Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Clarify meaning and use correct word forms; give a clear topic sentence then one or two concise supporting details. Avoid repetition and fix grammar (e.g., tense, articles, and word choice). Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' to connect reasons. Aim for 2–3 sentences total.

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child because we had little entertainment at home. I often played there with my peers, which was the main way for me to relax and have fun.

提案: Be concise and use correct vocabulary and collocations (e.g., 'go to the park', 'close to nature', 'cravers' and 'pot' are incorrect). Combine short fragments into 2–3 clear sentences and use linking words like 'because' and 'so' to explain. Provide one specific detail or example to support your opinion.

例: Yes, I still like going to the park because being close to nature helps me relax. For example, I enjoy sitting under trees and breathing the fresh air, which makes me feel refreshed.

提案: Good structure and clear reason. Improve by avoiding repetition (e.g., 'city' repeated) and using plural forms correctly ('parks'). Add a brief consequence or specific example (where parks could be added). Keep it within 2–3 sentences and use linking words like 'therefore' or 'for example'.

例: Yes, I would love to see more parks in my city because it is densely populated and many residents lack access to green space. Therefore, adding small neighborhood parks or pocket gardens would give people places to relax and improve air quality.

提案: Good idea and specific destination. Improve grammar (tense and agreement), remove fillers ('you know'), and correct collocations ('well maintained', 'contain', 'traditional gardens'). Use 2–3 sentences: state preference then give 1–2 specific reasons or examples.

例: I haven't thought much about it before, but I would love to visit parks in Japan in the future. Japanese parks are often scenic and well maintained, and many include historical buildings and traditional gardens that I want to explore.

× Yes, I did and I was a churchman and I didn't have much entertainment, so the only thing that I could do was going to was to go to other park and play with my peers.

✓ Yes, I did. I was a churchgoer and I didn't have much entertainment, so the only thing I could do was go to other parks and play with my peers.

Errors: incorrect word choice 'churchman' (use 'churchgoer'), redundant fragments 'was going to was to go', wrong verb form after 'was' (use base form 'go'), singular/plural 'other park' should be 'other parks'. Suggestions: use simple past tense consistently, remove redundancy, use base verb after 'was' when expressing 'the only thing I could do was + verb', and use plural for general places.

× And it is the IT was the only way that I can unbuild myself.

✓ It was the only way that I could unwind myself.

Errors: mixed tense 'it is the IT was' and incorrect modal 'can' after past context; wrong verb 'unbuild' (not standard), should be 'unwind'. Suggestions: keep past tense 'was' and use past modal 'could'; choose correct verb 'unwind' to mean relax.

× Yes, I do. Sometimes. I still go to park because I want to let myself.

✓ Yes, I do. Sometimes I still go to the park because I want to relax.

Errors: article missing before 'park' (should be 'the park' for specific/general visits), awkward phrase 'let myself' (use 'relax'). Suggestions: include appropriate article and use natural verb phrase.

× I find it very relaxing whenever I can get close to the nature and look at those cravers, you know and you know.

✓ I find it very relaxing whenever I can get close to nature and look at those cravers.

Errors: incorrect preposition/article 'to the nature' (use 'to nature' or 'to the natural environment'); repetition 'you know and you know' is redundant. Suggestions: remove 'the' before 'nature' and omit filler repetition.

× I find the air in the pot more refreshing.

✓ I find the air in the park more refreshing.

Errors: wrong noun 'pot' likely mispronunciation for 'park'. Suggestions: use correct noun 'park' to convey meaning.

× So I think it is a good idea for us to have more park.

✓ So I think it is a good idea for us to have more parks.

Errors: singular 'park' used where plural 'parks' is needed because speaker refers to multiple additional parks. Suggestions: use plural when referring to more than one.

× Yeah, I hadn't thought about that before.

✓ Yeah, I hadn't thought about that before.

No grammatical correction needed; sentence correctly uses past perfect to indicate lack of prior thought. Keep as is.

× But if you ask me, I would love to visit parks in Japan in the future.

✓ But if you ask me, I would love to visit parks in Japan in the future.

No grammatical correction needed; sentence is appropriate and correctly formed.

× You know, Japanese parks often are often very scenic and well contained and many contains historical buildings and traditional garden that I would like to see.

✓ You know, Japanese parks are often very scenic and well maintained, and many contain historical buildings and traditional gardens that I would like to see.

Errors: duplicate 'often are often' should be 'are often'; 'well contained' is incorrect collocation — likely 'well maintained'; subject-verb agreement 'many contains' should be 'many contain'; plural 'garden' should be 'gardens'. Suggestions: remove duplicate words, choose correct collocations, ensure subject-verb agreement and plural forms for count nouns.