Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện ngữ pháp cơ bản, loại bỏ lặp từ và sửa lỗi thì; trả lời nên ngắn gọn, rõ ràng với một câu chủ đề và 1–2 câu bổ sung cụ thể. Chú ý sử dụng liên từ phù hợp và hình thái động từ đúng (ví dụ: "when I was a child", "I used to"), và dùng từ vựng chính xác như "relaxed" hoặc "helped me relax".

例: When I was a child, I used to go to the park with my parents once a week. I enjoyed it because there were many playgrounds and rides, and spending time outdoors helped me relax and forget about school stress.

提案: Sửa lỗi từ sai ("past" → "parks"), cấu trúc câu rời rạc và ngữ pháp (thì, mạo từ). Hạn chế từ không phù hợp hoặc sai nghĩa ("cheating" không đúng ngữ cảnh). Trả lời nên bắt đầu bằng một câu chủ đề rõ ràng, sau đó dùng 1–2 chi tiết cụ thể liên kết bằng từ nối như "because" hoặc "so".

例: I still like going to parks, but I visit them only about once a month because I am busy with work. When I go, I usually relax and meet friends to play games and chat.

提案: Sửa lỗi phát âm chữ viết ("parts"→"parks"), ngữ pháp (số nhiều/đếm được, cấu trúc câu), và dùng từ vựng phù hợp ("relaxation" thay cho "relation"). Viết mạch lạc hơn: câu chủ đề + lý do cụ thể + ví dụ/nguyên nhân. Tránh lặp từ và dùng linking words như "because", "for example", "therefore".

例: Yes, I would like more parks because rapid urbanization has reduced open spaces to build high-rise buildings and shopping malls. Parks provide green areas for relaxation and exercise, so creating more of them would improve residents' well-being.

提案: Sửa lỗi ngữ pháp và từ vựng ("the Sydney park in the Australia" → "a park in Sydney, Australia"), tránh những mô tả mơ hồ và sai thông tin (Disney World is in Florida/Orlando; use accurate references). Trả lời nên nêu tên cụ thể, lý do rõ ràng và một chi tiết hỗ trợ. Giữ tối đa 3–4 câu.

例: I would love to visit a famous park in Sydney, Australia, such as the Royal Botanic Garden. I haven't been there, but I imagine it has beautiful coastal views and diverse plant life, which would be great for relaxing and taking photos.

× When I was when I was twice I used to go to the park with my parents at the weekend, usually once a week.

✓ When I was two I used to go to the park with my parents at the weekend, usually once a week.

The student repeated 'when I was' and used 'twice' incorrectly to mean age; the correct expression is 'two' for age. Remove the duplicate phrase and replace 'twice' with the numeral age. Use simple past habit 'used to' correctly.

× I really enjoy it because there were lots of playground games and rides to try and spending time outdoors have me relaxed and forget about school stress.

✓ I really enjoyed it because there were lots of playground games and rides to try, and spending time outdoors made me relaxed and helped me forget about school stress.

Tense consistency error and wrong verb agreement: 'enjoy' should be past 'enjoyed' to match 'When I was two'. 'Spending time outdoors have me relaxed' uses wrong verb form and agreement; change to 'made me relaxed' and add 'helped me forget' for clarity. Also add a conjunction and punctuation for clarity.

× I still enjoy going to the past, but I don't go very often, about once a month because I'm very busy with my work when I do.

✓ I still enjoy going to parks, but I don't go very often, about once a month, because I'm very busy with my work when I do.

The student wrote 'going to the past' incorrectly; likely intended 'parks'. Maintain present tense 'enjoy' for current habit. Add commas for clarity.

× With your part, I would like to relax and sometimes spend time playing together with my friends and cheating and chatting.

✓ When I go, I would like to relax and sometimes spend time playing with my friends, eating and chatting.

'With your part' is unclear; use 'When I go'. 'Cheating' is incorrect and likely a misspelling of 'eating'. Replace with 'eating' and remove redundant 'together' since 'playing with my friends' implies together. Keep conditional 'would like' appropriate for preferences.

× I would like to see more parks in my city because rapid urbanization has led to many open space being demolished to make way for high rise buildings and shopping malls.

✓ I would like to see more parks in my city because rapid urbanization has led to many open spaces being demolished to make way for high-rise buildings and shopping malls.

Count noun 'open space' should be plural 'open spaces'. 'High rise' should be hyphenated as 'high-rise' when used as a compound adjective. Ensure plural agreement 'many open spaces'.

× Parts provide green space for relation and green space and exercise so creating more of the moods.

✓ Parks provide green space for relaxation and exercise, so creating more of them would improve people's moods.

Many word errors: 'Parts' should be 'Parks'. 'Relation' should be 'relaxation'. 'Green space and exercise' is redundant; rephrase to 'green space for relaxation and exercise'. 'More of the moods' is meaningless; replace with 'improve people's moods'. Maintain subject-verb agreement.

× I always would like to go to the Sydney park in the Australia.

✓ I would always like to go to Sydney Park in Australia.

Word order: 'always would like' is less natural than 'would always like' or better 'I would love to go'. Article 'the' before 'Australia' is incorrect; countries like Australia do not use 'the'. 'Sydney Park' is a proper noun and should not have 'the' unless part of the name.

× I don't know much about this but it is a fairy tales worse with lot of games and memories linked to the Disney World.

✓ I don't know much about it, but it is a fairytale world with lots of games and memories linked to Disney World.

Multiple errors: 'this' → 'it' is more natural. 'fairy tales worse' is meaningless; likely meant 'fairytale world'. 'Lot of' needs determiners: 'lots of'. 'the Disney World' should be 'Disney World' without 'the'. Ensure noun forms and word order are correct.