Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Focus on clarity, grammar and concise structure. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct verb forms and pronouns, and give one or two specific details. Avoid repetitions and filler words. Use linking words if adding details.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks when I was a child. They had many attractions that excited me, especially roller coasters, which I found thrilling. Because of those rides, I spent most weekends at the park with my family.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence, correct article usage and grammar, and provide a reason with a linking word. Keep it to one or two supporting sentences without hesitation markers.

例: Not really. Nowadays parks are often very crowded, so I prefer quieter places. For example, I choose small gardens or countryside walks to relax instead.

提案: Answer the question directly and use correct grammar (possessive forms and articles). If you have a conditional or suggestion, state it clearly with linking words. Avoid repeating words and filler sounds.

例: As a child I would have welcomed more parks, but now I am less keen on them because they can become crowded. If the city builds more green spaces, I would prefer smaller, quiet pocket parks rather than large busy ones.

提案: Provide a fuller response: start with a clear statement, then briefly explain your alternative plans or reasons. Use one or two specific examples and avoid hesitations and repetition.

例: No, I don't have any specific parks in mind. I have other plans, such as traveling to nearby mountains or visiting museums, so I haven't considered going to parks in the near future.

× Yeah, I absolutely loved going to the park when I was younger. I they, they had a lot, a lot of attractions that's attract me and especially I write the roller caster.

✓ Yeah, I absolutely loved going to the park when I was younger. They had a lot of attractions that attracted me, and especially I liked the roller coaster.

Errors: incorrect and repeated pronoun 'I they, they'; wrong relative pronoun and verb form 'that's attract me'; wrong verb 'write' instead of 'ride'; misspelled 'roller coaster'. Corrections: use 'They' to refer to parks, use relative pronoun 'that' with past tense 'attracted' to match 'loved' in past, use 'liked' or 'enjoyed' and 'ride' in past ('I liked the roller coaster' or 'I enjoyed riding the roller coaster'). Suggestion: simplify sentences and maintain consistent past tense when describing childhood experiences.

× As adults, I'd say that I don't because. Right now, parks are crowded place, and so I don't like crowded place, you know?

✓ As an adult, I'd say that I don't anymore. Right now, parks are crowded places, and so I don't like crowded places, you know?

Errors: 'As adults' disagrees with speaker 'I' and should be singular 'As an adult'. Sentence fragment 'I don't because.' is incomplete; add 'anymore' for clarity. 'Crowded place' should be plural 'crowded places' when speaking generally. Suggestions: match number and person, avoid sentence fragments, and use plural nouns for general statements.

× As a child's, I'd like to, but right now, umm, as I mentioned, I don't like crowded place. Uh, they, they have to, they have to build, uh, instead of, uh, parks.

✓ As a child, I would have liked them, but right now, as I mentioned, I don't like crowded places. They should build something else instead of parks.

Errors: 'As a child's' incorrectly uses possessive; use 'As a child'. 'I'd like to' is unclear in context - use past 'I would have liked them' to contrast childhood preference. 'Crowded place' should be plural 'crowded places'. Repetition 'they, they have to, they have to' is redundant; change to 'They should build'. Word order 'build ... instead of parks' clarified to 'build something else instead of parks.' Suggestions: avoid possessive when indicating time period, use appropriate tense to contrast past and present, and remove repetitions.

× Are there any parks you want to go to in the future? Student: No, I don't. And I have other, other plans to, to do, but, uh, I, I never think about that.

✓ No, I don't. I have other plans to do, and I never think about going to parks in the future.

Errors: 'I don't' is vague but acceptable; repetition 'other, other' and 'to, to' and 'I, I' are disfluencies to be removed. Original 'I never think about that' is ambiguous; clarify 'going to parks in the future'. Suggestions: remove filler repetitions, state the object of 'think about' clearly, and keep simple present for habitual thoughts ('I never think about').