Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện rõ ràng và mạch lạc khi trả lời: Tránh tiếng “umm/uh” lặp lại, trả lời trực tiếp bằng câu chủ đề, giải thích cụ thể nguyên nhân và sử dụng từ vựng phù hợp. Ví dụ: nêu rõ lý do (không có công viên gần nhà, gia đình bận, hoặc không có tiền đi chơi), dùng 2–3 câu tối đa và dùng từ đúng (countryside, facilities, family). Sử dụng liên từ như “because” hoặc “so” để nối ý.

例: No, I didn't often go to parks as a child because I grew up in the countryside where there were few public facilities. My family were busy and we rarely had time or money to visit distant parks.

提案: Làm rõ mục đích và tránh liệt kê lộn xộn: Bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề ngắn, sau đó giải thích 1–2 lý do cụ thể và dùng liên từ để liên kết (for example, and, so). Tránh lỗi ngữ pháp như “the I” và dùng động từ/ danh từ chính xác (e.g., make new friends, try local food). Giữ 2–3 câu.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me stay active and meet new people. For example, I often walk or jog there to improve my health, and I sometimes try local food sold at park stalls.

提案: Trả lời rõ ràng với lý do cụ thể và ngữ pháp chính xác: Tránh những câu không rõ nghĩa. Bắt đầu: “Yes, I would” rồi giải thích vì sao cần thêm công viên (tăng không gian xanh, giải trí, sức khỏe). Dùng từ vựng đúng (facilities, comfortable, convenient) và nối ý bằng “because” hoặc “so”. Giữ 2–3 câu.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they provide green spaces and recreational facilities for residents. More parks would make the city more comfortable and encourage people to exercise and relax.

提案: Trả lời cụ thể với tên công viên và lý do tại sao bạn muốn đến: Tránh dùng “any” chung chung nếu bạn có lựa chọn cụ thể. Nêu một công viên rõ ràng, mô tả ngắn lý do (attractions, activities) và dùng câu ngắn, mạch lạc. Kiểm tra phát âm tên nếu cần và dùng từ đúng (amusement, entertainment).

例: Yes, I would like to visit Vinh Park in the future because it has many attractions and amusement rides. It looks entertaining and a great place to relax with friends.

× Oh no, I didn't, umm, because umm, I live in, uh, in countryside and umm, my uh, family's conditional don't have conditions for me.

✓ Oh no, I didn't, because I lived in the countryside and my family didn't have the means for me.

The student mixes past and present tenses incorrectly. The question asks about childhood, so past simple should be used: 'lived' and 'didn't have'. 'In countryside' is missing the article 'the'. 'Family's conditional' is incorrect word choice; 'didn't have the means' is a clearer past-tense expression. Suggestion: Use past simple consistently for past events and include articles when referring to 'the countryside'.

× Of course, because the I want to improve my health and make a lot of fun friends for my future and, uh, enjoy unique food.

✓ Of course, because I want to improve my health, make many good friends for my future, and enjoy unique food.

The student uses present tense correctly for current preferences but has extra definite article 'the' before 'I' and awkward phrasing 'a lot of fun friends'. Remove 'the' and use 'many' or 'a lot of' with 'friends' and an adjective like 'good' or 'fun'. Keep verbs parallel: 'improve', 'make', 'enjoy'. Suggestion: Maintain parallel structure and correct article usage.

× Yes, I want because in the car, in the city. There have very very very facility from people is very comfortable and convenient for people.

✓ Yes, I do, because in the city there are many facilities that make life comfortable and convenient for people.

The original has sentence fragments and incorrect word order. Use 'Yes, I do' to answer 'Would you like' and follow with a full clause. 'There have' is wrong; use 'there are'. 'Facility from people' is incorrect; use 'facilities that make life comfortable and convenient'. Suggestion: Use complete sentences, correct 'there is/are' structure, and proper noun/verb order.

× Of course I want to visit any park in my in my future, such as Valiant car park there are. Hairs very entertainment for me all.

✓ Of course I want to visit parks in the future, such as Valiant Park; they would be very entertaining for me.

'Want to visit any park in my future' is awkward; use 'visit parks in the future'. 'Valiant car park there are' is ungrammatical—name the park clearly: 'Valiant Park'. 'Hairs very entertainment for me all' is unintelligible; corrected to 'they would be very entertaining for me' using modal 'would' to indicate a future desire or hypothetical. Suggestion: Use clear noun phrases for place names, pluralize when appropriate, and use modals like 'would' to express future enjoyment.