Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more fluent and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, reduce hesitations, correct grammar (use past tense), and give one or two specific supporting details. Keep it under five sentences and use simple linking words (for example, 'because' or 'and').

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because I often played there with my friends. For example, we would play tag and ride swings every weekend, which made me very happy. Those visits are special memories because I felt free and had lots of fun.

提案: Improve grammar and clarity: use present simple correctly, avoid vague words like 'human' and explain who you mean. Give a clear reason and one specific activity. Use a linking word such as 'because' and keep it concise.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they offer many activities. For example, at Gold Park I often play football with my friends and join group exercises, which is fun and keeps me fit.

提案: Give a direct opinion first and then one or two specific reasons. Avoid unclear words (e.g., 'autonomy', 'squishom') and use linking words like 'because' or 'so'. Mention concrete benefits such as green spaces, flowers, or areas for children.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they make the area greener and more attractive. For example, more parks with flowers and playgrounds would improve air quality and give families safe places to relax.

提案: State the park clearly and give a specific reason why you want to visit. Avoid excessive hesitations and keep to two or three sentences. Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' and explain what you would do there.

例: I would like to visit Victoria Harbour Park in Hong Kong because it has a beautiful waterfront view. For instance, I could walk along the promenade, take photos of the skyline, and relax while enjoying the scenery.

× B and I umm, a child I go to, I go park and play with, uh, my friends.

✓ When I was a child, I used to go to parks and play with my friends.

The original sentence has disordered elements and missing tense markers, making it unclear. This is a sentence structure and tense issue. Use a clear subject ('I'), past time marker ('When I was a child'), and past habitual form ('used to go') to show repeated childhood activity. Remove filler sounds and reorder phrases for clarity. Suggestions: start with a time phrase, use 'used to' for past habitual actions, and place the object after the verb ('go to parks').

× Tony umm, this is uh, really amazing experience because I play really fun, really happy.

✓ It was a really amazing experience because I had a lot of fun and felt very happy.

The student mixes present forms with past narrative context. 'Play really fun' is incorrect: 'have fun' is the correct collocation and needs past tense here ('had a lot of fun'). 'Really happy' should be expressed as 'felt very happy'. Use past tense consistency when recounting past experiences. Suggestions: use appropriate verbs ('have fun') and match tense across the sentence; use 'felt' or 'was' for emotions in past tense.

× Yes, because Gold Park have many good thing to do uh like I play with the human and they usually uh, play with me and interested and fun yes.

✓ Yes, because Gold Park has many good things to do, like playing with people; they usually play with me, and it is interesting and fun.

Multiple issues: subject-verb agreement ('Park have' should be 'Park has') and noun pluralization ('good thing' -> 'good things'). 'I play with the human' is unnatural; use 'playing with people'. Maintain gerund form after 'like' when referring to activities. 'Interested and fun' should be 'interesting and fun' to describe the experience. Suggestions: ensure subject-verb agreement, pluralize countable nouns, use gerunds after 'like', and use adjectives correctly ('interesting').

× Autonomy. To park, uh, more, uh, in the city, uh, more flower, more squishom, umm, that is uh, quite good of the whole city.

✓ I would like more parks in the city, with more flowers and green spaces; that would be good for the whole city.

The original is fragmented and contains nonstandard words ('Autonomy', 'squishom') and poor sentence structure. Recast as a clear wish using 'I would like' and specify desirable features ('more flowers and green spaces'). Use a cohesive clause to state the positive effect on the city. Suggestions: form a full declarative sentence, replace unclear words with standard vocabulary ('green spaces' for 'squishom'), and use condition/result phrasing ('that would be good for the whole city').

× Uh, the, uh, Kong Kong, Victoria Harbour, uh, park, because you know, there are many people who umm, have a good view.

✓ I would like to go to Victoria Harbour Park in Hong Kong because there are many places with a good view.

The student's naming is confused ('the Kong Kong') and the relative clause is awkward. Use correct proper noun order ('Victoria Harbour Park in Hong Kong') and 'there are' correctly with a clear noun ('places with a good view'). Maintain future or conditional intent with 'I would like to go'. Suggestions: use correct place names, use 'there are' with a clear plural noun, and express desire with 'I would like to go'.

× Uh, we can sorry, sorry, then we can go and we can help.

✓ We could go there and help each other or help with activities.

This sentence is repetitive and vague. Replace fillers ('sorry') and use a clear modal to express possibility ('could') and a clear object for 'help'. If mutual assistance is intended, 'help each other' is appropriate; if assisting park activities, specify that. Suggestions: remove filler words, choose an appropriate modal verb for polite possibility ('could' or 'can'), and specify who or what is being helped.