Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be careful with tense and article usage, avoid filler words, and make the sentence more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence in past tense, then add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child with my friends. For example, we often played hide-and-seek near the big oak tree, which made those afternoons very memorable.

提案: Use present simple correctly and reduce fillers. Begin with a direct answer, then give one or two specific supporting details connected by linking words (e.g., because, so, and). Keep sentences grammatical and concise.

例: Yes, I still like going to parks because they are peaceful and relaxing. I often go with my classmates in my free time to walk or sit and chat.

提案: Avoid repetition and use more precise vocabulary (e.g., ‘beneficial for public health’). Provide a concise reason and one specific example of benefit or location. Use linking words to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in Changsha because they are beneficial for public health and provide space for exercise. For instance, additional green areas near residential blocks would encourage more people to walk or jog.

提案: Make the plan clearer and correct collocations (e.g., ‘visit parks in other countries’). Avoid vague adjectives like ‘wet’ unless relevant; be specific about which parks or countries and why. Use one or two linked sentences.

例: Yes, I plan to visit parks in other countries with my colleagues and roommate because many overseas parks have well-preserved nature and peaceful walking trails. For example, I would like to visit Japan’s national parks to enjoy the greenery and fresh air.

× Yes, I like to going to the parks as a child with my friends and we are so happy. Umm.

✓ Yes, I liked going to parks as a child with my friends and we were very happy.

The original mixes present tense with a past-time reference 'as a child'. Use past tense 'liked' and past continuous/verb 'were' for 'we were very happy'. Also remove the infinitive error 'to going' — use either 'to go' or the gerund 'going'; with 'liked' the gerund 'going' is correct. Remove the definite article before 'parks' when speaking generally.

× Yes of course umm, the park is peaceful and many people like it and I often umm going to parks with my classmates now in my free time.

✓ Yes, of course. The park is peaceful and many people like it, and I often go to parks with my classmates in my free time.

The phrase 'I often umm going' is incorrect; after 'often' use the base form 'go' (simple present) for habitual actions. Also add punctuation for clarity and remove extra filler words. 'Now' is unnecessary with 'often' and can be omitted.

× Yes, of course, I would like to see more parks in our city, Changsha, because it's very good for everybody's health and it's very convenient for every people, everyone.

✓ Yes, of course. I would like to see more parks in our city, Changsha, because they are very good for people's health and very convenient for everyone.

'It's' (it is) incorrectly refers to 'parks' (plural), so use 'they are'. 'Everybody's health' is acceptable but 'people's health' is more natural. 'Every people' is incorrect — use 'everyone'. Also simplify punctuation and articles.

× Yes, I have a plan to come to the countries with parks with my workmates and roommate because it's very green and wet and it's good for our health and it's peaceful.

✓ Yes, I plan to visit countries with parks with my coworkers and my roommate because they are very green and wet, and good for our health and peaceful.

Use present tense 'I plan' or 'I have a plan to visit' rather than 'have a plan to come to' which sounds odd. 'Countries' is plural so describe them with 'they are' not 'it's'. 'Workmates' is fine but 'coworkers' is more common; include 'my' before roommate for clarity. Also 'visit' is better than 'come to' when talking about travel to other countries.