Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Give a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetitions and grammatical mistakes. Use linking words (for example, 'because' or 'for example') correctly. Keep it within 2–4 concise sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they were full of fun activities. For example, I enjoyed playing on the swings and having picnics with my family, which made weekends special.

提案: Answer directly and clearly, then give specific reasons or examples. Remove filler words and repeated phrases. Use linking words such as 'but', 'because', or 'for example' to connect ideas. Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: Not as much as before, but I still go to parks regularly for exercise. For example, I usually take morning walks there and sometimes meet friends for small snack gatherings.

提案: Give a direct response and then support it with clear, specific reasons. Avoid word repetition and awkward phrases. Use cohesive phrases like 'because', 'so', or 'therefore' and provide a brief example or consequence.

例: Definitely. Parks provide quiet green spaces where people can relax and refresh their minds after a busy day. For instance, nearby parks could offer areas for reading, exercise, and family outings.

提案: Be specific about which park or type of park you want to visit and why. Use clear vocabulary to describe features (for example, 'large exercise areas', 'playgrounds', 'walking trails') and connect ideas with linking words. Keep to 2–3 coherent sentences.

例: Yes, I would like to visit a large urban park with extensive exercise areas and walking trails. I am especially interested in parks that offer different activities like bike paths and outdoor fitness equipment because I enjoy varied workouts outdoors.

× As it is, an is an enjoyable use for every child and children because like there is, there is so much of fun and activities from there.

✓ Parks were an enjoyable place for every child because there was so much fun and many activities there.

The original sentence misuses articles ('an is an') and has awkward phrasing. Replace 'an is an enjoyable use' with 'Parks were an enjoyable place' to use the correct noun and article. Use plural 'many activities' and simple past 'were/was' to match the past context of childhood.

× Not too much, but at at some extent I like to to go there for my exercise and morning deals and for some parties like some snacks party and all.

✓ Not too much, but to some extent I like to go there for exercise in the morning and for small gatherings with snacks.

Errors include repeated words and incorrect verb forms. Remove duplicates ('at at', 'to to'), use 'to some extent' not 'at at some extent'. Use 'I like to go' (correct infinitive) and 'for exercise in the morning' for natural phrasing. 'Small gatherings with snacks' replaces 'snacks party and all' for clarity.

× Definitely because it is a place where where everybody can relax and get their mind refreshed from their hustle and muscle, muscle and bustle. The schedule of the daily mix.

✓ Definitely, because it is a place where everybody can relax and refresh their minds from the hustle and bustle of daily life.

Pronoun and noun phrases are incorrect and repetitive ('where where', 'mind refreshed from their hustle and muscle, muscle and bustle'). Use 'refresh their minds' (correct reflexive/object agreement) and the fixed idiom 'hustle and bustle of daily life'. Remove the fragment 'The schedule of the daily mix' and incorporate meaning into one coherent sentence.

× I I like to visit far head adjustment for gazelle is like exercise areas of each tolerance, different types of activities and. Some and somehow some campaigns will have to be. Can I like to enjoy that?

✓ I would like to visit a distant park that has varied exercise areas and different types of activities. Some events or campaigns might also be held there, which I would enjoy.

This passage has multiple structural problems, repetitions ('I I'), unclear phrases ('far head adjustment', 'gazelle is like'), and sentence fragments. Recast into clear sentences: 'I would like to visit a distant park' (conditional/future desire), 'varied exercise areas and different types of activities' (parallel structure), and 'Some events or campaigns might also be held there, which I would enjoy' to express potential future activities. Use modal 'would' to express desire politely and improve coherence.