Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more natural and concise: start with a clear topic sentence about enjoying parks as a child, then give one or two specific supporting details. Correct grammar (articles, verb forms) and avoid redundancy. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, "and", "for example").

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often played with other kids there, and I learned about nature by planting flowers and observing insects, which was both fun and educational.

提案: Give a clear, grammatical topic sentence and one or two coherent reasons. Fix verb agreement and unclear phrases (e.g. "when I were a child", "listening to the bears songs"). Avoid filler words like "you know." Use linking words such as "however" or "nowadays" correctly.

例: I still enjoy going to parks now, but for different reasons. Nowadays I go mainly to relax and read, and I like the bird songs because they help me concentrate while I study.

提案: Provide a direct answer then explain reasons clearly. Remove hesitations like "uh" and incorrect word choices ("Departedly", "underground"). Use linking words to show contrast (e.g. "but", "however"). Be more specific about constraints (e.g. lack of land or funding).

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city, but it is difficult because there is very little available land in the city center. However, the city could convert vacant lots or rooftops into small green spaces.

提案: Begin with a clear topic sentence naming the park, then give specific reasons why you want to visit. Avoid repetition ("renowned and famous", "a lot") and keep to two or three sentences. Use linking words like "because" and "for example" to structure details.

例: I would love to visit Central Park in New York in the future. I have heard it is very spacious and popular for jogging, and I would like to try running there and experiencing the city atmosphere.

× In my opinion, going to park is very useful for children, so I prefer to go to parks because I can find a lot of friends, I can experience a lot of new things like planting flowers or behaving with other animals or insects and such a things.

✓ In my opinion, going to the park is very useful for children, so I prefer to go to parks because I can make a lot of friends, I can experience many new things like planting flowers or interacting with animals or insects and such things.

Errors: missing definite article before 'park' (use 'the park' when speaking generally about the activity), incorrect collocation 'find a lot of friends' (use 'make a lot of friends'), incorrect quantifier 'a lot of new things' acceptable but 'many new things' sounds more natural, awkward phrase 'behaving with other animals' should be 'interacting with animals', 'such a things' is ungrammatical (remove 'a' or use 'such things'). Suggestion: use 'the park' for general activity, use correct collocations (make friends, interact with), and match quantifiers and noun number.

× Today the atmosphere of the parks is really different with the previous ones when I were a child, but nowadays I prefer to go park to chill out and read books because you know, listening to the bears songs can make you concentrate on your voice.

✓ Today the atmosphere of the parks is really different from what it was when I was a child, but nowadays I prefer to go to the park to chill out and read books because, you know, listening to the birds' songs can help me concentrate.

Errors: 'different with' should be 'different from', incorrect reference 'the previous ones' replaced with 'what it was' for clarity, subject-verb agreement in past 'when I were a child' should be 'when I was a child' (past tense singular), missing preposition 'go park' should be 'go to the park', 'bears songs' is incorrect—likely 'birds' songs' and possessive form required 'birds' songs', 'can make you concentrate on your voice' is unidiomatic—use 'help me concentrate'. Suggestion: use correct prepositions, past tense 'was', and natural collocations.

× Departedly, I would like to have more parks in my city, but uh underground it is not possible because there is no uh free spaces for uh developing parks and establishing new ones.

✓ Actually, I would like to have more parks in my city, but underground it is not possible because there are no free spaces for developing and establishing new parks.

Errors: 'Departedly' is incorrect word choice—use 'actually' or 'ideally'; 'there is no free spaces' has a number mismatch: use 'there are no free spaces' (plural) or 'there is no free space' (singular). 'developing parks and establishing new ones' is repetitive; streamline to 'developing and establishing new parks'. Suggestion: choose appropriate discourse marker, ensure subject-verb agreement with quantifiers, and avoid redundancy.

× One of the renowned and famous parks that I would like to go in the future is the Central Park of New York, because I heard about it a lot and it is very spacious and a lot of people go there for jogging and running, and I would like to run there.

✓ One of the renowned parks that I would like to visit in the future is Central Park in New York, because I have heard about it a lot; it is very spacious and many people go there to jog and run, and I would like to run there.

Errors: 'go in the future' should be 'visit in the future' (use visit for destinations), 'the Central Park of New York' is better as 'Central Park in New York', 'heard about it a lot' more natural as 'have heard about it a lot' (present perfect for experience), 'a lot of people' OK but 'many people' more formal, 'go there for jogging and running' should be 'go there to jog and run' (use infinitive after 'go there to'). Suggestion: use correct prepositions for locations, choose appropriate verbs for visiting places, and use present perfect for prior experiences.