Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh, umm), remove repetition, and add one specific detail to make the answer vivid. Keep to 2–3 sentences. Use a linking word if you add detail.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. They were my favorite place to meet friends and play games like hide-and-seek, especially on warm weekends when families picnicked under the trees.

提案: Improve grammar and fluency: remove hesitations and correct article/word choice (‘‘a parks’’ → ‘‘parks’’ or ‘‘a park’’). Use one linking phrase to explain why and give a specific example of what you do there. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks whenever I can because they help me relax after a long day at work. For example, I often take a short walk or sit by a pond to clear my head and read for 20 minutes.

提案: Be direct and specific: begin with a clear opinion, avoid hesitations and vague phrasing, and explain one or two concrete benefits of more parks (e.g., exercise space, cleaner air). Use linking words (because/for example) and fix grammar.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide space for exercise and help reduce stress. For instance, more parks would encourage people to walk or cycle and improve air quality in busy neighborhoods.

提案: Clarify and complete the idea: use correct tense (want/would like), avoid trailing off, and mention a specific reason or activity you would do there. Keep it to 2–3 polished sentences and remove filler words.

例: Yes, I would like to visit the National Zoo in Canberra because it has large park areas and many animal exhibits. I plan to spend a day walking through the enclosures and taking photographs to relax and enjoy nature.

× I did enjoy uh, visiting parks during my childhood days.

✓ I enjoyed visiting parks during my childhood.

The original uses 'did enjoy' which is unnecessary for simple past; use simple past 'enjoyed'. Also 'childhood days' is redundant—use 'childhood'. Keep tense consistent: past simple for past habits. Grammar problem type ID:6

× It uh, usually, it was usually a fun and a place for umm, for me to meet with the other children playing there.

✓ It was usually a fun place for me to meet and play with other children there.

The sentence has repetition ('usually' twice) and awkward structure ('a fun and a place'). Remove redundancy and reorder phrases: 'a fun place' + 'to meet and play with other children'. This fixes sentence structure and word order. Grammar problem type ID:26

× I do visit a parks, uh, even today because that is the place where I get uh, to refresh my mind after a heavy work.

✓ I still visit parks even today because they are places where I can refresh my mind after heavy work.

Errors: 'a parks' mixes singular article with plural noun—use plural 'parks' without 'a'. 'that is the place' should agree in number with 'parks' so use 'they are places'. 'get to refresh my mind' is awkward; use 'can refresh my mind'. 'after a heavy work'—'work' is uncountable, do not use 'a'; use 'heavy work' or 'a long day of work'. Grammar problem type ID:22

× Given so many umm, advantages of having a park, I would definitely uh, suggest or recommend parks for my city because this is the place, uh, where people uh, with different, uh, uh, level of mental stress.

✓ Given the many advantages of having parks, I would definitely recommend more parks in my city because they are places where people with different levels of mental stress can relax.

Problems: 'so many advantages' better as 'the many advantages'; 'suggest or recommend parks for my city' is awkward—'recommend more parks in my city'. Pronoun and number agreement: 'this is the place' should match plural 'parks' so use 'they are places'. 'different ... level' needs plural 'levels'. Also add a verb 'can relax' to complete clause. Grammar problem type ID:12

× Yes, definitely I wanted to visit the National zoo in Canberra where not only the parks, you can even see different types of animals and uh, completely forget about uh, the stress and the.

✓ Yes, I definitely want to visit the National Zoo in Canberra in the future, where not only are there parks, but you can also see different types of animals and completely forget about stress.

The student mixed past tense 'wanted' with a future context (future visit). Use present tense 'want' or 'would like' for future intention. Sentence structure was fragmented; add 'in the future' and rephrase 'not only the parks' to 'not only are there parks, but you can also...'. Remove trailing 'the' and unnecessary filler words. Capitalize 'Zoo' as part of proper noun. Grammar problem type ID:5