Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and clear. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid contradictions and unclear phrases (e.g., "no one could check me" and "As a result, I really went to the park").

例: Yes — I loved going to parks as a child. For example, my friends and I played on the swings and had picnics every weekend, which helped me stay active and make friends.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and explain the difference with a specific example. Use linking words (e.g., "nowadays", "because") and correct grammar ("I like to go", "other people"). Keep it to two or three sentences.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, but for different reasons nowadays. Nowadays I go mainly to exercise, such as jogging or doing yoga, and to meet friends because it is a pleasant outdoor space.

提案: Answer directly and support with a specific reason and example. Use linking words like "because" and correct singular/plural forms. Keep sentences shorter and more natural.

例: Yes, I would. I think cities need more parks because green spaces improve air quality and give people places to relax; for example, a small park near my apartment would be perfect for evening walks.

提案: Be specific and give one or two concrete examples of parks you would like to visit. Start with a clear topic sentence and use linking words (e.g., "however", "for example"). Avoid repetition and correct phrasing ("no specific park" not "no special one park").

例: I don't have a single specific park in mind, but I would like to visit a large urban park with a lake and walking trails. For example, I would enjoy a park that also has a playground for children and an outdoor pool for exercise.

× Yes, I loved going to parks when I was a child, but my mother was always busy with work so no one could check me. As a result, I really went to the park.

✓ Yes, I loved going to parks when I was a child, but my mother was always busy with work so no one could look after me. As a result, I rarely went to the park.

The original contains two issues: 'check me' is incorrect collocation for 'look after me' (incorrect use of verbs/phrasing; maps to past tense/context) and 'really went to the park' conflicts with intended meaning. The speaker likely meant they seldom went, so use 'rarely went' in past simple. Use past simple consistently for childhood habits (loved, was, could, went). Suggestion: replace 'check me' with 'look after me' and 'really' with 'rarely'.

× Yes of course, but nowadays and before is with different purpose. Now I'll like go to the park with exercise and do something and talk with others peoples.

✓ Yes, of course, but nowadays and before had different purposes. Now I like to go to the park to exercise, do activities, and talk with other people.

Multiple tense and form errors: 'nowadays and before is' is ungrammatical; use plural subject 'nowadays and before' requires 'had' or better rephrase 'nowadays and before had different purposes' (past vs present contrast). 'I'll like go' mixes future and base verb; use present 'I like to go' for current habits. 'with exercise' should be 'to exercise' (infinitive purpose). 'do something' is vague; 'do activities' is clearer. 'others peoples' is incorrect plural + plural noun; use 'other people'. Suggestion: keep present simple for current habits and use 'to' infinitive for purpose verbs.

× Yes, of course, because now the big cities are very rare to see the park and trees, so if they have more park in our city and people have more place to go, relax.

✓ Yes, of course, because in big cities it is rare to see parks and trees, so if we had more parks in our city, people would have more places to go to relax.

Quantifier and article errors: 'very rare to see the park and trees' should be 'it is rare to see parks and trees' (use plural 'parks' and impersonal 'it is rare'). 'If they have more park' is wrong subject and number; use 'if we had more parks' (conditional). 'people have more place' should be 'people would have more places' (countable plural) and include particle 'to' in 'go to relax'. Suggestion: use plural nouns for general statements, correct conditional structure: second conditional for hypothetical present 'if we had... people would...'.

× Oh I have no special one park 1/2 visit in the future, but I think there are many different kind of park around around my life, like for exercise or for kids or some with the swimming pools.

✓ Oh, I don't have any particular park to visit in the future, but I think there are many different kinds of parks around my area, such as ones for exercise, ones for children, or some with swimming pools.

Several article and noun-number errors: 'no special one park 1/2 visit' is ungrammatical; use 'I don't have any particular park to visit'. 'many different kind of park' should be 'many different kinds of parks' (plural 'kinds' and 'parks'). 'around around my life' is wrong preposition and repetition; use 'around my area' or 'in my area'. 'for kids' is informal; 'for children' or 'for kids' acceptable, but maintain parallel structure: 'ones for exercise, ones for children, or some with swimming pools'. Suggestion: use plural forms for general categories and correct article/quantifier usage.