Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Use correct tense and reduce redundancy. Start with a clear topic sentence in past tense, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Fix grammar (e.g., "I loved" not "I love" for past), and avoid repeating the same idea (friends/refresh).

例: I loved going to parks as a child because they were social places where I could meet new friends. For example, after school I often played football with classmates and relaxed under the trees, which helped me unwind after a busy day.

提案: Be concise and use more natural phrasing. Begin with a direct answer, then give one specific contrast with the past using a linking word (e.g., "however" or "although"). Avoid vague phrases like "a little drink" unless relevant and explain context.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. However, I go more to relax with friends rather than to play games as I did as a child; for instance, we often sit on a bench and have a coffee while chatting.

提案: Give a clear, fluent response with specific reasons and correct grammar. Use linking words to connect reasons (e.g., "because" and "so") and correct verb forms ("relax my eyes" → "relax my eyes" is okay but fix "makes me feel unwind" → "helps me unwind").

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they increase green space and help reduce pollution. For example, more trees would improve air quality and provide pleasant areas to walk, which helps me relax and unwind.

提案: Use formal spoken English: avoid slang like "wanna" and correct grammar. Start with a direct statement of preference, then give a concise, specific reason with linking words. Fix sentence structure and vocabulary (e.g., "they have larger landscapes").

例: Yes, I would like to visit parks in the UK or the US because many of them are larger than those in my country. For instance, I imagine lying on wide lawns in a big park like Hyde Park and relaxing with friends on a sunny afternoon.

× I love to go to the park as a child 'cause I can make a lot of friends there and to refresh myself after having the school all day.

✓ I loved going to the park as a child because I could make a lot of friends there and refresh myself after being at school all day.

The speaker refers to childhood (past), so present tense 'love' and 'can' are incorrect. Use past tense 'loved' and 'could'. Also change 'to go'/'to refresh' to gerund 'going'/'refresh' for parallel structure and 'having the school all day' is unnatural; 'being at school all day' is correct.

× And it's just really interesting for me to meet new people, to maybe hang out with friends.

✓ It was also really interesting for me to meet new people and sometimes hang out with friends.

Because the context is past, 'it's' should be 'it was'. Using 'And' to begin the sentence is informal; combining with 'and' gives clearer structure. 'To maybe hang out' is awkward; 'sometimes hang out' is more natural.

× Yes, actually, I still love going to parks now 'cause after being at school all day, I need some time to refresh myself, to just chill with my friends.

✓ Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because after being at school all day I need time to refresh myself and relax with my friends.

'Love' is acceptable but 'enjoy' is more natural. Remove filler 'actually' and 'just' for clarity. 'Chill' is informal; use 'relax'. Ensure parallel verbs 'refresh' and 'relax' without extra 'to'.

× But maybe not the same way as I used to.

✓ But maybe not in the same way as I used to.

Missing preposition 'in' before 'the same way'. The sentence is past reference so 'used to' is correct; add 'in' for grammatical completeness.

× Maybe we'll have a little drink there.

✓ Maybe we'll have a drink there.

'A little drink' is informal and slightly odd; 'a drink' is the correct singular collocation. Sentence otherwise fine.

× I would like to see more parks in my city. Absolutely cause in parks there are a lot of trees and it can reduce a lot of pollution and I love to see greens.

✓ I would like to see more parks in my city because parks have a lot of trees, which can reduce pollution, and I love seeing greenery.

Replace 'Absolutely cause' with 'because' and restructure sentence. 'In parks there are a lot of trees' is awkward; 'parks have a lot of trees' is clearer. 'It can reduce a lot of pollution' uses vague pronoun 'it'; use 'which' to refer to trees reducing pollution. 'I love to see greens' is unidiomatic; use 'seeing greenery'.

× It just relax my eyes and makes me feel unwind.

✓ It just relaxes my eyes and makes me feel unwound.

Subject-verb agreement: 'It' requires 'relaxes' (third person singular). 'Feel unwind' is incorrect; use adjective 'unwound' or phrase 'help me unwind'.

× Specifically, I wanna go to the parks in the UK or the US 'cause they have there's a bigger landscape than my country, so apparently lay there's a bigger park where I can just lie down on the grass and chill with my friends.

✓ Specifically, I want to visit parks in the UK or the US because they have bigger landscapes than my country, so there are larger parks where I can lie on the grass and relax with my friends.

Multiple issues: 'wanna' is informal; use 'want to' or 'want to visit'. Remove redundant 'they have there's'. Use plural 'landscapes' and comparative 'bigger than my country'. 'Apparently lay there's' is nonsensical; change to 'so there are larger parks'. Use 'lie on the grass' and 'relax' instead of 'chill' for formality. This correction addresses modal/informal use and sentence structure.