Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and clear with a topic sentence, correct word choice, and concise supporting details. Avoid irrelevant or incorrect words (e.g., “pub” for park, “retract my batteries”). Use linking words to organise ideas and limit to 2–4 short sentences. Include a specific example or memory to make the answer vivid.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often went there with my friends to play badminton and run around, which helped me stay fit. For example, every Saturday we would meet at the large oak near the pond and play for two hours before going home.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and use correct tense and concise phrasing. Reduce repetition (avoid multiple "but" clauses) and use linking words (e.g., "however", "because"). Give a specific plan or frequency to make it concrete.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, but I rarely have time now because of work. However, I hope to visit once or twice a week in the future when I better balance work and life.

提案: Give a direct opinion, use precise vocabulary, and avoid hesitations and unclear phrases. Replace vague or incorrect expressions (e.g., “realize and and write”, “reach out battery”) with concrete benefits (exercise, relaxation, community). Keep to 2–3 clear sentences with linking words like “because” or “for example.”

例: Yes, definitely. I think more parks would benefit the city because they provide green space for exercise and relaxation, and places where families and friends can meet. For example, new parks could include playgrounds and walking paths that encourage people to be outdoors.

提案: Use correct place names and clearer verbs, avoid fillers like “uh,” and correct collocations (e.g., “go to X National Park,” “hiking” not “tracking”). Provide 1–2 specific activities and a brief reason to make the answer natural and informative.

例: I would like to visit Cookford National Park in Mingbank because it is very scenic. I plan to go hiking, cycle on the trails, and take photographs with my friends because the views look spectacular.

× When I was a kid, I usually went to the pub with my friends to play badminton.

✓ When I was a kid, I usually went to the park with my friends to play badminton.

The original sentence uses 'pub' which is likely a wrong word choice rather than a grammar tense error; however keeping past tense 'went' is correct. I correct 'pub' to 'park' to match the context. Suggestion: ensure vocabulary matches intended meaning; past tense 'usually went' is appropriate for habitual past actions.

× It was a grateful time for me to improve my physical health and retract my batteries after a long week.

✓ It was a great time for me to improve my physical health and recharge my batteries after a long week.

'Grateful' is an adjective describing a person, not a period; 'great' fits better. 'Retract my batteries' is incorrect collocation; the idiom is 'recharge my batteries.' Suggestion: use appropriate adjectives and common idioms ('recharge my batteries').

× Yeah, honestly, I like going through the park now, but due to my work I didn't have enough time to go to the park but often that I used to.

✓ Yeah, honestly, I like going to the park now, but because of my work I don't have as much time to go as I used to.

Tense and comparison errors: mixing present 'like' with past 'didn't have' is inconsistent. Use present 'don't have' to reflect current situation. 'go to the park but often that I used to' is ungrammatical; use 'as much time to go as I used to' for comparison. Suggestion: keep tense consistent and use 'as...as' for comparisons.

× But I hope that in the future, if I can balance my work and my daily life, I think I will go to the park more often.

✓ But I hope that in the future, if I can balance my work and my personal life, I will go to the park more often.

Redundant 'I think' with 'I will' is unnecessary; sentence already expresses intention. 'Daily life' can be 'personal life' for clarity. Suggestion: avoid redundancy and keep the conditional and future consistent: 'If I can..., I will...'. Tense usage is correct otherwise.

× I think parks are the place where people can enjoy the nature, meet someone together with their friends and family.

✓ I think parks are places where people can enjoy nature and meet with their friends and family.

Article and noun-number issues: 'the place' should be plural 'places' because 'parks' is plural. 'Enjoy the nature' is incorrect; use 'enjoy nature' without 'the'. 'meet someone together with their friends and family' is awkward; use 'meet with their friends and family.' Suggestion: match singular/plural and omit unnecessary articles.

× So if you have more parks in the city, it can have more place for people to realize and and write, uh, and you know, also reach out battery.

✓ So if a city has more parks, it can provide more places for people to relax, walk, and recharge their batteries.

Pronoun and noun errors: 'you' and 'it' are unclear; better to use 'a city' or 'the city.' 'Have more place' should be 'provide more places.' 'Realize and and write' are incorrect words; likely intended 'relax and walk' or similar. 'Reach out battery' is wrong idiom; use 'recharge their batteries.' Suggestion: use clear subject nouns, pluralize 'places', and use correct verbs/idioms.

× I would like to go to Cook for National Park in Ming Bank.

✓ I would like to go to Cooke's National Park in Ming Bank.

Preposition 'to Cook for National Park' is incorrect and name likely misordered; use proper park name form 'Cooke's National Park' or 'Cook National Park' depending on correct proper noun. Suggestion: verify proper names and use correct noun forms for place names; use 'to' before place: 'go to Cooke's National Park'.

× This place is very beautiful to see and uh offer a very terrific place that I can enjoy like sharing the nature, tracking, bicycling and also taking photos with my friends.

✓ This place is very beautiful and offers a great setting where I can enjoy nature, trekking, cycling, and taking photos with my friends.

Several problems: subject-verb agreement ('place...offer' should be 'place...offers'), wrong collocations ('terrific place' awkward), 'sharing the nature' should be 'enjoy nature', 'tracking' should be 'trekking', 'bicycling' better as 'cycling'. Suggestion: match subject and verb number, use natural collocations ('offers a great setting'), and choose correct gerunds for activities.