Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more concise. Start with a direct topic sentence (Yes/No + brief reason), then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and unclear phrases. Use linking words (for example, because, so, and) to connect ideas and correct basic grammar (e.g., past tense consistency, singular/plural).

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because my parents often took my siblings and me there to celebrate good grades. For example, I remember playing on the swings and slides with neighborhood kids, and I even met my best friend at the playground, which made those visits very memorable.

提案: Give a clear, structured answer: state whether you still like parks, then give two specific, relevant reasons using linking words. Avoid unclear vocabulary and fragments. Keep to past vs present tenses correctly and make sure examples are relevant to adults (exercise, relax, socialising).

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks now because they offer activities I couldn't try as a child and a relaxed place to meet people. For instance, modern parks often have fitness classes and themed play areas, and I sometimes meet professionals there who became useful contacts for my career.

提案: Make your answer concise and avoid repeating the same idea. Give a clear topic sentence and then add one or two specific benefits (health, community, environment) with linking words like because or for example. Use varied vocabulary instead of repeating "having fun."

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they improve public health and strengthen community ties. For example, new parks could provide spaces for jogging and yoga classes and host community events where people can meet and build useful connections.

提案: Answer directly and use precise phrasing. Begin with a clear statement of intent, then give specific reasons why you want to visit that park. Avoid hesitation words and minor grammar errors (use present/future tense consistently).

例: Yes, I have a specific park I want to visit in the future: Disneyland Paris. I would love to go because it offers unique themed attractions and shows that I have never experienced, and it would be a fun cultural trip with great photo opportunities.

× My parents used to take my siblings and me to the bath to celebrate us whenever we get good grades.

✓ My parents used to take my siblings and me to the bath to celebrate whenever we got good grades.

Tense and preposition use: 'whenever we get good grades' mixes past habitual context with present tense; change to past tense 'got' to match 'used to'. Also 'to celebrate us' is unnatural; 'to celebrate' without 'us' is correct in this context. Use consistent past tense for habitual past actions.

× And it was quite fun because I got to make a lot of children.

✓ And it was quite fun because I got to meet a lot of children.

Wrong verb: 'make a lot of children' is incorrect; the intended meaning is meeting children, so use 'meet'. This fixes semantic error and sentence structure.

× I got to make a lot of friends.

✓ I made a lot of friends.

Tense and phrasing: 'got to make' is awkward for past habitual friendships; 'I made a lot of friends' is natural and concise for past events.

× I played on swings, slides and then we go round and I even if my interest is to know that I have a friend, I still my best friend.

✓ I played on swings and slides, we went round and round, and I even found out that I had a best friend.

Multiple issues: tense inconsistency ('played' past vs 'we go' present), awkward phrasing ('even if my interest is to know that I have a friend, I still my best friend' is ungrammatical). Correct by keeping past tense and using clear verbs: 'went round and round' and 'found out that I had a best friend'.

× I met her back then at the park.

✓ I met her back then at the park.

This sentence is correct in past tense and needs no change. It is included for completeness; 'met' correctly indicates a past event.

× Yes, I still open to playgrounds even as an adult.

✓ Yes, I am still open to playgrounds even as an adult.

Missing verb 'am' for the adjective phrase 'open to'. Use the copula 'am' to form the present tense 'I am still open to'. This fixes sentence structure and agreement.

× I get to express new games that I didn't that weren't available but then during my childhood, like the fairies will the pirate ships, and I still get to meet a lot of people.

✓ I get to try new games that weren't available during my childhood, like fairground rides such as pirate ships, and I can still meet a lot of people.

Multiple problems: ungrammatical fragments and incorrect verbs ('express new games', 'didn't that weren't available', 'fairies will the pirate ships'). Reword to 'try new games' and place modifier 'that weren't available during my childhood' correctly. Replace 'fairies' with 'fairground rides' and clarify 'pirate ships'. Use 'can' or 'get to' consistently.

× I don't have contacts and connections that are useful to me even in my career life.

✓ I don't have contacts or connections that are useful to me in my career.

Word choice and redundancy: 'contacts and connections' is repetitive; use 'contacts or connections'. 'Even in my career life' is awkward; 'in my career' is concise. Also maintain present tense; sentence structure improved.

× Yes, I would really love to see more parks in my city, not only for the purpose of having fun, but also for the purpose of networking, connecting with people, getting contact and also having fun.

✓ Yes, I would really love to see more parks in my city, not only for having fun, but also for networking, meeting people, and making contacts.

Redundancy and word choice: 'for the purpose of' repeated is wordy; simplify to 'for'. 'Getting contact' is incorrect; use 'making contacts' or 'meeting people'. Remove repeated 'having fun' and keep parallel structure in the list.

× Yes, there were parks I would like to go to in the future, but I have this particular one in mind and that's the Disney Island in Paris.

✓ Yes, there are parks I would like to go to in the future, but I have one particular place in mind: Disneyland in Paris.

Tense and noun accuracy: 'There were parks I would like to go to in the future' incorrectly uses past tense 'were'; use present 'are' because desire applies now. 'Disney Island' is incorrect name; the correct name is 'Disneyland'. Use clear phrasing 'one particular place in mind'.