Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitations and repetition, use one clear topic sentence then add two specific supporting details. Keep it within 3–4 sentences and use linking words (for example, then, after that). Also correct small grammar issues (e.g., past tense consistency: 'rode our bikes').

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often went in the evenings with my friends; we played games for about an hour and then rode our bikes around the paths. Those visits were very memorable because we got to explore and be active together.

提案: Make the answer more concise and vary vocabulary (e.g., exercise, jog, picnic). Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, additionally). Mention frequency to be specific (e.g., 'most mornings' or 'a few times a month').

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, especially most mornings when I jog and do light exercises. Additionally, a few times a month I meet friends for a small picnic, where we bring food and relax together.

提案: Avoid redundancy and correct grammar (e.g., 'one or two parks', 'gives people more space'). Start with a clear opinion then support with two specific reasons (accessibility, health or community benefits).

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because currently there are only one or two parks and they are far from many neighborhoods. More parks would improve access to green space and encourage people to walk, exercise, and socialize.

提案: Organize into a topic sentence plus specific supporting details. Remove filler phrases ('you know') and correct grammar (e.g., 'children also need space'). Add one reason why you want to visit (features, activities) and keep it concise.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Ramnath Park because it is much larger than the local parks. It has many exotic trees and wide paths, which are ideal for walking and for children to play and explore.

× We played there for like an hour then we would ride our bike uh, then we ride our bikes and uh, run around the uh park.

✓ We played there for about an hour, then we would ride our bikes and run around the park.

The original mixes past simple ('played') with present simple ('ride') and inconsistent singular/plural ('bike' vs 'bikes'). Use consistent past tense for a recount of childhood activities and plural 'bikes' to match 'we'. Replace informal 'like' with 'about' for clarity.

× It was uh, it was a very memorable time of my.

✓ It was a very memorable time for me.

The original repeats 'it was' and ends with an incorrect prepositional phrase 'of my'. Use 'for me' to indicate personal experience and remove the repetition.

× Yes, I still like to go to the park now, uh, in the morning especially, I go to the park to do some workout and, uh, run around there.

✓ Yes, I still like to go to the park now, especially in the morning. I go there to work out and run around.

The sentence has awkward word order and collocations: 'do some workout' is unidiomatic; use 'work out'. Split into two sentences for clarity and use 'there' to avoid repetition.

× And sometime I go with my friends to have a little picnic there, uh, like the summer picnic where you bring foods and eat together.

✓ Sometimes I go with my friends to have a little picnic, like a summer picnic where you bring food and eat together.

'Sometime' should be 'Sometimes' to indicate frequency. 'Foods' is incorrect in this context; use uncountable 'food'. Add 'a' before 'summer picnic' for correct article use.

× Yes, I would love to see more parks in my city because in my city we have only one or two park and some are very far away from my home.

✓ Yes, I would love to see more parks in my city because we have only one or two parks, and some are very far from my home.

Use plural 'parks' to match 'one or two' and remove the redundant phrase 'in my city'. 'Far away from my home' is acceptable but more concise as 'far from my home'.

× And having more parks gives people to have more space to walk around and explore them.

✓ Having more parks gives people more space to walk around and explore them.

Do not use 'gives people to have'; the correct structure is 'gives people more space' followed by the activities. Remove the unnecessary infinitive 'to have'.

× It's been very, very amazing to have more parks.

✓ It would be wonderful to have more parks.

'It's been' implies a completed state; for a wish about future availability, use 'It would be' or 'It would be very amazing' (better: 'wonderful'). This matches the hypothetical or desired tone.

× Yes, I would love to go to the Ramnath Park at this park is really big compared to the park I have in my place and they have lots of amazing very exotic trees there and more space to, you know, walk around and for children since children also needs space to grow.

✓ Yes, I would love to go to Ramnath Park. This park is really big compared to the parks near my home, and it has many very exotic trees and more space to walk around. Children also need space to grow.

The original is a run-on sentence with tense and agreement errors: 'the park I have in my place' is awkward—use 'parks near my home'. 'They have' should be 'it has' because 'park' is singular. 'Lots of amazing very exotic trees' is wordy; reorder adjectives to 'many very exotic trees'. 'Children also needs' should be 'children also need' to match plural subject.