Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and use correct tense and word choice. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid awkward phrases like “qualitative times” and incorrect tense (“do prefer”). Add one short supporting detail and keep it within 1–3 sentences. Use linking words if adding more than one detail.

例: Yes, I did. I enjoyed going to parks with my friends and family because we could play games and relax outdoors. For example, we often had picnics and played football on weekend afternoons.

提案: Reduce fillers (uh) and combine ideas clearly. Use correct verb forms (“I go jogging” or “I jog”). Start with a topic sentence, then add 1–2 specific reasons using linking words such as “because” or “also.”

例: Yes, I still like going to parks. I often go jogging there because it helps me clear my mind and stay fit, and I also enjoy sitting on a bench to think or read.

提案: Use natural phrasing and correct grammar. Begin with a direct opinion sentence, then give a specific reason. Avoid vague words like “considerably helpful” and incorrect pluralization. Keep sentences concise and coherent with linking words such as “because” and “so.”

例: Yes, I would. More parks would benefit children and families because my town is very congested and currently has almost no public green spaces, so new parks would improve residents’ health and leisure options.

提案: Be specific and concise. Use correct expressions (“I would like to visit a park in Baroda”) and avoid repetition. Provide one or two clear details (size, activities) and use linking words like “also” or “for example.”

例: Yes, I would like to visit a large park in Baroda. It has extensive lawns where you can walk freely and a picnic area where families can play with children, so it sounds perfect for a relaxing day out.

× Yes, of course, when I was a child I do prefer to go to the park as I can spend my qualitative times over there with my friends and family.

✓ Yes, of course, when I was a child I preferred to go to the park because I could spend quality time there with my friends and family.

The sentence mixes past context ('when I was a child') with present simple 'do prefer' and present modal 'can'. This is a tense consistency error (present tense issue). Use past tense 'preferred' and past modal 'could' to match the time frame. Also 'qualitative times' is incorrect collocation; use 'quality time'. Suggestions: keep tense consistent with the time reference and use natural collocations: 'preferred', 'could', 'quality time'.

× Yes, definitely. Going to the park helps me to, uh, think, uh, adequately about certain things.

✓ Yes, definitely. Going to the park helps me think clearly about certain things.

'Helps me to think adequately' is awkward; 'helps me think clearly' is more natural. This is a present tense usage and phrasing issue: after 'helps' the bare infinitive is natural ('helps me think'), and 'adequately' is not the best adverb here—'clearly' fits the intended meaning. Remove filler 'uh'.

× And on the other side, I do jogging in the park, so I frequently go to the, uh, various parks.

✓ Also, I go jogging in the park, so I frequently visit various parks.

'I do jogging' is incorrect verb + -ing construction; use 'I go jogging' or 'I jog'. 'On the other side' is awkward; use 'also'. 'Visit various parks' is more natural than 'go to the various parks'. This corrects improper gerund/verb usage and awkward connectors.

× It will considerably helpful to the youngster to have uh, several parks in my city because right now it's so congested that even there is not one park in my, uh, town.

✓ It would be considerably helpful for young people to have several parks in my city because right now it is so congested that there is not a single park in my town.

'It will considerably helpful' lacks modal structure; use 'would be' for a conditional/polite statement. 'To the youngster' is unnatural; use 'for young people' or 'for children'. 'Even there is not one park' has word order and article issues—use 'there is not a single park'. This addresses modal verb usage and article/preposition problems.

× So I probably think that it would be great idea to have the multiple ones.

✓ So I think it would be a great idea to have several of them.

Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'great idea' (article error). 'The multiple ones' is incorrect; use 'several of them' or 'multiple parks'. Also 'probably think' is redundant—'I think' suffices; this fixes article and phrasing issues.

× Yes, I would like to explore myself to the one of the place which is located in Baroda at that at that park you can just walk around anywhere because it's a big garden log over there, garden lawn over there.

✓ Yes, I would like to visit a place in Baroda; at that park you can walk anywhere because it has a large garden lawn.

'Explore myself to the one of the place' incorrectly uses reflexive pronoun and prepositions. Use 'visit a place' or 'explore a place' without 'myself'. 'One of the place' is incorrect; use 'a place'. 'Garden log' is likely a mistaken phrase—use 'garden lawn' or 'large garden'. This corrects reflexive pronoun misuse and awkward phrasing.

× And on the other hand you if you have a children with you, then you can play with them as well in the picnic area.

✓ And if you have children with you, you can play with them in the picnic area as well.

'You if you' is word order error and 'a children' is incorrect plural/article agreement (should be 'children' without 'a'). This is an incorrect use of pronouns and articles. Reorder the clause and remove the extra article to correct the sentence.