Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and incomplete phrases. Use linking words (for example, 'because' or 'so') correctly and keep it to no more than 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I usually went with my family or friends because my parents preferred I wasn't alone, and we would play games on the grass or have picnics. Those visits are some of my happiest childhood memories.

提案: Remove fillers (uh, um) and combine ideas into a smooth response. Begin with a direct answer, then give two specific reasons or a short example linked with connectors like 'because' or 'so'. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I often visit with friends after university because it helps me relax and we like taking photos there. The fresh air and open space make it a pleasant way to unwind.

提案: Give a clear opinion and support it with specific reasons or examples. Avoid vague or incorrect names and reduce fillers. If mentioning parks by name, make sure names are accurate or describe their features instead. Use linking words like 'because' and 'for example'.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they provide green space for families and improve air quality. For example, I often visit a nearby park with my family for walks and picnics, and more parks would mean shorter travel and more time outdoors.

提案: Be specific about future plans and use correct grammar. Start with a clear statement of intention, then name one or two types of parks or places you'd like to visit and why. Avoid repetition and unclear phrases like 'foreign country for foreign countries parks'.

例: In the future I would like to visit many different parks, especially large national parks abroad. For instance, I hope to see national parks in countries like Canada or New Zealand because I want to enjoy dramatic landscapes and outdoor activities such as hiking and wildlife watching.

× It's of course, when I was a child I preferred to visit to park with my friends or my family because I couldn't go to park alone, alone because at the time I was.

✓ Of course. When I was a child, I preferred to visit parks with my friends or my family because I couldn't go to the park alone at that time.

The sentence has incorrect and inconsistent preposition use: 'visit to park' should be 'visit parks' or 'visit the park'; 'go to park' should be 'go to the park'. Also pluralization of 'park' should match context ('parks' when speaking generally). Punctuation and word order were improved for clarity. Suggestion: remove extra 'to' after 'visit', use 'the park' when referring to a specific park, and use plural 'parks' for general activities.

× Oh, absolutely, yes, of course. Because, uh, if I, uh, go to park, I feel really nice myself. And most of the time after the university I visit to park, uh, with my friends and uh, we take uh, some photos ourselves.

✓ Oh, absolutely. Yes, of course. If I go to the park, I feel really good. Most of the time after university I visit the park with my friends and we take some photos of ourselves.

Problems include incorrect noun phrase and adjective choice: 'go to park' -> 'go to the park'; 'feel really nice myself' -> 'feel really good' (adverb/adjective misuse and reflexive unnecessary); 'visit to park' -> 'visit the park'; 'after the university' -> 'after university'. The original used unnecessary fillers; corrections fix article use and adjective/adverb selection. Suggestion: use 'the park' for specific places, 'feel good' for personal feeling, and avoid redundant reflexive pronouns.

× Yes uh, I wanna, uh, see more parks in my city and uh, in my city has a lot of parks such as locomotive and horror and uh, I sometimes I go to the this park with my family.

✓ Yes, I want to see more parks in my city. My city has a lot of parks such as Locomotive and Horror, and sometimes I go to this park with my family.

Issues: 'wanna' is informal; 'in my city has a lot of parks' is incorrect word order and missing subject; 'the this park' has redundant articles. Also proper nouns should be capitalized. Suggestion: use 'I want to' in formal speech, ensure subject precedes verb ('My city has...'), and use only one article before a noun ('this park').

× In the future I would like to go a lot of parks and in the future I really want to foreign country for foreign countries parks Parkes I.

✓ In the future, I would like to visit many parks, and I would really like to go to parks in foreign countries.

Errors include incorrect verb patterns and prepositions: 'go a lot of parks' should be 'visit many parks' (direct object requires verb 'visit' or 'go to'); 'want to foreign country' should be 'want to go to foreign countries'; repeated phrases and word order were corrected. Suggestion: use 'would like to visit' for polite future desire, use 'many' for countable plural, and 'go to' before place names or 'parks in foreign countries'.