contains awkward phrasing 'just unwind and then enjoy the place where we are.' Simplify by removing unnecessary words. No modal error strictly, but clarity and conciseness improve grammar and fluency. Suggestion: Use concise expressions like 'unwind' and 'enjoy the surroundings' to sound natural.

× I would want to experience amusement parks like going to, uh, Universal Studio or going to Hong Kong Disneyland or other Disneyland.

✓ I would like to visit amusement parks such as Universal Studios or Hong Kong Disneyland.

Use 'would like' rather than 'would want' for polite desires. Also correct the proper names: 'Universal Studios' (plural) and 'Hong Kong Disneyland.' Remove repetitive 'going to.' 'Other Disneyland' is incorrect; use 'other Disney parks' if you mean additional parks. Suggestion: Use 'would like to visit' and correct proper nouns; avoid repetition.