Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: ปรับปรุงความชัดเจนและโครงสร้างของประโยค: พูดประโยคหัวข้อให้ชัดเจนก่อน แล้วเสริมด้วยรายละเอียดเฉพาะ เช่น บรรยากาศ เวลา และความรู้สึก พยายามใช้คำเชื่อมอย่าง “because”, “for example” เพื่อให้ลื่นไหล และลดคำซ้ำหรือคำพูดติดอ่าง (hesitation) ลง ฝึกพูดประโยคให้ไม่เกิน 3-4 ประโยคและใช้คำศัพท์ที่เกี่ยวข้องเช่น tranquil, peaceful, sunset.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they were peaceful and beautiful. For example, I often visited at sunset to enjoy the calm atmosphere and watch the colors in the sky. Those visits made me feel relaxed and happy.

提案: ปรับความถูกต้องของไวยากรณ์และเลือกคำให้เหมาะสม: ใช้โครงสร้างประโยคที่ตรง เช่น “Yes, I still like going to parks” ตามด้วยเหตุผล และหลีกเลี่ยงการใช้คำผิด (เช่น “they enjoy” แทน “I enjoy”) และคำที่ไม่ชัดเจน (เช่น “detecting”) ใช้ linking words เช่น “because”, “for example”, “to” เพื่ออธิบายหน้าที่ของสวนชัดเจน ยกตัวอย่างกิจกรรมที่ทำที่สวนเพื่อเพิ่มความเฉพาะเจาะจง.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they are relaxing and have fresh air. For example, I often walk or sit under the trees to unwind after a busy day of studying. These activities help me feel calm and refreshed.

提案: ทำให้ความคิดชัดเจนและเป็นระบบมากขึ้น: ตอบตรงคำถามก่อนแล้วให้เหตุผลที่ชัด เช่น ปัญหาที่พบ (overcrowding, pollution) และประโยชน์ของสวนเพิ่มเติม (exercise, relax, improve air quality) ใช้คำเชื่อม “because”, “so”, “for example” และหลีกเลี่ยงการพูดซ้ำคำซึ่งทำให้ไม่เป็นธรรมชาติ

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in Bangkok because the city is overcrowded and polluted. More small parks would give people space to exercise and relax, and they could also help improve air quality. For example, neighborhood parks would be useful for people who cannot travel far on weekdays.

提案: จัดระเบียบไอเดียและใช้คำที่เหมาะสม: เริ่มด้วยประโยคตอบตรงๆ เช่น “Yes, I want to visit a large peaceful park” แล้วอธิบายรายละเอียดเฉพาะ เช่น ขนาด ตำแหน่ง และกิจกรรมที่อยากทำ หลีกเลี่ยงการใช้คำซ้ำและคำไม่ชัด เช่น “20th” ฝึกใช้คำศัพท์เช่น spacious, peaceful, well-maintained และเชื่อมประโยคด้วย “for example” หรือ “I would like”

例: Yes, I would like to visit a very large and peaceful park in the future. For example, a park in a district with two or three green spaces where I can walk, exercise and relax would be ideal. I imagine a well-maintained, spacious park with many trees and quiet areas for reading.

× Yes, absolutely I I am my favorite place to go since when I was a little kid and I love to go to the park.

✓ Yes, absolutely. It was my favorite place to go when I was a little kid, and I loved going to the park.

The original sentence has redundant words, incorrect order, and tense inconsistency. Use past tense 'was' and 'loved' to match 'when I was a little kid'. Remove the extra 'I' and restructure the sentence: 'It was my favorite place to go when I was a little kid, and I loved going to the park.' This makes the sentence grammatically correct and clear.

× I love to visit the park because it is very tranquil and relax the atmosphere actually nice and love to go there and evening during sunset and wash the very uh.

✓ I loved visiting the park because it was very tranquil and the atmosphere was relaxing and pleasant; I loved going there in the evening during sunset.

Adjectives and adverb forms were used incorrectly and the sentence structure was disorganized. Use 'relaxing' (present participle) or 'relaxing atmosphere' and 'pleasant' instead of 'relax the atmosphere actually nice'. Match past tense 'loved' with childhood context. Reorder phrases for clarity: 'the atmosphere was relaxing and pleasant' and 'in the evening during sunset.' Also remove filler sounds like 'uh'.

× These parks are still remain peaceful and they enjoy going to park because it is relaxing.

✓ The parks are still peaceful, and I enjoy going to the park because it is relaxing.

Original mixes plural subject, unnecessary 'remain', and wrong pronoun 'they' for the speaker. Use 'the parks' or 'these parks' consistently. If the speaker refers to themselves, use 'I enjoy'. 'Remain' is redundant with 'are still'; choose one. Provide definite article 'the park' when speaking generally about parks in the city.

× It is the place where I can go with fresh air and green space. Like for example, I can go there to unwind myself doing a busy day from study and keep me detecting.

✓ It is a place with fresh air and green spaces. For example, I can go there to unwind after a busy day of studying and to relax.

'Unwind myself' is unnecessary; 'unwind' is sufficient. 'Doing a busy day from study' is ungrammatical; use 'after a busy day of studying'. 'Keep me detecting' is unclear; replace with 'to relax'. Use plural 'green spaces' for general reference.

× Yes, absolutely. I would like to see and visit small parks in Bangkok during on weekday and weekend because the city is extremely overcrowded and really noisy from congestion and and pollution.

✓ Yes, absolutely. I would like to see and visit small parks in Bangkok on weekdays and at weekends because the city is extremely overcrowded and really noisy due to congestion and pollution.

Use plural time expressions 'on weekdays' and 'at weekends'. Remove extra 'during' and duplicate 'and'. Use 'due to' or 'because of' for causes rather than 'from'. Maintain consistent verb forms and prepositions.

× Uh, for poor air quality, it can develop into a better better place uh because of place for people to exercise and relax.

✓ Improving air quality could help develop the city into a better place, providing spaces for people to exercise and relax.

Original misuses 'for poor air quality' and word order is confused. Use 'improving air quality' as subject of the sentence. 'Because of place for people' is incorrect; use 'providing spaces for people'. Remove filler words and duplicates.

× I am really looking forward to with it the park in the future.

✓ I am really looking forward to visiting parks in the future.

'Looking forward to' should be followed by a gerund ('visiting'), not 'with it'. Simplify phrase to 'visiting parks in the future'.

× I'd like, for example, in in one, uh, province who one district, there could be like two or three parks, like a small or large park.

✓ For example, in one district of a province there could be two or three parks, small or large.

Remove duplicate words and filler 'uh'. Use 'in one district of a province' for correct noun phrase order. Avoid conversational 'like' excess. Structure sentence simply: 'there could be two or three parks, small or large.'

× For me, for my perspective, it is really beautiful when I really looking forward to with it, a park where really, really large and gigantic and like peaceful and 20th.

✓ From my perspective, a park that is very large, peaceful, and beautiful would be ideal.

Original has redundant and incorrect phrases: 'looking forward to with it' is wrong, 'really, really large and gigantic' is repetitive, and '20th' is nonsensical. Use clear adjective order and concise expression: 'very large, peaceful, and beautiful.' Replace awkward phrasing with 'From my perspective' and use 'would be ideal.'