Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答需要更自然和简洁，先直接回答（Yes），然后用一两句具体细节支持（例如：和朋友玩什么、最喜欢的活动）。注意句子结构和时态，避免重复词语，如“ourselves”用“us”即可。尽量保持不超过5句。

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often played football and flew kites there with my friends, which gave me a lot of exercise and fresh air. Those memories are still very pleasant.

提案: 答案不够直接且语法混乱。先给出明确回答（Yes/No/Not really），然后说明原因并给出具体例子（例如：工作忙、学习压力）。减少语填词（umm），用连词（because, so）使论述连贯。

例: Not really, because I am usually busy with work and studying. For example, I often have to meet deadlines and attend evening classes, so I rarely have time to relax in a park.

提案: 回答重复且表达含糊。应先直接肯定或否定，再用一两句具体理由（例如：改善空气、提供休闲场所），并用连接词（for example, because）组织句子。避免重复短语和无意义填词。

例: Yes, I would. More parks would improve air quality and give people more places to exercise and relax. For example, a small garden or a playground near my home would make weekends much nicer.

提案: 回答含糊且不具体。应说明具体想去哪类公园或举例（例如：botanical garden, national park），并解释原因和时间安排。控制句子长度并使用连词使表达更流畅。

例: Yes, I would like to visit a botanical garden in the future because I enjoy seeing different plants and taking photos. If I have more free time next summer, I plan to go with my family.

× I think going to park this scene is a popular thing among ourselves when we are a child.

✓ I think going to parks at that time was a popular activity among us when we were children.

原句中“going to park”缺少复数或定冠词，应为“going to parks”或“going to the park”；“this scene”用法不自然，改为“at that time”更符合语境；“a popular thing”更自然表达为“a popular activity”；“among ourselves”不合，改为“among us”；“when we are a child”时态和单复数错误，应为过去时且用复数“when we were children”。建议：注意可数名词单复数与冠词的搭配，时间背景一致使用过去时并保持主语复数一致。

× It can make us play outside and get more exercise chances.

✓ It allowed us to play outside and get more opportunities for exercise.

原句使用现在时“can make”与前句描述童年经历的过去时不一致，应使用过去时“allowed”；“exercise chances”表达不地道，改为“opportunities for exercise”。建议：叙述过去的经历时保持过去时态，并使用自然搭配表达“锻炼机会”。

× Not yet, because when we are get older and older, umm we have many things haven't done to do so it can pressure ourselves and we have not so many times to relax.

✓ Not really, because as we get older, we have many things we haven't done, which can put pressure on us and leave us with less time to relax.

原句时态、语序和用词混乱："Not yet"用于否定与上下文不符，改为“Yes/Not really”更合适；"when we are get older and older"混合了两种结构，应为"as we get older"；"we have many things haven't done to do"应改为"we have many things we haven't done"或"many unfinished tasks"；"it can pressure ourselves"用法不当，应为"put pressure on us"；"we have not so many times to relax"应为"leave us with less time to relax"。建议：简化句子结构，保持主谓一致，注意从句和非限定定语从句的使用，避免反身代词滥用。

× Yes, it's a good thing, I think. And the more parks we get, we get and the more place we can go outside and relax ourselves, I think seeing some plants in the watching some umm, I think.

✓ Yes, I think it's a good idea. The more parks we have, the more places we can go outside and relax and see plants.

原句中有语序重复"we get, we get"和词性混用"more place"应为复数"more places"；"relax ourselves"可简化为"relax"；冗余且不完整的片段"in the watching some"应删去或改为"and see plants"。建议：使用比较结构时保持固定格式“the more..., the more...”，名词数量与上下文一致，去掉冗余片段使表达清晰。

× Yes, of course. Umm, I want to go outside when we have. When we have some abilities or freedom so that I can spare my time to go to the parks.

✓ Yes, of course. I want to go out in the future when I have the ability and freedom so that I can spare time to visit parks.

原句代词和时态不一致：使用第一人称单数时应使用“I”而不是“we”；"when we have"不完整且时态含糊，改为"in the future when I have"更明确；"some abilities or freedom"表达不自然，改为"the ability and freedom"；"spare my time to go to the parks"更自然为"spare time to visit parks"。建议：保持人称一致（此处用“I”），明确时间状语，使用恰当的名词搭配并简化表达。