Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cümle yapısını düzeltin ve gereksiz tekrarları azaltın. Kısa ve doğrudan bir konu cümlesi kurun, ardından tek veya iki destekleyici detay ekleyin (neden park yoktu, ne yaptığı gibi). Bağlaçlarla akışı sağlayın (for example, because, so). Telaffuz için 'grew up' ve zaman uyumuna dikkat edin.

例: I didn't go to parks when I was a child because I grew up in a small village that had no public parks. Instead, we played in fields and near the river, so outdoor play was still common.

提案: İfade akıcılığını artırmak için gereksiz duraklamaları (uh, um) ve tekrarı azaltın. Net bir konu cümlesi kurun ve neden gittiğinizi belirtin (granddaughter, exercise, relaxation). Artikelleri ('an old person', 'to the park') ve sahiplik ifadelerini doğru kullanın.

例: Yes, I still like going to the park, mainly to watch my granddaughter play and to get some fresh air and light exercise while she enjoys herself.

提案: Cevabı doğrudan ve açık verin; tekrarları ve anlamsız kelime kullanımını kaldırın. Görüşünüzü destekleyecek spesifik nedenler verin (örneğin yeşil alan, çocuk oyun alanları, sosyal alanlar). Bağlaçlar kullanarak fikrinizi sıralayın.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks because green spaces improve air quality and provide safe places for children to play. For example, additional playgrounds and benches would encourage families to spend time outdoors.

提案: Cevabı netleştirin: doğrudan evet veya hayır ile başlayın ve sonra bir veya iki destekleyici neden verin. Kısa ve dilbilgisi açısından doğru cümleler kullanın. 'I am an old person' yerine 'I am elderly' veya 'I am older' ve 'I have seen many improved parks' şeklinde ifadeler tercih edin.

例: I don't plan to visit new parks in the future because I often visit the nearby parks that have recently been improved. They have better paths and seating, so they meet my needs already.

× When I was young, a child, I grow up in a village, so we have not, we had not any parks in there, so I didn't go to parks.

✓ When I was a child, I grew up in a village, so we did not have any parks there, and I didn't go to parks.

The original sentence has multiple issues: incorrect verb tense (grow up should be past 'grew up') and mixed present/past ('we have not, we had not') causing confusion. Also awkward phrasing 'a child' and 'in there'. Suggestion: use 'When I was a child' as a standard time clause, use simple past consistently for past facts ('grew up', 'did not have'), and use 'there' without 'in'. Grammar problem type ID:26

× I, I'm a old, uh, person, so, uh, I usually go to park for my, uh, granddaughter, uh. She's playing.

✓ I'm an old person, so I usually go to the park for my granddaughter. She is playing there.

Use 'an' before vowel sounds ('an old'), and use the definite article 'the' with singular countable nouns when a specific place is meant ('the park'). Also 'go to park' is incorrect without article. Add 'there' to clarify where she is playing. Keep tense present simple for habitual actions. Grammar problem type ID:22

× Yes, uh, actually there are many parks in our, uh, city. Uh, many, uh, in the park there are many, uh, uh. Story. Many story, uh.

✓ Yes, actually there are many parks in our city. In many of the parks there are playgrounds and walking paths.

The original is repetitive and unclear ('many... in the park... story'). Clarify by specifying features of parks using plural nouns and appropriate nouns ('playgrounds', 'walking paths'). Maintain present tense for current facts. Use clearer sentence structure: general statement then elaboration. Grammar problem type ID:26

× I don't think, uh, because uh, my, uh, I am a old uh, person. So uh, I saw uh, many, uh, improving, uh, parks, uh, in the city, uh, because, uh, it is.

✓ I don't think so, because I am an old person. I have seen many improved parks in the city.

Use 'an' before 'old' (article error). The phrase 'I saw many improving parks' is awkward; use present perfect 'I have seen many improved parks' to indicate experience up to now. Remove filler words and finish the thought; 'because it is' is incomplete. Suggest concise sentences and correct article usage. Grammar problem type ID:22