Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Reduce hesitations ("umm") and avoid repeating words. Use linking words like "for example" or "and" to connect ideas.

例: Yes — I loved going to parks as a child. For example, during school holidays I often went with friends to play football and we would sometimes play guitar and sing together, which made those visits very memorable.

提案: Avoid repetition and hesitations; use one clear supporting detail and a linking word. Mention frequency and purpose with specific verbs and a short reason to make it more natural.

例: Yes, I still enjoy visiting parks. I often go to Ranibari Park to jog and relax after studying because the fresh air helps me concentrate better.

提案: Be concise and avoid repetitions. Start with a clear opinion, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words like "because" or "so". Use correct plural forms and short clauses.

例: Yes, I would. Because the city is overcrowded, more parks would give people and children places to relax and exercise after work or school.

提案: Give a direct answer, then provide one clear reason. Avoid uncertain phrases like "I guess" and reduce wordiness. Use linking words such as "however" or "but" for contrast and be specific about what attracts you.

例: I haven't planned many park visits, but I would like to visit Godawari Park in the future because it is more natural and peaceful, offering good trails and scenery for relaxation.

× Yes, I've always enjoyed going to parks as I remember during my early days, umm, I used to go to park during my vacations or holidays with my friends, playing random sports and jamming, jamming up in guitar with my friends, singing.

✓ Yes, I've always enjoyed going to parks; I remember that during my early days I used to go to parks during my vacations or holidays with my friends, playing various sports and jamming on the guitar with my friends, singing.

Errors involve incorrect or missing use of the -ing form and awkward verb phrases. 'Going to park' needs the plural or article: 'going to parks' or 'going to the park'. 'Jamming up in guitar' is incorrect; the correct structure is 'jamming on the guitar'. Also 'playing random sports' is grammatically acceptable but 'various sports' is clearer. Suggestion: use 'jamming on the guitar' and keep gerunds consistent (playing, jamming).

× Yes, I do enjoy going to the park. I often visit a nearby park called Ranibari Park where I often visit for umm jogging or for refreshment from my studies.

✓ Yes, I do enjoy going to the park. I often visit a nearby park called Ranibari Park where I often go for jogging or to get a refreshment from my studies.

Repetition of 'visit' is awkward; use 'go' for activities. 'For umm jogging' should be 'for jogging' (no article). 'For refreshment from my studies' is better as 'to get a refreshment from my studies' or 'to refresh myself from my studies'. Suggestion: vary verbs and use 'for jogging' and 'to get a refreshment' to sound natural.

× I would definitely love to have more parks around around the cities as it is overly populated and crowded.

✓ I would definitely love to have more parks around the cities as they are overpopulated and crowded.

Subject-number mismatch: 'the cities' is plural so the pronoun and verb should be plural 'they are'. Also 'overly populated' is awkward; 'overpopulated' is the correct adjective. Suggestion: match plural subjects with plural verbs and use 'overpopulated'.

× A lot of people and children's here cannot find a proper place to hang out or to be refreshed from after after working or finishing up the schools and it would be a great initiative.

✓ A lot of people and children here cannot find a proper place to hang out or to relax after working or finishing school, and it would be a great initiative.

Several errors: 'children's' is wrong possessive; should be plural 'children'. 'Be refreshed from after after working' is redundant and ungrammatical. 'Finishing up the schools' should be 'finishing school'. Use 'relax' instead of awkward 'be refreshed'. Suggestion: remove redundant words, use correct plural noun, and choose natural verbs like 'relax'.

× Actually, I've never thought of going to any parks or I never had any of them in my mind, but lately there's a place called Godawari Park which is located in the southeast of SE Lilliput I guess, and I would definitely love to visit that place as it's more nature.

✓ Actually, I had never thought of going to any parks and I never had any in mind, but recently there's a place called Godawari Park, which is located in the southeast of SE Lilliput, I guess, and I would definitely love to visit that place as it's more natural.

Tense inconsistency: 'I've never thought' with 'or I never had' is awkward; choose consistent past perfect 'I had never thought' or present perfect 'I have never thought'. 'Lately' suits present perfect, but 'recently' fits better with 'there's'. 'It's more nature' is incorrect; use adjective 'more natural' or 'more natural scenery'. Suggestion: keep tenses consistent and use correct adjective 'natural'.