Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more grammatical and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, correct articles and tenses, and add one specific supporting detail with a linking word. Avoid extra historical clauses that are inaccurate or awkwardly phrased.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I lived near the Summer Palace in Beijing, so I often played there with my friends. Because it used to be an imperial garden, I especially remember the large ponds and pavilions, which felt very special to explore.

提案: Use a clear topic sentence, correct place names and prepositions, and avoid absolute expressions like 'without any exceptions.' Add a brief reason using a linking word to make your answer coherent.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. My favorite is Shakespeare Reserve in northeast Auckland, and although it is far from my home, I go there about three times a week because I like its walking trails and quiet atmosphere.

提案: Be concise and avoid repeating 'I would love.' Use correct park names and prepositions; if uncertain about names, speak generally. Give one clear reason and one example, using a linking word to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I'd like to see more parks in my city. For example, I hope new regional parks are created in the north of Auckland because they would protect scenic areas and give people more places to relax.

提案: Provide a direct topic sentence, correct factual errors (Hanoi is the capital; CBD is central business district, not the capital), and use linking words to explain reasons. Keep it to one or two supporting sentences with specific details about what attracts you.

例: Yes, I would like to visit West Lake Park in Hanoi in the future. I have seen photos of its lakeside temples and gardens in travel books, and I want to see the scenery and experience the local culture in person.

× Absolutely loved going to park as a child.

✓ I absolutely loved going to parks as a child.

Missing subject and article/plural: The sentence omits the subject 'I' and uses 'park' without an article; 'going to parks' or 'going to the park' are correct. Use 'I' to form a complete sentence and 'parks' fits the general habit described.

× During my childhood, I lived near the Summer Palace in Beijing, which used to be an imperial park where the only the members of the imperial family can go.

✓ During my childhood, I lived near the Summer Palace in Beijing, which used to be an imperial park where only members of the imperial family could go.

Redundant article and tense/modal mismatch: 'the only the members' has an extra 'the' and should be 'only members'. The relative clause refers to past situation, so 'could go' (past modal) is correct instead of 'can go'.

× I still love to go to the park now.

✓ I still love going to the park now.

Verb form preference: Both 'love to go' and 'love going' can be correct, but for habitual current action 'love going' is more natural. No tense error but improve naturalness.

× My current favorite part is the Shakespeare Original Park in the northeast of Auckland.

✓ My current favorite park is Shakespeare Reserve in the northeast of Auckland.

Word choice and preposition: 'favorite part' is incorrect; should be 'favorite park'. Also park names often use 'Reserve' or 'Park' without 'Original'. 'in the northeast of Auckland' is acceptable but 'in the northeast of Auckland' is fine; suggested clearer form given.

× It's quite a long way from my home, but I still go there three times every week without any exceptions.

✓ It's quite a long way from my home, but I still go there three times a week without fail.

Wordiness and idiom: 'every week' is fine; 'without any exceptions' is wordy and unnatural. Use idiomatic 'three times a week' and 'without fail'.

× I would love to go to the Dude Original Park and E Auckland and Went Home Regional Park and far north of Auckland as soon as I get the new car.

✓ I would love to go to Dude Park, East Auckland, Wentworth Regional Park, and the Far North of Auckland as soon as I get a new car.

List and article errors: The original lists place names irregularly and misuses 'and' repeatedly. Use commas and 'and' before final item. Use proper place-name forms ('East Auckland', 'Wentworth Regional Park', 'the Far North'). Use 'a new car' unless referring to a specific car.

× I would love to appreciate the beautiful scenery as well as the historic buildings and the park.

✓ I would love to appreciate the beautiful scenery, historic buildings, and the park.

Parallelism and redundancy: Use parallel noun phrases and remove repeated conjunctions. Listing with commas is clearer.

× If I get a chance, I'll go to the Hanoi Westlake Park and the Hanoi CBD, which is the capital of Vietnam, as soon as possible.

✓ If I get a chance, I'll go to West Lake Park in Hanoi and visit Hanoi's central business district, and I hope to do so as soon as possible.

Geographical and apposition errors: 'Hanoi CBD, which is the capital of Vietnam' is incorrect; Hanoi is the capital of Vietnam, not the CBD. Also 'Hanoi Westlake Park' should be 'West Lake Park in Hanoi'. Clarify by separating places and using correct apposition.

× I have seen images of that park during my childhood and a travel book.

✓ I saw images of that park in a travel book during my childhood.

Tense and sentence order: Use simple past 'saw' for a specific past action. 'During my childhood' better follows the object, and 'in a travel book' specifies the source. Present perfect 'have seen' is less appropriate for a definite past time.