Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clear, grammatical and concise. Start with a direct topic sentence (e.g., “Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child.”). Correct tense and vocabulary errors (e.g., “When I was younger”), avoid repetition, and add one specific supporting detail using a linking word (e.g., “because” or “and”). Keep to no more than 3–4 short sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child. When I was younger I went about three times a week because I liked playing games and meeting my friends there. It was always a fun and lively place for us.

提案: Reduce fillers and improve grammar. Begin with a clear topic sentence (e.g., “Yes, I still enjoy going to parks.”). Use simple past or present correctly (“I go twice a week”), avoid redundant words, and add a coherent supporting detail with a linking word (e.g., “because” or “although”) to compare current and past habits.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I usually go about twice a week with my friends, where we sit and make pancakes and juice. However, I preferred visiting parks more often when I was a teenager.

提案: Make your response more natural and grammatically correct. Start directly (e.g., “Yes, I would like more parks in my city.”). Replace vague phrases (“you know”) with precise reasons and use correct agreement (“people who are sitting”). Use linking words like “because” and give one or two specific benefits.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they feel like therapy to me. I enjoy seeing green trees, well-kept gardens and playgrounds, and watching people relax, which improves my mood.

提案: Be specific and use correct vocabulary. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., “Yes, I want to visit Marina Park in Dubai.”). Explain why with concrete details (what attractions, what you expect) and avoid vague phrases like “more popular things.” Use linking words such as “because” or “for example.”

例: Yes, I want to visit Marina Park in Dubai in the future because it offers new attractions and recreational equipment. For example, I’m interested in the modern playgrounds and waterfront views that I’ve seen in photos.

× Yes. When I was this one, I was going to the park three times a week and it was really nice time for me to go there to play and see my friends too. Yes.

✓ Yes. When I was little, I went to the park three times a week and it was a really nice time for me to go there to play and see my friends.

The sentence contains tense and word choice problems. 'When I was this one' is incorrect; use 'when I was little' or 'when I was a child' (incorrect pronoun/phrase). 'I was going to the park' suggests continuous past but the intended habitual past is better expressed with the simple past 'I went'. Also include the article 'a' before 'really nice time'. Suggestion: use simple past for repeated past actions and correct phrase 'when I was little'. (Related grammar types: Present tense issue and sentence structure.)

× Yes, actually, I still like going to the parks now, uh, and usually I'm going uh, two days a week now, uh, with my friends to sit there, make for us some pancakes and some juice.

✓ Yes, actually I still like going to parks, and usually I go twice a week with my friends to sit there and make pancakes and juice for ourselves.

Use simple present for habitual actions: 'I go' not 'I'm going'. 'Two days a week' is better expressed as 'twice a week'. 'Make for us some pancakes' is ungrammatical order; use 'make pancakes and juice for ourselves' and contraction/extra 'now/uh' removed. Also 'the parks' is unnecessary; say 'parks' or 'the park' depending on meaning. Suggestion: use simple present for routines and correct word order for objects and reflexive pronoun 'ourselves'. (Related types: Present tense issue, Incorrect reflexive pronoun use.)

× But, umm, when I was a teenager, I prefer more.

✓ But when I was a teenager, I preferred them more.

Mixes past time marker 'when I was a teenager' with present tense 'prefer'. Use past tense 'preferred'. Also add object 'them' (parks) to clarify what was preferred. Suggestion: match verb tense to time frame and include the object if omitted. (Related types: Past tense issue, Incorrect use of pronouns.)

× Uh, yes, I like to see more parks in my city because you know, this is a therapy for me. I like to see the park and the green trees and the garden, the playgrounds there and the people who is sitting there.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they are therapeutic for me. I like to see parks, the green trees, the gardens, the playgrounds, and the people who are sitting there.

Several article and agreement issues: 'this is a therapy for me' is awkward — use 'they are therapeutic for me' or 'it is a form of therapy for me'. 'I like to see the park' is inconsistent with wanting more parks; use plural 'parks' or omit article. 'The people who is sitting' uses wrong verb form; use 'are sitting' for plural subject. Suggestion: use correct plural nouns/articles and subject-verb agreement. (Related types: Incorrect use of the definite article, Subject-verb agreement errors.)

× Yes, actually there is one park called Marina Park in Dubai. I want to visit this place in the future because there is more popular things, new games, yes.

✓ Yes, actually there is one park called Marina Park in Dubai. I want to visit it in the future because there are more popular attractions and new games there.

'There is' with plural 'things' is incorrect; use 'there are' for plural nouns. 'This place' can be replaced with pronoun 'it' for conciseness. 'More popular things' is vague; 'more popular attractions' is clearer. Suggestion: match 'there is/there are' to singular/plural and use precise nouns. (Related types: There be issue, Incorrect use of adjectives or nouns.)