Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organize your answer: start with a clear topic sentence about liking parks as a child, then add one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Avoid repetition and check grammar (e.g. articles, verb forms, collocations like “bring happiness”, “fond memories”, “relieve stress”).

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, my family often had picnics there, which created many fond memories; additionally, playing on the swings made me very happy and helped me feel free.

提案: Answer directly then provide specific sensory details and link them clearly. Correct word choice and grammar: use phrases like “relieve stress”, “lift my mood”, “the pleasant air” and avoid repeating the same idea. Keep to under five sentences.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help relieve stress and lift my mood. For instance, the cool breeze, birdsong and fresh air calm me after a busy day, so I often walk there to feel refreshed.

提案: Make your point clearly and support it with one specific reason or example. Use linking words like “however” and correct grammar (e.g. “for development purposes”, “areas have been removed”, “demolishing parks”). Avoid unfinished sentences.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city; however, many green areas have been lost to new developments. For example, a large park near my neighbourhood was turned into apartments last year, which reduced places for children to play.

提案: Answer directly (I wanted to visit and I recently did), then give specific details and correct vocabulary (e.g. “variety of flowers”, “I was surrounded by nature”). Avoid tense mistakes and unclear phrases like “variety of laws”.

例: I dreamed of visiting the Dubai Miracle Garden, and I recently went there. It was amazing — I was surrounded by thousands of colourful flowers and creative displays, which made it one of the most memorable gardens I have seen.

× Yes, I love going parks even now, not only when I was a child, even now I love going to the park because when I was a child it was giving me something happiness and there was very fond memories for me in the park even now.

✓ Yes, I loved going to parks as a child and I still love going to the park now because when I was a child it gave me a lot of happiness and I have very fond memories of the park.

Errors: incorrect tense consistency and wrong verb forms; missing preposition and article; awkward phrasing. Explanation: 'love' referring to childhood should be past 'loved'; 'going parks' needs preposition/article: 'going to parks' or 'going to the park'; 'it was giving me something happiness' is incorrect—use simple past 'it gave me a lot of happiness'; 'there was very fond memories for me' should be 'I have very fond memories of'. Suggestion: maintain correct tense for past events, use 'to' before places, use articles, and choose natural collocations like 'have fond memories of'.

× But now when I go to park, it gives me a pleasant air which helps me to burst my stress and help me to recover.

✓ But now when I go to the park, it gives me pleasant air which helps me relieve my stress and helps me recover.

Errors: missing article before 'park'; incorrect idiom 'burst my stress' and inconsistent verb forms. Explanation: use 'the park' for a specific place; 'pleasant air' does not need 'a' here but either is acceptable; 'burst my stress' is incorrect—use 'relieve my stress'; coordinate verbs should match 'helps me relieve' and 'helps me recover' or use parallel structure. Suggestion: use common collocations 'relieve stress' and keep parallel verb forms.

× Yes, I love going to parks. Even now parks helps me to burst my stress, it helps me to recreate my mood and the main thing I visit park is to heal myself.

✓ Yes, I love going to parks. Even now, parks help me relieve my stress, they help restore my mood, and the main reason I visit parks is to heal myself.

Errors: subject-verb agreement and incorrect verbs. Explanation: 'parks helps' is incorrect; plural subject 'parks' requires 'help' (or use singular 'a park helps'); 'to recreate my mood' is unnatural—use 'restore my mood'; 'I visit park' needs article 'a park' or plural 'parks'. Suggestion: ensure subject-verb agreement, use natural collocations like 'restore my mood' and include articles.

× The pleasant hair, the sound whispering sound of birds and the cool breeze, it all helps me to gain something more.

✓ The pleasant air, the whispering sound of birds, and the cool breeze all help me feel better.

Errors: wrong word 'hair' instead of 'air', repetition 'sound whispering sound', subject-verb agreement. Explanation: 'hair' is incorrect contextually; correct phrase is 'pleasant air'; avoid redundant words and ensure plural subject '...and ...' takes plural verb 'help'; 'gain something more' is vague—use 'feel better'. Suggestion: check word choice, remove repetition, keep subject-verb agreement, and use clear expressions.

× Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city, but unfortunately due to the development purpose or due to something else of the decision taken by the government, there are many parts which can prove it.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city, but unfortunately, due to development or other decisions made by the government, many parks have been affected.

Errors: awkward phrasing and incorrect tense/word choice. Explanation: 'development purpose' and 'something else of the decision' are unclear; use 'development or other decisions made by the government'; 'there are many parts which can prove it' is ungrammatical—use 'many parks have been affected' or 'many parks have been removed'. Suggestion: use clear noun phrases and correct past participle 'have been affected/removed' to describe completed actions.

× There are many parts which has been already removed.

✓ Many parts have already been removed.

Errors: subject-verb agreement and word order. Explanation: 'parts' (plural) requires 'have' not 'has'; 'already' is better before the past participle or after 'have'—'have already been removed'. Suggestion: match auxiliary verb to plural subject and use correct placement of 'already'.

× So if they are trying to do something development and demolishing the parks and the nature it's.

✓ So if they continue development and demolish parks and natural areas, it will be a problem.

Errors: incomplete clause, awkward gerund use, and unclear subject. Explanation: original sentence is a fragment with 'it's' dangling; use a conditional structure: 'if they continue development and demolish parks... it will be a problem.' Suggestion: complete the conditional, use parallel verbs 'continue... and demolish...', and replace vague terms with 'natural areas'.

× I always dreamt of visiting Miracle Garden in Dubai and recently I had been there and it is such an amazing place where I was completely lost to the flowers and to the nature which I was surrounded.

✓ I always dreamed of visiting Miracle Garden in Dubai and recently I went there; it is an amazing place where I was completely surrounded by flowers and nature.

Errors: tense choice and awkward passive phrasing. Explanation: 'always dreamt' is acceptable but in American English 'dreamed' is common; 'recently I had been there' misuses past perfect—simple past 'I went there' is correct; 'lost to the flowers' is odd—use 'surrounded by flowers and nature'. Suggestion: use simple past for recent completed events and correct preposition 'surrounded by'.

× The main thing I want to visit to that particular park is that the several variety of laws is being used and it is still alive there.

✓ The main reason I wanted to visit that park is that several varieties of flowers are used there and the display is still alive.

Errors: incorrect article usage, noun form errors and subject-verb agreement. Explanation: 'want to visit to that particular park' should be 'wanted to visit that park' or 'want to visit that park'; 'the several variety of laws' is incorrect—likely intended 'several varieties of flowers'; 'is being used' should match plural 'varieties' with 'are used'; final phrase 'it is still alive there' is unclear—clarify as 'the display is still alive' or 'the garden is still flourishing'. Suggestion: correct noun choice ('flowers'), use plural verbs with plural nouns, and simplify phrasing for clarity.