Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 発音と文法の誤りを直し、表現をより自然にすることが必要です。具体的には “bang off my energy” は不自然なので “burn off my energy” を使い、冗長な繰り返し（“I loved”が続く）を避けて、接続詞で文をつなげて論理的にします。また、文の長さを最大5文以内に収め、語彙を少し多様にしましょう。

例: Yes. I loved going to parks when I was in elementary school because we often played tag after school, which helped me burn off my excess energy.

提案: 文法（主語と動詞の一致）と冗長表現を直してください。例えば “I still likes” は “I still like” にし、“the parks which the park which is called” のような重複を避けます。また、“I enjoy seeing” は目的語が抜けており不完全なので具体的に何を楽しんでいるかを述べましょう。接続詞で理由を明確にすると良いです。

例: Yes, I still like going to parks, especially Yoyogi Park near my house, because I sometimes do cardio there and enjoy the fresh air and the peaceful atmosphere.

提案: 語彙の誤用（“perks”→“parks”）、文法（主語と動詞の一致）と不自然な表現を直してください。意見を述べる際はまず簡潔な主文を置き、その後に理由を述べるための接続詞（because, so, therefore など）を使って論理を整えましょう。最後の“enjoy more after”は曖昧なので具体的に何を楽しみたいか示してください。

例: Absolutely. The parks I often visit are usually crowded, and I prefer quieter, more spacious parks, so I would welcome new peaceful parks where I can relax and exercise.

提案: 表現を自然にし、文法を整えましょう。“in near future”は“in the near future”が正しく、“The park is fascinated by”は受動態の誤用で不自然です。代わりに具体的な魅力（広い芝生、景色、多様な植物など）を述べ、接続詞で説明をつなげてください。

例: Yes. I would like to visit Central Park in New York in the near future because I've seen it in films and it looks beautiful with its wide lawns, scenic paths and a variety of attractive flowers.

× I loved that because it made me bang off my energy and.

✓ I loved that because it helped me burn off my energy.

The original sentence uses 'made me bang off my energy', which is ungrammatical and likely a mistaken verb choice. Use 'helped me burn off my energy' or 'allowed me to burn off my energy'. 'Burn off' is a correct phrasal verb for expending energy; after 'helped' use the base verb 'burn' (helped me burn off) or use 'made me' + base verb (made me burn off). Also remove the trailing conjunction 'and' or complete the clause.

× Yes, I still likes going to parks, especially the parks which the park which is called Yoyogi Park near my house.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks, especially the park called Yoyogi Park near my house.

The verb should be 'like' not 'likes' because the subject 'I' takes the base form. The phrase 'the parks which the park which is called' is redundant and ungrammatical; use 'the park called Yoyogi Park' or 'Yoyogi Park'. Keep subject-verb agreement and avoid repeating noun phrases.

× I sometimes do cardio exercise there because the air is fresh and I enjoy seeing.

✓ I sometimes do cardio exercise there because the air is fresh and I enjoy the scenery.

The clause 'I enjoy seeing' is incomplete and uses 'seeing' without an object. Native phrasing is 'I enjoy the scenery' or 'I enjoy seeing the trees and people'. Use a noun phrase or a complete verb phrase after 'enjoy'.

× Absolutely, the perks I often go is usually crowded and I personally prefer to peaceful parks.

✓ Absolutely, the parks I often go to are usually crowded, and I personally prefer peaceful parks.

Several errors: 'perks' is a typo for 'parks'. 'The parks I often go to' requires the preposition 'to'. Use plural verb 'are' to match 'parks'. Remove 'to' before 'peaceful parks'. Use commas to separate clauses. Maintain correct adjective use: 'prefer peaceful parks' not 'prefer to peaceful parks'.

× So if there were spacious and peaceful parks with fewer people, I can enjoy more after.

✓ So if there were spacious and peaceful parks with fewer people, I could enjoy them more.

In conditional sentences about hypothetical present situations, use 'could' rather than 'can'. Also supply the object 'them' or rephrase 'enjoy more' to 'enjoy them more' to clarify what is enjoyed.

× Yes, one park that I would like to visit in near future is Central Park in New York.

✓ Yes, one park that I would like to visit in the near future is Central Park in New York.

Missing article 'the' before 'near future'. Use the fixed expression 'in the near future'. Tense and modal 'would like to visit' is appropriate for future desire.

× I've seen it in a film. The park is fascinated by a variety of attractive flowers and.

✓ I've seen it in a film. The park is famous for a variety of attractive flowers.

'The park is fascinated by...' is incorrect because 'fascinated' is an adjective describing feelings, and parks cannot be fascinated; use 'famous for' or 'known for'. The original also ends with an incomplete 'and'. Replace with a complete clause such as 'known for a variety of attractive flowers'.