Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Focus on correct tense and clearer phrasing. Start with a clear topic sentence in the past tense, correct grammar (e.g., 'I liked going to parks when I was a child'), remove redundant words, and give one specific detail about activities you did there. Use a linking word when adding the detail.

例: I liked going to parks when I was a child because they made me feel relaxed. For example, my grandparents often took me on weekends to play on the swings and have picnics, which was a nice break after school.

提案: Use correct subject-verb agreement and polite phrasing when referring to family. Answer directly with a short topic sentence about current habits, then give one clear reason. Avoid repeating phrases and unnatural expressions like 'in God hands' in a neutral test answer.

例: I don't go to parks much anymore because I am busy with work and prefer to rest at home. However, sometimes I visit a nearby green space for a short walk to relax.

提案: Be clear about your opinion and give one specific reason with a linking phrase. Use vocabulary accurately (e.g., 'leisure' as a noun, 'leisure activity'). Avoid filler words like 'uh' and correct article use ('the park' or 'parks').

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they offer spaces for photography and relaxation. For instance, I enjoy taking photos of trees and flowers, and more parks would give me more variety.

提案: Start with a concise topic sentence naming the park, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words (e.g., 'because' or 'so'). Correct verb tenses and phrasing ('I would like to visit Disneyland in Europe' or 'Disneyland Paris'). Avoid repeating the same idea.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Disneyland Paris in the future because I am a big Disney fan and I think it would be fun to relive childhood memories. Also, I expect to enjoy the attractions and atmosphere, which are great for sightseeing and relaxation.

× I like to go to park when I was a child because it gives me the comfort and the leisure that I want.

✓ I liked going to the park when I was a child because it gave me the comfort and leisure I wanted.

Tense, article and agreement: The sentence mixes present and past tenses. 'When I was a child' requires past tense verbs ('liked', 'gave', 'wanted'). 'Park' needs the definite article 'the' when referring to parks in general experience. 'The' before 'leisure' is unnecessary. Use consistent past tense and appropriate articles.

× As a child, the and my grandparents always brought me every weekends to do network because they want me to enjoy after the weekdays of schooling.

✓ As a child, my grandparents always took me to the park every weekend to play because they wanted me to enjoy myself after the weekdays of school.

Pronoun and extra words: Remove extraneous 'the and'. Use 'took me to the park' instead of 'brought me every weekends to do network'. 'Every weekends' should be 'every weekend' (singular form after 'every'). Use past tense 'wanted'. 'Enjoy myself' is correct reflexive pronoun. Replace 'schooling' with 'school' and 'to play' as intended activity.

× Now that my grandparents is already in God hands, I can say that I no longer go to parks since I am now an adult and I don't much enjoy going to parks anymore.

✓ Now that my grandparents are already in God's hands, I can say that I no longer go to parks since I am an adult and I don't enjoy going to parks much anymore.

Subject-verb agreement and possessive: 'Grandparents' is plural so use 'are'. Use the possessive form 'God's hands'. Move adverb 'much' to standard position 'enjoy ... much' or 'don't enjoy ... much'. Remove redundant 'now' for clarity.

× I just wanted to spend the rest of my day on our house spending on sleeping.

✓ I just wanted to spend the rest of my day at home sleeping.

Preposition and redundancy: Use 'at home' instead of 'on our house'. Remove repeated 'spending on'. Use the gerund 'sleeping' after the verb phrase to express intended activity.

× As an adult, I think it is not a leisure for me to go to park.

✓ As an adult, I don't consider going to the park a leisure activity for me.

Article and noun usage: 'Leisure' as a noun requires modifiers; 'a leisure activity' is clearer. Use 'the park' for a general activity. Rephrase to avoid awkward structure 'it is not a leisure for me'.

× I think it is more than a reason of uh, photography because I wanted to have a lot of pictures on parks.

✓ I think my main reason is photography because I want to take a lot of pictures in parks.

Preposition and tense: 'Reason of' is incorrect; use 'reason is'. Use present tense 'want' to match current preference. Use 'take pictures in parks' or 'of parks' rather than 'on parks'.

× Yes, I do have my preferences is to go to Disneyland park located in Europe because I wanted to heal my inner child because I'm a big fan of Disney and knowing that I'm an adult now, I think I will more enjoy the sightseeing, the feeling and the comfort that the Disneyland will give to me.

✓ Yes, I have a preference to go to Disneyland in Europe because I want to heal my inner child; I'm a big fan of Disney, and now that I'm an adult, I think I will enjoy the sightseeing, atmosphere, and comfort that Disneyland will give me.

Run-on and tense consistency: Remove redundant words 'do' and 'is'. Use present tense 'have' and 'want' for current preferences. Replace 'the sightseeing, the feeling and the comfort' with natural collocations 'sightseeing, atmosphere, and comfort'. Use 'give me' rather than 'give to me'. Ensure logical connectors and punctuation to avoid run-on sentences.