Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện: Giảm tiếng “umm” và sửa ngữ pháp, ngắt câu hợp lý để tự nhiên hơn; bắt đầu bằng một câu chủ đề rõ ràng, rồi thêm chi tiết cụ thể. Ví dụ: nêu tần suất (every weekend), hoạt động cụ thể (play, feed ducks) và cảm xúc ngắn gọn. Hạn chế lặp từ (go to/there).

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. My parents took my sister and me there almost every weekend after school, and we often played on the swings and fed ducks in the pond. The park was one of the few places for entertainment in our town, so we always looked forward to those outings.

提案: Cải thiện: Tránh tiếng thừa và sửa lỗi ngữ pháp; đưa câu chủ đề trực tiếp (No, I don’t go often now) rồi giải thích bằng một lý do rõ ràng và ngắn gọn; thêm một liên kết chuyển tiếp nếu cần. Giữ trả lời trong 2-3 câu tối đa.

例: Not really — I don’t visit parks much now. Instead, I usually spend my weekends shopping for groceries at the supermarket because I need to buy food for my family, so that takes up most of my free time.

提案: Cải thiện: Câu trả lời có cấu trúc tốt và lý do rõ ràng; có thể nâng cấp bằng cách dùng từ vựng phong phú hơn, sửa ngữ pháp số nhiều/số ít (a small park / commercial services) và thêm một giải pháp ngắn gọn. Dùng liên từ như “because”/“so” hợp lý.

例: Yes, I think our city needs more small parks. Commercial facilities like supermarkets near parks often make them crowded and noisy, so people go there to shop rather than relax. Creating dedicated quiet green spaces away from busy shops would help preserve their purpose.

提案: Cải thiện: Câu trả lời tự nhiên và rõ ràng; đề xuất dùng câu chủ đề mạnh hơn (Yes, I’d like to visit...) và thêm chi tiết cụ thể về điều muốn trải nghiệm (những trò chơi cụ thể, cảm xúc). Tránh bắt đầu bằng “Maybe” nếu bạn chắc chắn.

例: Yes, I’d love to visit the inland Disneyland park in the future. I’ve seen many videos and photos online and on TV, and I’m excited to try the famous rides like Space Mountain and to soak up the lively atmosphere of the park.

× Actually, when I was a child, my parents usually took me and my sister to the park every weekend and after umm, finishing school, umm, the park is also in the only form of amusement in my city, so we like to go to there so much.

✓ Actually, when I was a child, my parents usually took my sister and me to the park every weekend, and after finishing school, the park was the only form of amusement in my city, so we liked to go there very much.

The sentence has several issues: incorrect pronoun order ('me and my sister' -> 'my sister and me'), wrong preposition/phrase 'go to there' -> 'go there', and awkward phrasing 'in the only form of amusement' -> 'was the only form of amusement'. Also tense consistency: describing past habits should use past tense ('liked'). Suggestion: put the other person's name first in object pronoun phrases, remove unnecessary prepositions before 'there', use 'was the only form of amusement', and keep past tense for past habits. Grammar problem type ID:11

× Die MMM Actually I I don't go to the park uh, much now because I usually visit the supermarket at the weekend, so I go shopping to buy groceries for my family, so I spend my free time there instead of going to the park.

✓ Actually, I don't go to the park much now because I usually visit the supermarket at the weekend to buy groceries for my family, so I spend my free time there instead of going to the park.

Redundant filler sounds removed and sentence streamlined. The sequence uses present simple for current habits, which is appropriate. Combine clauses to avoid repetition ('so I go shopping to buy groceries' -> 'to buy groceries'). Suggestion: use concise phrasing and keep present simple for habitual actions. Grammar problem type ID:6

× I would say we need small park in the city because when commercial service like supermarket are attached to the park, those places tend to become crowded and noisy.

✓ I would say we need small parks in the city because when commercial services like supermarkets are attached to a park, those places tend to become crowded and noisy.

Number agreement errors: 'small park' should be plural 'small parks' when speaking generally; 'commercial service' should be plural 'commercial services' and 'supermarket' should be 'supermarkets' to agree. Also article use: 'attached to the park' -> 'attached to a park' when speaking generally. Suggestion: ensure nouns match singular/plural when making general statements and use 'a' for a generic single instance. Grammar problem type ID:1

× Maybe the inland Disneyland park? I'm really interested in going there because I have seen many videos and photos of the park on the Internet and on the TV. I hope that I will get a chance to visit one day to try the rides and enjoy the atmosphere.

✓ Maybe the inland Disneyland park. I'm really interested in going there because I have seen many videos and photos of the park on the Internet and on TV. I hope I will get a chance to visit one day to try the rides and enjoy the atmosphere.

Minor issues: 'on the TV' is better as 'on TV' and 'I hope that I will' can be shortened to 'I hope I will' for naturalness. Present perfect 'have seen' is correct for past experiences relevant now. Future 'I will get' is fine. Suggestion: remove unnecessary 'that' and 'the' before TV for idiomatic English. Grammar problem type ID:6