Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Câu trả lời cần rõ ràng, mạch lạc hơn và sửa lỗi từ vựng/ngữ pháp. Hãy bắt đầu bằng một câu chủ đề trực tiếp trả lời câu hỏi, rồi thêm 1–2 câu chi tiết cụ thể (ví dụ tên trò chơi, tần suất, cảm xúc). Tránh câu dài lộn xộn và lỗi phát âm/viết như “part” thay vì “park”, “high and sick tech” không rõ nghĩa. Sử dụng liên từ đơn giản (for example, because, so) để nối ý.

例: Yes, I loved going to the park as a child. The small park in front of my house was our favorite meeting place, and my neighbors and I visited it almost every day. We played games like hide-and-seek and practiced roller skating on weekends, so the park felt cozy and safe and gave me many happy memories.

提案: Cần trả lời trực tiếp và rõ ràng hơn, sửa lỗi ngữ pháp số lượng (many responsibility → many responsibilities) và dùng từ phù hợp (get → get fresh air). Giữ cấu trúc ngắn gọn: chủ đề, lí do, ví dụ. Dùng liên từ như 'however' hợp lý để nối ý.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. After dinner I usually take a short walk there with my mother and sister to get some fresh air. However, I don't go as often now because I have many responsibilities at school, which makes me a bit sad.

提案: Cần diễn đạt súc tích và chính xác: sửa cấu trúc ngữ pháp (with the will be urbanizations → with urbanization happening) và số lượng/ mạo từ (the park → parks). Tránh lặp ý và bổ sung lý do cụ thể vì sao cần thêm công viên (sức khỏe, không khí, không gian xanh). Dùng liên từ (because, so) để rõ mạch.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because urbanization is increasing and green spaces are disappearing. Parks provide places to relax, exercise and improve air quality, so I think the city should build more of them.

提案: Cần sửa lỗi từ và ngữ pháp (part → park; 'friendly asthma feed' không rõ—có lẽ meant 'friendly atmosphere/feel'). Trả lời trực tiếp, nêu tên công viên và lý do cụ thể. Giữ tối đa 3–4 câu, dùng liên từ (because, so) để nối ý.

例: I haven't thought of a specific park until now, but I would choose the big park on Manhattan Street. It has a roller-skating area where I can practice in the morning, and it's lively because many people walk, cycle or exercise there, so I enjoy the friendly atmosphere.

× There was a small part right in the front of my hand so I loved visiting it whenever I had free time with my neighbors.

✓ There was a small park right in front of my house, so I loved visiting it whenever I had free time with my neighbors.

'part' is incorrect; context needs 'park'. 'in the front of my hand' is nonsensical and likely meant 'in front of my house'. Use 'right in front of' without 'the' before 'front'. Also add a comma before 'so' for clarity.

× Because we played all sort of games like high and sick tech and practice I in our practice roller skating most every weekend.

✓ We played all sorts of games like 'hide and seek' and practiced roller skating almost every weekend.

Use 'all sorts of' instead of 'all sort of'. 'high and sick tech' seems to be misheard; correct phrase is 'hide and seek'. 'practice I in our practice roller skating' is ungrammatical; use 'practiced roller skating'. Use 'almost' instead of 'most' with 'every weekend'.

× The park felt cozy and safe and we made so many happy childhood memories there.

✓ The park felt cozy and safe, and we made so many happy childhood memories there.

This sentence mainly needs a comma before 'and' to join two independent clauses. Grammar is otherwise correct; punctuation improves readability.

× After dinner I usually go to the park with my mother and sister to have a short walk and get.

✓ After dinner I usually go to the park with my mother and sister to have a short walk and get some fresh air.

Sentence ends abruptly with 'get'; needs an object. 'get some fresh air' completes the verb phrase. Use present simple 'go' for habitual action, which is correct.

× However, I don't go as often as I did before because I'm very busy with many responsibility, so I'm a bit sad about that.

✓ However, I don't go as often as I did before because I'm very busy with many responsibilities, so I'm a bit sad about that.

Use plural 'responsibilities' after 'many'. 'Many' requires a countable plural noun.

× I believe park is a wonderful place to play different kind of sports, talk with other person.

✓ I believe the park is a wonderful place to play different kinds of of sports and talk with other people.

Use 'the park' to refer generally to parks or 'a park' for nonspecific; here 'the park' fits context. Use plural 'kinds' after 'different' and plural 'sports'. Use 'people' not 'person' and add 'and' to connect activities.

× I think yes, I would love to see more parks in my city because with the will be urbanizations happening right now, I think there's a lot of more building compared to the park.

✓ Yes, I would love to see more parks in my city because with the urbanization happening right now, there are many more buildings than parks.

'I think yes' is awkward; use 'Yes'. 'the will be urbanizations' is incorrect; use 'urbanization' or 'urbanizations' and correct word order. 'there's a lot of more building compared to the park' should be 'there are many more buildings than parks' for subject-verb agreement and correct comparison.

× But park is a wonderful place for you to spend time, relax, do many other activities and I think people should come to the park more often just like the other people.

✓ But the park is a wonderful place to spend time, relax, and do many activities, and I think people should visit parks more often like others do.

Add 'the' before 'park'. Avoid 'you' if speaking generally; use infinitive 'to spend'. 'the other people' is redundant; use 'like others do' or 'as other people do'.

× I haven't really thought about any specific part to visit because there are many parks near my home, but if I have to choose I would go to the big park on Manhattan St. that has a roller skating area where I can practice my favorite sport in the morning.

✓ I haven't really thought about any specific park to visit because there are many parks near my home, but if I had to choose, I would go to the big park on Manhattan St. that has a roller skating area where I can practice my favorite sport in the morning.

'part' should be 'park'. Use conditional 'if I had to choose' for hypothetical. Add comma after conditional clause.

× It's lively, many people walk, cycle or exercise, so I enjoy friendly asthma feed there.

✓ It's lively; many people walk, cycle, or exercise, so I enjoy the friendly atmosphere there.

'asthma feed' is nonsensical and likely 'atmosphere'. Add 'the' before 'friendly atmosphere'. Use semicolon or comma plus conjunction to connect clauses.