Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more fluent and grammatically correct, keep it concise (max 5 sentences), use a clear topic sentence then 1–2 specific supporting details. Remove repetition and correct verb tense. Add linking words (for example, “because” or “so”) to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often went with my family because my parents preferred I wasn’t alone, and we would play games on the grass or have picnics. Those visits are some of my happiest childhood memories.

提案: Reduce hesitations and filler words, correct plural/singular forms and word order, and use linking words to structure the response. Keep it within 3–4 sentences and give a clear reason and a brief example of what you do there.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I usually go with friends because it helps me relax, and we often take photos and walk around. The fresh air and open space make it a pleasant break from the city.

提案: Be precise with word choice (use “parks” not “parking”), avoid repeating the same idea, and use linking words like “because” and “for example” to add a specific benefit. Mention one concrete effect or example to support your opinion.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide green space for families and improve air quality. For example, more parks would give people places to walk, exercise, or have picnics on weekends.

提案: Use correct country and place names and avoid hesitations. Give a clear reason and one or two specific examples of parks or landscapes you want to see. Use linking words like “for example” and describe what you expect to experience.

例: In the future, I would like to visit large national parks abroad, especially in Canada or New Zealand. For example, I want to see Banff National Park in Canada to enjoy its dramatic mountain scenery and outdoor activities like hiking and photography.

× Yes, I love it going to park this a child and I often went with my family or friends because my parents preferred I wasn't alone and we would games on grass or have picnics and this visits are some of my happiest childhood activities childhood experiences.

✓ Yes, I loved going to parks as a child and I often went with my family or friends because my parents preferred I wasn't alone and we would play games on the grass or have picnics, and these visits are some of my happiest childhood memories.

Errors: wrong verb tense and form ('love' should be past 'loved' to match 'as a child'); incorrect noun number ('park' should be plural 'parks'); missing infinitive/gerund structure ('it going to park this a child' is ungrammatical); 'would games' needs verb 'play'; missing article 'the grass'; 'this visits' should be 'these visits'; redundant 'childhood experiences' changed to 'childhood memories'. Suggestion: keep past tense for past habits, use plural for general places, include correct verbs and determiners.

× Yeah, I still enjoy going to parkas most of the time I visit, uh, with my friends and, uh, because it helps me relax and we like, uh, we love taking photos there. The fresh air on open space, uh, have, umm, open space.

✓ Yeah, I still enjoy going to parks; most of the time I go with my friends because it helps me relax, and we love taking photos there. The fresh air and open space are very refreshing.

Errors: 'going to parkas' incorrect form and pluralization should be 'parks'; awkward clause 'most of the time I visit' better as 'most of the time I go' (use 'go' for habitual visits); 'The fresh air on open space' wrong preposition and article—use 'open space' or 'the open space' and link with 'and'; verb agreement 'have' wrong, should be 'are' to describe qualities. Suggestion: use correct prepositions and articles, ensure subject-verb agreement, and simplify clauses.

× Yes, I would like to, uh, see more parking in my city because they provide green space for families and, uh, improve air quality. And most of them I often visit, uh, I often visit with my family for walks and picnics and uh, picnics.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide green space for families and improve air quality. I often visit many of them with my family for walks and picnics.

Errors: 'parking' wrong word; should be 'parks' (countable noun) and 'more parks' uses correct quantifier. 'They provide' is fine but sentence was repetitive; 'most of them I often visit, I often visit' redundant. Suggestion: use correct noun and reduce repetition; use quantifiers like 'more' with plural countable nouns and 'many of them' for frequency.

× In the future, I would like to visit a different Parkes, especially large national Parkes abroad, uh, for instance, I hope to see, uh, national parks, uh, Canada or New and New Zealand because I uh, umm, want to enjoy, uh, traumatic landscapers and umm, outdoors.

✓ In the future, I would like to visit different parks, especially large national parks abroad. For instance, I hope to see the national parks in Canada or New Zealand because I want to enjoy dramatic landscapes and the outdoors.

Errors: 'Parkes' misspelling and wrong capitalization; plural should be 'parks'. 'For instance, I hope to see, national parks, Canada or New and New Zealand' wrong preposition and repetition—use 'the national parks in Canada or New Zealand'. 'Traumatic landscapers' is incorrect word choice; correct phrase is 'dramatic landscapes'. Suggestion: use correct spelling, prepositions for countries ('in Canada'), and appropriate vocabulary; maintain future desire with 'would like to' and 'hope to'.