Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Give a direct, grammatically correct topic sentence and add one brief specific detail. Use past tense for childhood and name or describe the park clearly. Keep it within 1–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I liked going to parks when I was a child. For example, I often visited a park called Cha Park where I played on the swings and fed ducks by the pond.

提案: Answer directly and use correct tense and vocabulary. Explain briefly why your preference changed with a clear reason and one supporting detail. Avoid unclear phrases like “do adventures thinking.”

例: Not really. I prefer more active adventures now, such as hiking or cycling, because parks feel too quiet for the kinds of activities I enjoy.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence, then give a specific reason and one supporting detail. Use correct grammar (many children, there aren’t many parks) and linking words like “because” or “so.” Keep to 2–3 concise sentences.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because many children have nowhere safe to play. For instance, a new park with a playground and benches would benefit families in our neighbourhood.

提案: Give a clear yes/no or statement, use correct nouns (theme park), and provide one or two specific details about why you want to go (e.g., nostalgia, rides, cleanliness). Avoid filler words and finish with a complete sentence.

例: Yes, I would like to visit a theme park that reminds me of my childhood because it is colourful and well maintained. I want to ride the roller coasters and revisit places that bring back good memories.

× Yes, I want to go park in CHA as a child.

✓ Yes, I wanted to go to the park in CHA when I was a child.

The original mixes present tense 'want' with past time 'as a child'. Use past tense 'wanted' and include the verb 'to' for 'go to the park'. Also add 'when I was a child' for natural time expression. Suggestion: use past tense consistently and include correct preposition 'to'.

× No, I don't want to go back right now because I am now young, so I want to do adventures thinking.

✓ No, I don't want to go back now because I am young, and I want to do adventurous activities.

This sentence has awkward tense and word choice. 'Right now' and 'now young' duplicate; use 'now' and present tense correctly. 'Do adventures thinking' is incorrect — use 'do adventurous activities' or 'have adventures'. Suggestion: keep present tense and use appropriate noun/ adjective forms.

× Yes, I want to see more parks in our city because there is very, very children that they want to go park, but there is no park.

✓ Yes, I want to see more parks in our city because there are many children who want to go to parks, but there are none.

The original uses 'there is' with plural 'children' (subject-verb agreement) and incorrect quantifier 'very, very children'. Use 'there are' and quantifier 'many'. Also use 'who' for the relative clause and 'go to parks' with preposition 'to'. Finally, 'there are none' is a concise way to say 'there is no park'.

× So I think so uh, it there is more park in our city, yes.

✓ So I think if there were more parks in our city, it would be good.

Original is fragmented and ungrammatical. Use a conditional structure 'if there were more parks' to express the idea and plural 'parks'. 'It would be good' completes the thought. Remove filler words like 'uh' for clarity.

× Are there any parks you want to go to in the future?

✓ Are there any parks you would like to go to in the future?

Question is acceptable but more natural uses 'would like' to express future preference. 'Are there any parks you want to go to in the future?' is grammatically possible but 'would like' fits polite future intention better.

× Uh, there is a one part that I want to go in future and that recall my child memory, uh, I want to go in the theme park that is, uh, very cleaning and very colourful.

✓ There is one park I want to visit in the future that recalls my childhood memories: I want to go to a theme park that is very clean and very colorful.

Use 'one park' not 'a one part'. 'Visit in the future' or 'want to visit in the future' is natural. 'Recall my child memory' should be 'recalls my childhood memories'. Use 'go to' with 'theme park' and adjectives 'clean' and 'colorful' (adjectives, not gerunds). Also remove filler 'uh'.

× Umm, I want to go in future there, but now I don't want to go in parks, but.

✓ I want to go there in the future, but right now I don't want to go to parks.

Correct word order is 'go there in the future'. Use 'right now' for present time and 'go to parks' with preposition 'to'. Remove the trailing 'but' which leaves the sentence incomplete. Keep tense consistent: present desire for future plans and present refusal now.