Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar (tense and articles), use a clear topic sentence, and keep it concise. Start with a direct statement about past habit, then give one specific reason with linking words. Avoid repetition and incorrect verb forms.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks when I was a child. However, I didn’t have many opportunities because I spent most of my time studying at school and attending extra classes. As a result, I rarely visited parks.

提案: Clarify vocabulary and fix grammar (subject-verb agreement). Use one or two specific effects and a linking word. Keep to under five sentences and avoid vague phrases like 'greenery places'.

例: Yes, I go to parks more often now because they help me relax and improve my mood. For example, seeing trees and flowers calms me, and I enjoy the fresh smell of the grass.

提案: Reduce filler words and improve word choice (use 'build' or 'create' parks). Provide one clear environmental reason and one personal benefit using linking words like 'because' or 'and'.

例: Yes, I would. Building more parks would help reduce air pollution by increasing green areas, and it would give families pleasant places to walk and relax together.

提案: Be specific and correct sentence structure. Name the park if possible (e.g., Central Park), avoid repetition, and explain why you want to visit with one or two supporting details.

例: Yes, I would love to visit Central Park in New York. I’ve heard it’s famous for its scenery and activities, and I’d like to see the lakes and take a long walk there because it seems very relaxing.

× I love to going to parks when I was young, but I don't really have many chances to go to park because I had to study in my middle school and high school and I also have to go to Academy when I finished my Academy.

✓ I loved going to parks when I was young, but I didn't really have many chances to go to the park because I had to study in middle school and high school, and I also had to attend the academy after I finished school.

Multiple issues: 'love to going' is incorrect; after verbs like love we use the gerund or to + base form ('love going' or 'loved to go'). The sentence refers to childhood so past tense 'loved' is appropriate. 'Don't really have' should be past 'didn't really have' to match past timeframe. 'go to park' needs the definite article 'the park'. 'in my middle school and high school' is improved to 'in middle school and high school'. 'have to go to Academy when I finished my Academy' mixes tenses and articles: use 'had to attend the academy after I finished school' for clarity and consistent past tense.

× Yes, I try to go to parks more than before because it relaxes my mindset and also my feeling get better when I see greenery places and I also love the smell of park.

✓ Yes, I try to go to parks more than before because they relax my mind, my mood improves when I see green spaces, and I also love the smell of the park.

Subject-verb agreement and word choice issues: 'it relaxes my mindset' should agree with plural 'parks' so 'they relax my mind' or change subject. 'mindset' is less natural than 'mind' or 'mood'. 'my feeling get better' has subject-verb agreement error; use 'my mood improves' or 'my feelings get better'. 'greenery places' is awkward; use 'green spaces'. 'smell of park' needs the article 'the park'.

× Yes, of course, why not, uh, cause when you uh, install a lot of park in the city, it helps to reduce some emission and also we can enjoy life more because we can uh, walk along the park with our parents.

✓ Yes, of course. When you create many parks in the city, they help reduce emissions, and we can enjoy life more because we can walk through the parks with our parents.

Preposition and count/verb choice errors: 'install a lot of park' is incorrect; use 'create many parks' or 'build a lot of parks'. 'reduce some emission' should be 'reduce emissions' (plural) and no 'some' is needed. 'walk along the park' is odd; use 'walk through the parks' or 'walk in the park'. Also match plural forms: 'they help' for 'parks'.

× Yes, I heard in, in New York City's park is very popular for the travelers and also, uh, New York citizens who want to go to, uh, the park in New York City and I haven't been there, so I love to go there.

✓ Yes, I heard that New York City's parks are very popular with travelers and New York residents, and I haven't been there, so I would love to go.

Sentence structure and verb/phrase errors: 'I heard in, in New York City's park is' is ungrammatical; use 'I heard that New York City's parks are'. Use plural 'parks' if referring generally. 'popular for the travelers' should be 'popular with travelers' or 'among travelers'. 'New York citizens who want to go to the park' is redundant; 'and New York residents' suffices. 'I love to go there' in context of future desire is better as 'I would love to go'.