Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and use past tense for childhood. Avoid repetition and filler words. Give a clear topic sentence, then one or two specific supporting details (what you did there or why you liked it). Keep it under five sentences and use linking words if adding details.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often played on the swings and climbed trees with my friends, which made those afternoons exciting. Because the parks were close to my home, I visited them almost every weekend.

提案: Answer directly and use correct grammar. Replace informal fillers and unclear phrases. Explain one or two specific reasons and use linking words like 'because' or 'so' to connect ideas. Correct vocabulary (e.g., 'relief', 'stressed') and avoid contradictions.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax when I feel stressed. For example, sitting under a tree and listening to birds calms me, so I often go for a short walk after a busy day.

提案: Give a clear opinion using correct modal forms (e.g., 'I wish there were more parks'). State one or two concrete reasons and support with a brief example. Use linking phrases like 'however' to contrast an ideal and reality.

例: I wish there were more parks in our city because green spaces improve people's health and provide places for families to gather. However, the main obstacle is limited space and heavy traffic in many neighborhoods.

提案: Use formal contractions and proper tense (e.g., 'I want to go back to a park in New Zealand'). Provide a specific park or describe what appeals to you there. Limit to up to five sentences and avoid repetition.

例: Yes, I would like to visit parks in New Zealand again, especially the botanical gardens in Auckland because they are spacious and well maintained. I remember enjoying long walks there and I miss the mild weather and beautiful scenery.

× I do, I do love, I do enjoy going to work since I was a child because I enjoy a lot and it's, it's, uh, it's fun and enjoyable.

✓ I have enjoyed going to parks since I was a child because I enjoy it a lot; it's fun and enjoyable.

The student used present simple 'do love' and 'do enjoy' with 'since I was a child', which requires present perfect to express an action continuing from the past to now. Replace 'do love/do enjoy' with 'have enjoyed' and change 'going to work' (incorrect word) to 'going to parks' to match the question. Also simplify redundant phrases ('it's fun and enjoyable') and use 'it' to refer to going to parks.

× Yes, 'cause it feels me relief and and I feel comfortable when I'm going to cry and when I have an truth or stress. I love the weather alone.

✓ Yes, because it gives me relief and I feel comfortable when I cry or when I am stressed. I enjoy the peaceful weather.

'Feels me relief' is incorrect word order and verb choice; use 'gives me relief' or 'relieves me'. 'I'm going to cry' is awkward and unnecessary; simple present or present continuous 'I cry' or 'I am crying' fits. 'Have an truth or stress' is incorrect; use 'am stressed' or 'feel stressed'. 'I love the weather alone' is unclear; use 'I enjoy the peaceful weather' or 'I like being alone in the weather.' Pronouns and verbs were misused and phrases were unidiomatic.

× I wish I can see a lot of parks in our city, but uh, but it's, it's just a limited space in our city and traffic and are and congested traffic is the main problem.

✓ I wish I could see many more parks in our city, but space is limited and congested traffic is the main problem.

When expressing a wish about a present unreal situation, use the past modal 'could' not 'can'. 'A lot of parks' is better as 'many more parks' in this context. There was repetition and word order issues ('traffic and are and congested traffic'); simplify to 'congested traffic' and remove redundancy.

× I think I wanna go back, I want to go back in the process in New Zealand, 'cause it's very big and warm, very accessible. I miss going park in New Zealand. Yeah, that's it.

✓ I think I want to go back to New Zealand because it's spacious, warm and very accessible. I miss going to parks in New Zealand.

Use the full form 'want to' rather than colloquial 'wanna' in a formal response. 'Go back in the process in New Zealand' is ungrammatical; use 'go back to New Zealand'. 'I miss going park' needs the preposition 'to' and plural 'parks' if referring generally. The error type involves incorrect use of verb + -ing and missing prepositions.