Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more grammatically accurate and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (past tense), then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and long run-on sentences. For example, say when you went, who with, and one memorable feature of the park.

例: Yes, I loved going to the park as a child. Every evening after 6 pm my friends and I would visit the nearby park, which had a large pond in the centre. We often played around the pond and enjoyed feeding the ducks.

提案: Use correct verb tenses and a clear structure: topic sentence (present habit), supporting details (frequency, who, what you do), and a brief opinion. Use linking words ('now', 'because', 'so') and avoid filler words.

例: Yes, I still like going to parks. Now I usually visit the park early in the morning, around 5 am, to go jogging. The atmosphere is calm and pleasant, so I enjoy exercising there with my family sometimes.

提案: Give a concise reason and one specific benefit. Begin with a direct answer, then add two clear supporting points using linking words ('because', 'for example', 'so'). Avoid vague phrasing and repetition.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they improve people’s quality of life. For example, parks provide safe spaces for children to play and for families to relax, and they encourage outdoor exercise.

提案: Answer directly then give specific details: name or location of the park, why you want to visit, and when or with whom. Correct noun usage (park, not parking) and remove hesitations.

例: Yes, there is a large park just outside the city that I want to visit. It is the biggest park in the area and I plan to go there with my family next month because it has lovely walking trails and picnic areas.

× Yes, I do love to visit the park when I was a child after 6:00 me and my friends, we will visit the park nearby my home and it has a big pond or in the center of the park and all around we can go for.

✓ Yes, I loved visiting the park when I was a child. After 6:00, my friends and I would visit the park near my home. It had a big pond in the center and paths all around where we could walk.

The original mixes present and past tenses and uses incorrect word order and pronoun placement. Use past tense 'loved' and 'visited' for habitual actions in childhood. Use 'my friends and I' for correct subject order and 'would' to express habitual past actions. Clarify sentence into shorter clauses and use correct prepositions ('near' my home, 'in the center', 'where we could walk').

× Yes, still I allow to go to the park when I, when I will get free time.

✓ Yes, I still go to the park when I get free time.

'Allow to go' is incorrect for describing personal action; use simple present 'go' for habitual present actions. Do not use future 'will' in the time clause 'when I get free time' — use present tense for future time clauses.

× I used to go there with my family, but now it's little bit changed, uh, when I wake up around 5:00 and I will go for jogging in the same park.

✓ I used to go there with my family, but now it has changed a little. I wake up around 5:00 and go jogging in the same park.

Mixing past 'used to' with present/future 'will' is incorrect. Use 'has changed' for present perfect to show change up to now. For habitual present actions, use simple present 'I wake up' and 'go jogging'. Remove unnecessary 'will'.

× And it was like a very pleasant calm and quiet.

✓ It was very pleasant, calm, and quiet.

Adjectives should be coordinated and separated by commas; avoid 'like' as filler. Use parallel adjective forms and proper comma placement.

× The atmosphere and everything was very, really beautiful and I enjoyed it.

✓ The atmosphere and everything were really beautiful, and I enjoyed it.

Subject 'The atmosphere and everything' is plural, so use plural verb 'were' (subject-verb agreement). Use 'really' before 'beautiful' and remove redundant commas.

× Of course, I like to see more parks in my city because city at the park, it gives everyone the more pleasure and they can take the children over there to make them happy and we can spend a lot of time inside the park and also we can play and do.

✓ Of course, I would like to see more parks in my city because parks give people more pleasure. Parents can take their children there to make them happy, and we can spend a lot of time in the park playing and relaxing.

Original is run-on and has awkward phrasing ('city at the park', 'the more pleasure'). Use 'would like' for polite preference. Break into clear sentences, use plural 'parks' and 'people', correct possessive 'their children', and use appropriate verbs ('playing and relaxing').

× Yes, there is one parking near to the city.

✓ Yes, there is one park near the city.

'Parking' is incorrect for 'park'. Also 'near the city' is correct phrasing; do not use 'near to the city'. Use 'there is' correctly to introduce existence.

× It is the biggest park in my place and uh, I didn't get time to go there.

✓ It is the biggest park in my area, and I haven't had time to go there.

Use 'area' instead of informal 'place'. For time up to now, present perfect 'haven't had time' is more natural than simple past 'didn't get time'.

× Still I am planning to go with my family and uh, it is, I think it's a central in city so I can go.

✓ I am still planning to go with my family. I think it's centrally located in the city, so I can visit.

Sentence is awkward and has incorrect phrase 'a central in city'. Use 'centrally located in the city' or 'in the city center'. Break into two sentences. Use 'visit' instead of repeated 'go' for clarity.