Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: حاول أن تكون إجاباتك أكثر تنظيماً وواضحة. ابدأ بجملة موضوعية مباشرة، تجنّب الترددات مثل "uh" و"it's" المتكررة، واستخدم تفاصيل محددة ومترابطة باستخدام أدوات ربط بسيطة. على سبيل المثال، اذكر من كنت تذهب معه، ماذا كنتم تفعلون، ولماذا أحببت ذلك.

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to the park with my family when I was a child. We often went together with our neighbors and sometimes had picnics. I liked riding the swings and playing games because it was fun and helped me make friends.

提案: قلل من التردّدات واهتم بالتسلسل المنطقي للجملة. ابدأ بجملة واضحة ترد مباشرة على السؤال، ثم أضف تفاصيل واضحة مثل مع من تذهب وماذا تفعل هناك وتأثير ذلك عليك. استخدم أدوات ربط قصيرة مثل "and" أو "because".

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks and I usually go with my two sisters. We often sit and read books there because it is calm and quiet, which helps us relax after a busy day.

提案: ركّز على جعل الفكرة واضحة ومحددة: ابدأ برأيك ثم قدّم سبباً واحداً أو اثنين مع أمثلة. تجنّب الخلط بين العبارات والإطالة غير المفيدة. استخدم مفردات مناسبة مثل "air quality", "green spaces", أو "public health" إذا استطعت.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they improve air quality and give people a place to exercise. For example, a new park could encourage families to spend time outside and reduce pollution.

提案: كن أكثر دقة في ذكر أسماء الأماكن ووصفها بعبارات قصيرة ومترابطة. ابدأ بجملة واضحة تحدد المكان الذي ترغب بزيارته، ثم اذكر سببين محددين لماذا تريد الذهاب واستخدم أدوات ربط بسيطة.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Hyde Park in London in the future. I want to go because it looks peaceful and has beautiful scenery, and I think it would be relaxing to walk there and watch people enjoying the outdoors.

× Yes, I like going with my family when I was, uh, when I was young.

✓ Yes, I liked going with my family when I was young.

The sentence mixes present tense 'I like' with past time reference 'when I was young'. Use past tense 'liked' to match the past context. Suggestion: change present verbs to past when referring to past experiences.

× I it's uh, it's garden and my neighbor, it's coming all the neighbor men and women and love to to ride the.

✓ It was a garden and my neighbors, both men and women, used to come and enjoyed riding there.

Original has fragmented clauses and incorrect pronoun use ('I it's', 'it's garden'). Also 'coming' and 'love to to ride' are ungrammatical. Reconstruct sentence: use past 'was', plural 'neighbors', and past habitual 'used to' or 'enjoyed'. Remove redundant fillers. Suggestion: form complete clauses and use appropriate tense and plural forms.

× Actually, yes, now I'm going with the my 2, uh, sisters.

✓ Actually, yes, now I go with my two sisters.

'I'm going' suggests a temporary action; for habitual current action use simple present 'I go'. Also 'the my 2' is incorrect article and numeral format; use 'my two sisters'. Suggestion: use simple present for habitual routines and write numbers in words.

× It's uh, SUS Remember Me that our days when I go with my mom and my dad and sitting and reading the books, it's a calm and quiet place.

✓ I remember the days when I went with my mom and dad, sitting and reading books; it was a calm and quiet place.

The sentence misuses 'It's uh, SUS Remember Me' and mixes pronouns and tenses. Use 'I remember' and past tense 'went' for past events. Remove unnecessary 'the' before parents and pluralize 'books'. Suggestion: start with the subject 'I' and keep tense consistent for past recollections.

× Yes, it's useful from yes, it's so good for the for them, for the atmosphere and the breathing people.

✓ Yes, parks are useful; they are good for people, for the atmosphere, and for clean air.

Original uses unclear pronouns 'it' and 'them' and awkward phrase 'breathing people'. Replace with plural 'parks' and pronoun 'they'; use 'clean air' or 'people's breathing' for clarity. Suggestion: refer clearly to the subject and use natural expressions for benefits.

× This is so useful. I didn't see, you know, any parks.

✓ That is very useful. I haven't seen many parks here.

Mismatch between 'I didn't see any parks' (simple past) and general present observation. If speaker means up to now, use present perfect 'I haven't seen many parks'. Also 'any parks' may be too absolute; 'many parks' is more natural. Suggestion: use present perfect to describe experiences up to now.

× Are there any parks you want to go to in the future?

✓ Are there any parks you would like to visit in the future?

Question is fine but 'want to go to' is informal; 'would like to visit' is more appropriate for polite future preference. Suggestion: use 'would like' for polite future wishes.

× Yes, this is good question.

✓ Yes, that's a good question.

Use contraction 'that's' or 'that is' instead of 'this is' when referring to the question just asked. Also use the article 'a' before 'good question'. Suggestion: use 'that's a good question' for natural responses.

× I want to go to London. This is the park height.

✓ I want to go to London. I think the park is Hyde Park.

'Park height' is a phonetic error for 'Hyde Park'. Also 'This is the park height' misuses 'the' and word order. Correctly identify the park name and use 'I think it's called Hyde Park' if unsure. Suggestion: check proper nouns and standard phrasing when naming places.

× I think it's named like that.

✓ I think it's called that.

Use 'called' to refer to a name instead of 'named like that'. 'Named' is passive and can be used, but 'called' is more natural in spoken English. Suggestion: use 'called' for naming and 'I think' to express uncertainty.

× It's so comfortable and make me relaxing and cozy and SH and seeing the people who's working and sitting there.

✓ It's so comfortable and makes me feel relaxed and cozy, and I enjoy seeing the people who are working and sitting there.

Subject-verb agreement error: 'make' should be 'makes' to agree with singular 'It'. 'Relaxing' should be 'relaxed' to describe the speaker's feeling. 'Who's' should be 'who are' for plural people. Suggestion: ensure verb agrees with subject and use correct adjective forms to describe feelings.

× It's so comfortable once I see it.

✓ It was so comfortable when I saw it.

If referring to a past visit, tense should be past: 'was' and 'saw'. Original uses present 'it's' with past 'once I see it' which is inconsistent. Suggestion: keep tense consistent—use past for past experiences and present for general truths.