Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện độ tự nhiên và mạch lạc: Trả lời trực tiếp bằng một câu chủ đề rõ ràng, tránh lặp từ và dùng thêm chi tiết cụ thể. Sử dụng liên từ để nối ý và giữ tối đa 3–4 câu. Ví dụ, nêu lý do bạn thích công viên và một kỷ niệm hoặc hoạt động cụ thể từ thời thơ ấu.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because I could play on the swings and run around with my friends. For example, every Saturday my parents would take me to a nearby park where we had picnics and played games until sunset.

提案: Cải thiện cú pháp và từ vựng: Tránh lặp từ, dùng câu chủ đề và bổ sung chi tiết cụ thể (ví dụ hoạt động bạn làm ở công viên). Dùng liên từ để làm rõ lý do và kết quả. Giữ lời nói tự nhiên và ngắn gọn.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, especially large ones. I prefer big parks because they offer more space for sports and my friends can join, so we often play football or have barbecues together.

提案: Cải thiện tính chính xác ngữ pháp và nội dung cụ thể: Trình bày rõ quan điểm với một câu chủ đề, sau đó nêu lý do cụ thể (sức khỏe, môi trường, không gian cho trẻ em). Tránh lặp từ và dùng từ vựng phù hợp như "parks" và "people" chính xác. Giữ trong 2–3 câu.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they provide green space for exercise and relaxation. For instance, additional parks would give children safe places to play and help reduce air pollution.

提案: Cải thiện tính logic và phát triển ý: Trả lời trực tiếp rồi giải thích với lý do hợp lý. Nếu phủ định, có thể bổ sung điều kiện (ví dụ sẽ ít thời gian nhưng vẫn sẽ thỉnh thoảng đi). Dùng liên từ để kết nối ý và tránh lặp. Hạn chế câu mâu thuẫn (nói không nhưng lại nói sẽ đi khi có con).

例: Not really, because I expect to be busier with work in the future and may have less free time. However, I might still visit parks occasionally, especially if I have children or want to relax on weekends.

× Yes, I do because it's fun.

✓ Yes, I did because it was fun.

The question asks about liking parks as a child (past time). The student used present tense 'do' and 'is' which is inconsistent. Change verbs to past tense to match the time frame: 'did' and 'was.' Suggestion: Use past tense when talking about childhood experiences.

× Go to the park.

✓ I used to go to the park.

This fragment lacks a subject and proper tense. The intended meaning is a habitual past action. Add subject 'I' and past habitual structure 'used to' to indicate repeated past action.

× It's so fun.

✓ It was so fun.

Talking about childhood requires past tense. Change 'is' to 'was' to maintain consistent past narration.

× I want to go to park later but I can't go.

✓ I wanted to go to the park later, but I couldn't go.

The sentence mixes present desire with past inability in a childhood context. Use past tense for both verbs and include the article 'the' before 'park.' Suggestion: Keep tense consistent and include articles where needed.

× But I can't go to park right now because it's night time.

✓ But I couldn't go to the park then because it was nighttime.

Speaking about being a child uses past tense; 'can't' and 'it's' are present. Change to 'couldn't' and 'was.' Also add 'the' before 'park' and use 'then' for clarity.

× Yes I do go go to park.

✓ Yes, I do go to the park.

The student repeats 'go' and omits the article. Maintain present simple 'do go' if answering about current habit, keep one 'go' and add 'the.' If speaking about past, use 'I did go to the park.'

× When you go to go to park, go to big park.

✓ When you go to the park, go to the big park.

This sentence has repetition and missing articles. Remove the extra 'go' and add 'the' before 'park' and 'big park' to make it grammatical. Also consider rephrasing: 'When you go to the park, go to the big one.'

× It's super duper fun.

✓ It's super fun.

'Super duper' is informal and redundant. Use 'super' or 'very' for appropriate emphasis in a test context. No tense issue, but style and register improvement suggested.

× I like the big part because my friend can join in too.

✓ I like the big park because my friend can join in too.

'Part' is the wrong noun; should be 'park.' This is a word choice error: use the correct noun. Also 'can join in' is acceptable if referring to present or habitual ability.

× Yes, I want the people to build more park to my friends and me to go, go to park to have some fun because go to the park has some fun.

✓ Yes, I want people to build more parks for my friends and me to go to, because going to the park is fun.

Multiple issues: missing plural 'parks,' incorrect preposition use and word order. Use 'people' without 'the,' change 'park' to plural 'parks,' use 'for my friends and me' (object pronoun), add 'to' after 'go,' and use gerund 'going' to state general enjoyment. Also replace 'has some fun' with 'is fun.'

× It's so fun.

✓ It's so fun.

If referring to general present preference, 'It's so fun.' is acceptable. No tense change needed here; keep in present when speaking about current feelings.

× I want to go to park right now.

✓ I want to go to the park right now.

Missing article 'the.' If speaking in present, keep present simple 'want' but include 'the' before 'park.'

× No, because when I grow up I need to go to work.

✓ No, because when I grow up I will need to go to work.

The clause 'when I grow up' refers to the future, so use future tense 'will need' rather than present 'need.' Using 'will' clarifies future necessity.

× Other small people can go to the park.

✓ Other people can go to the park.

'Small people' is incorrect or childlike phrasing. Use 'other people' or 'younger children' depending on intended meaning. 'Other people' is appropriate and natural.

× When I stay with child, I can go to the park.

✓ When I am with a child, I can go to the park.

Missing auxiliary verb and article: use 'am' for present continuous/state and 'a child' for singular. 'Stay with child' is ungrammatical; 'be with a child' is natural.

× When I grow up, I don't need to go to the park.

✓ When I grow up, I won't need to go to the park.

Mixing 'when I grow up' (future) with present negation 'don't need.' Use future 'won't need' to indicate future lack of necessity.